"This"

"If it matters, you make the time. If it doesn’t, you make excuses." from Ann Voskamp's blog 

Day 2 of a new year...yet all my new ideas and habits didn't go as swimmingly as I had hoped...

Thankful for new mercies and grace every morning!

"Tomorrow, it will descend like a fresh dew, a fresh snow, and it will come again — Fresh grace all over again." - Ann Voskamp


I posted that on my Facebook wall a few days ago as I was struggling with implementing new habits in this new year.  

It's now 5 days later, and things are still not going as planned.  

I realized that no matter how much I love spending time evaluating my shepherding of my children and discovering better ways to manage my home and dissecting my day to determine how I can use my time more wisely and making lists on how to add these positive changes into my life, it's not like there's anything magical that happens when the calendar flips from December to January.  

There's no *POOF* and new habits are miraculously implemented.

At least that hasn't happened to me.  

But what there is...is grace.  

And grace has fallen so sweetly on me this past 6 months.  

So, here I am...on January 7 (and not January 1, like I had hoped) ...finally writing a post...after months of setting my blog aside completely to focus on my family's transition to the Twin Cities and seminary life...and I'm not even writing about what I had intended to! 

Please, someone tell me this doesn't just happen to me!  

So my post on "16 things I've learned during my husband's 1st semester in seminary" and "101 crazy things that Caleb can build with popsicle sticks" and "21 ways to survive on 4-5 hours of sleep per night" will just have to wait.

Because I just can't shake or get out of my mind something that Jason Meyer, Bethlehem Baptist Church's new Pastor of Preaching and Vision, said in his sermon.  

He was sharing a bit about how God led him and many others to believe he would be John Piper's successor.  He shared how he didn't want this path...how this wasn't something he wanted to pursue...how he tried to give every reason why he wasn't the guy for the job...and then he shared what he felt God was saying to him...

"What if this (becoming John Piper's successor) is the way that you will have more of Me?" 

And my mind began to race.  

I began to think of the "this" in my own life. 

Moving. 
Leaving my support system of 8 years.
Leaving the comforts of a regular, steady, and reliable paycheck.
The endless work of a foreclosed home.
The rigor of seminary.
Uncertainties.
Anxiety about finances.
Lack of time for...well...anything. 

And...

...the incredible joy and dependence and satisfaction that can only come from being in the very center of God's will as He leads and provides and continues to make a way when there seems to be only rocky terrain.  

Yes, even though "this" has been a rough and very difficult road at times, "this" has been good.

Very good.  

As the day as progressed, I began to think of the "this" in so many of my dear friend's lives.  

Loneliness.
Depression.
Illness.
Cancer.
Aging parents.

What if we resolved in our hearts and minds that whatever the "this" is for us, that we would fully embrace it because we know that by going through "this" we will have more of Jesus?  

More of His grace and mercy and joy and hope for a future with Him...

I need more of Him.  I've learned very deeply and quite clearly that I need more of Him now than any other time in my life.  

And I've learned that "this" is just the very beginning of truly needing Him.  For what lies ahead of us after this time of training and preparation will be filled with even more hardship and sleepless nights as Brad preaches and leads his congregation and is filled with sorrow for the lost and withstands criticism and hurts by those close to him.  

Because "this" is where God is leading us. 

And I don't want to waste "this". 

Did I truly want or completely embrace this change for me and my family a year ago?  No.  Would I change anything?  Not one, little, seemingly insignificant detail.

For "this" is exactly where I fully desire to be.

Do I truly believe?

If I truly believe that God is as big as He is and as great as He is and as powerful as He is and as lovely as He is and as truly delightful as He is, then why doesn't my life reflect...pronounce...radiate that truth?

How is it that I can go minutes, hours, days without meditating on Him and proclaiming how His very existence gives me joy and purpose instead of sorrow?

But when I allow myself to get caught up in the beauty and joy of the very character and existence of God, then the missing closet doors and kitchen in desperate need of remodeling and savings account that is shrinking become so small and minute compared to the utter greatness and vastness of God!  He is my joy...and my contentment is found in Him and not in this earthly home and the chaos of this season of life.

He truly is all I need.

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."  - Psalm 34:8

Fighting for Joy

"For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you.'"  -Isaiah 41:13

It's been a very long last 6 months, and an even longer last 2 weeks.

Even though in my mind I've been grieving the end of our service at Lakewood Evangelical Free Church and our life in Brainerd for almost 2 years now, actually moving into our new home and neighborhood in Brooklyn Center is another thing.

It's like I'm going through the grieving process all over again, except this time with more tears.

The battle for joy and contentment over grief and sadness has been thoroughly waged in my mind these last several days.

And I have been clinging, literally clinging to God's promises...as I continue to greatly miss my dear friends and familiar places.

Yet today, as I sat in a quiet spot at our new, local library for Sabbath, life giving words watered my saddened soul.

Even though I have been so grateful for all God has done and provided for us as we began this journey of seminary last spring, I have been so focused on the amazing things He has done that I've lost the delight in Christ Himself.  As I've longed to give Him glory for the truly wonderful gifts He has bestowed, I haven't found my true contentment in Him.

My heart has been distracted by the clutter and boxes around me, the never ending house projects, and Brad's school and study schedule that I had allowed my circumstances to cloud my Savior's face.

Because of that, my heart has been sad and my joy has been gone.

John Piper, in his small book called, The Dangerous Duty of Delight wrote, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him."

I haven't been most satisfied in Him.  I haven't been satisfied in anything these last 14 days.

The Lord, in His kindness, led me to several places in Scripture today which renewed my spirit.

In Deuteronomy 31, as Moses prepared the Israelites for his departure and for their new leader, Joshua and new journey into the Promised Land, he said, "The LORD your God himself will cross over ahead of you," (v 3).  How comforting those words must have been!  And truly God himself has gone ahead of us preparing this way to Bethlehem Seminary!

Just a few lines down in verse 8, Moses says to Joshua, who was probably grieving the soon to be loss of his mentor and dear friend, "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

And in Isaiah, where we see God's loving heart for His nation, I was in awe of these precious verses:

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:10

And what will God do for his servant, then and today?  "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." -Isaiah 42:16

"But now, this is what the LORD says - he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel; 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." -Isaiah 43:1-3

My eyes then fell upon some dear verses that I had held onto in desperation over a year and a half ago.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." 

 -Isaiah 43:18-19

I am so grateful for God's life-giving Word today!  And in my delight of my LORD and His Word, I do feel that I can have that joy and satisfaction.  He truly is sweeter than any of His generous gifts or anything else this world has to offer.

June 2012 Update Letter

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”  Isaiah 43:18-19

Dear friends and family,

For months I have wanted to sit down and write an update letter on the many GOOD, but crazy changes that our family has had since our last Christmas letter in December of 2010.  Now I find myself in June 2012 and still in the midst of a long transition, but eagerly wanting to update friends and family about all that God has done, especially in the last 4 months.  

For the last 1 and 1/2 to 2 years, God has been gently and slowly guiding and now moving us from our church, youth ministry and home in Brainerd to a different city and ministry focus...which begins with seminary this fall.  Today, looking back on many difficult, yet pivotal moments since the summer of 2010, it is easy to see God leading through circumstances, His Word, and the wise and godly council of others.  We are grateful for God’s faithfulness to us through trying times as well as His clear direction concerning our future.      

Much of winter/early spring of 2011 was filled with game nights, visits with family and friends, soccer (for Brad) and scrapbooking (for me).  I also continued to be at home full time with Sammy, Caleb, and Hannah and was involved in Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) and Tapestry (a women’s mentoring ministry).  Brad continued working with our youth group as the interim youth pastor at Lakewood Evangelical Free Church.  Over the course of those months, however, we were wrestling with knowing what God wanted us to do concerning vocational ministry.  Lakewood was currently looking for another full time youth pastor, and due to budgetary reasons, Brad’s youth director position was going to be cut.  We were committed to serving at Lakewood until a new youth pastor was hired, but were unsure of what to do next.  Brad applied to several churches that spring, but we seemed to keep running into dead ends.  In early May our senior pastor and elder chairman proposed a pastoral internship for Brad which would run from August-December 2011.  At that point we had no other leads on jobs, and were both very interested in this position, since Brad would be working directly with our senior pastor with pastoral responsibilities that he had never yet been exposed.  

The summer months were full of graduation parties, gymnastics (for Sammy), swim lessons (for Caleb and Sammy), a trip to River Falls, WI to see Brad’s brother, Brian and his family, a 2 week visit from Brad’s mom, trips to the library, and my first garage sale (those are SO much work!).  Brad finished up his youth ministry responsibilities in July and passed the baton to our new youth pastor and moved into a different position at Lakewood August 1st.  

After a very long year of adjusting to 3 children, keeping up with (too many) commitments, and a very busy ministry schedule, Brad and I dropped our kids with my parents in mid-August and made the long trek from Bismarck, ND to Banff, British Columbia for a much needed vacation.  We had been there once before with Brian and Sarah in 2003, and had been wanting to go back. It was an extremely restful time, hiking and being in God’s beautiful creation.  Shortly after we returned, Sammy, our sweet 5 year old, spent 2 days at Kinder-camp preparing for kindergarten.  How did she grow up so fast? It is true what they say...”the days are long, but the years fly by.”  

Just a few short days into September, we learned that our senior pastor was resigning and leaving in October.  This was a shock to us and many in our congregation, yet we all agreed that this was a part of God’s greater plan for Pastor Dan and his family.  Our hearts were heavy, wondering what God had planned for Lakewood and also wondering how this would affect Brad’s internship, which was directly under Dan.  It was at that point Brad’s internship changed slightly.  Instead of preaching once or twice, he would be in the pulpit much more than that.  Over a period of about 7 months, from June until December 2011, Brad preached 10 times at Lakewood and Lakewood’s church plant in Crosby, MN.  During those months, we were (well, mostly I was) overwhelmed at Brad’s increased work load and the time and study it took to prep a weekly sermon.  Yet back in May, when this internship was first spoken of, we were curious to see if adult ministries was the direction God was leading us.  We had LOVED, loved, LOVED doing youth ministry the last 12 years or so, but several people, whom we trusted and who knew us well, began asking if Brad had considered going to seminary.  Seminary?  It had never really crossed our mind!  And how could we do it with 3 young children?  But as Brad continued to work with Pastor Dan and as he became more comfortable prepping and preaching through a book of the Bible, we began to consider it more and more.  We began researching seminaries all over the country and weighing the pros and cons of each.  We decided to visit Bethlehem Seminary, which is located in downtown Minneapolis and is connected to Pastor John Piper’s church, Bethlehem Baptist, in mid-October.  After visiting, we were much more confident that this was the direction God was leading.  We had NO IDEA how we were going to do it, but we began trusting in God to provide all we would need.  Brad spent most of November completing a long application and paper for seminary.  Bethlehem Seminary only accepted 15 students per year, so as we emailed the last of Brad’s application documents, we prayed that God would make it clear if we were to proceed in this direction.  And then began the wait.  

Brad finished his internship at Lakewood the end of December.  We had gone to ND for Thanksgiving, so after a long December of dance recitals and music programs (for Sammy) and countless hours of Brad being under our house replacing 90% of our outgoing plumbing (I didn’t have a working kitchen sink for over 8 weeks...not that I was counting or anything!), we headed to River Falls, WI to spend a week with Brad’s family.  Even though several of the 15 of us got a 24 hour bug, we had a wonderful time!  

Because of Brad’s heavy load at church and the countless chores around the house that had been put on the back burner because of his preaching schedule and seminary application, he was only able to line up a few interviews for a short-term job in Brainerd for early January.  We hoped that one of the prospective jobs would pan out, but as mid-January and then February approached, we realized how hard it was to find a job, especially since Brainerd had the highest unemployment rate in MN in towns with more than 10,000 people.  He spent hours searching for jobs and applying and interviewing with 3 different temp agencies.  Near the end of February, he began working evenings at a local manufacturing plant.  Then just 4 weeks later, he began working a 3 month temp job at a local company called Ascensus and has been there since March.  

Looking back now, it’s so much easier to see God’s goodness.  We began to be very grateful for the time Brad had at home with our family and began to see his unemployment as an “unpaid sabbatical.”  We spent a great deal of time as a family finishing projects that we just never seemed to have time for.  We also saw God’s provision in the midst of those hard months.  Even though we had no means of income (Brad couldn’t collect unemployment since he previously worked for a non-profit organization.) for almost 2 months, we learned so much as a couple about what it meant to truly trust God for our daily bread.  God provided for us in ways that often brought us to tears and made us very humble.  It was so difficult, but we really started to put our full dependence on God instead of on ourselves.  

On February 21, just before Brad began at the manufacturing plant, we received a phone call from Bethlehem Seminary.  Brad had been accepted!  We praised God for His leading and confirmation!  We then began the crazy task of getting our house ready to sell.  In early March, Brad’s brother Brian and his family came up for several days.  They were SO HELPFUL in helping us de-clutter and stage our house.  After finishing some final projects and meeting with a few realtors, we officially got our house on the market March 27.  After just 4 days and 3 showings, we had 2 really great offers!  We officially accepted an offer on April 2 with a May 7 closing day.  All of a sudden, everything began happening very quickly!  We spent the next months packing, cleaning, and enjoying our sweet home.  My parents were able to visit twice, and that was a blessing to have them share in Hannah’s 2 year birthday party as well as take back a trailer load of our stuff to be moved at a later date.  We had a packing party on May 5, and slept for the last time in our house in sleeping bags on May 6.  It was very bittersweet, saying good-bye to our home of almost 8 years, but we were so thankful for a quick sale.  

We are currently living with some friends on their farm just south of Brainerd.  Our kids have been SO BLESSED by farm life!  They feed the chickens, collect eggs, help Mr. Paul bring in the cows, paint silos (for REAL), ride their bikes down long gravel roads, ride on the tire swing, and play in the river just behind their house.  We are so grateful for the kindness of our friends!  

We have been so thankful for Brad’s current job, its hours, and flexibility.  He’s been able to attend end of the year programs for Sammy and take longer lunch breaks for our home closing and other appointments.  He will finish his 3 month position the end of this month.  

Since we sold our house and moved out to the farm, we spent many hours looking for a good school district for Sammy.  (She was accepted into Brainerd’s Gifted and Talented AGATE Academy for the fall, so we have been looking for a similar program for her in the Twin Cities.)  We’ve also been looking at housing and considering the pros and cons to renting versus buying and also in living closer to downtown or further out in the northern suburbs where several of our friends currently live.  Even though I am overwhelmed with all that needs to happen in the next 2 months, we are trusting that God will provide just the right housing for our family over the next 4 years.  

Even as I have written this letter, I am again struck by the goodness of God.  Even though there were many days and nights that we were discouraged or heartbroken by our circumstances, we see that God worked so much of it for our good and His glory.  

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”  Romans 8:28

We know that not one hardship was wasted as each trial and event taught us to trust our Lord more and more and have provided experiences that we hope to use someday to minister to others.  

As you think of us, would you pray for housing for our family, for a part time job for Brad (and probably me) and for a smooth transition to the Twin Cities?  We covet your prayers as we, again, do not know how everything will fall into place financially for us over the course of these next 4 years.  But we do serve a Mighty God, and His arm is not too short to provide all we need.

We think and pray often for you all, our dear friends and family!  Many of you have been a sweet encouragement to us over the last 2 years, and we are so grateful!  We are praying for God to personally meet with each of you as you look to Him to provide all that you and your families needs.  

With much love, Brad, Jenny, Samantha, Caleb and Hannah Aust

Flashback on the 15th - Fire Dept Open House

Almost. Two. Months.

How did that happen?

I long to take a few minutes with my notebook and just stare at this screen and let my thoughts flow.

But there has been very little time to sit in the quiet.

Quiet...that would not be the first word I would use to describe my life since February 21.

It's funny how a simple phone call can change you life.

So much to write about what God has done in the last 2 months. Yet it feels like it would take a year to put it all together into words.

I am confident there will be a day for all the thoughts swirling in my heart and mind to fall onto paper.

But until then, something simple and fun...another flash from the past!

Last September our local Firehouse hosted an open house one evening. It was packed with great family adventures such as a medical helicopter...that landed AND took off before our eyes!

Wow, and that's the best picture I got of Caleb.

Nice facial expression son, very nice!

Sammy smiled so sweetly with her "2 missing teeth" grin!

The kids jumped around in the bouncy house and took pictures with Spot, the fire dog.

One of the things I really liked was all the fire safety drills they did. Each child carried a small piece of paper with 6 different stations listed on it. When they completed each skill, they got it checked off. The stations were really great. At one in particular, they had the kids lay on a bed, then a fireman sounded a fire alarm and walked them through crawling on the floor, touching the door to see if it was hot and finally exiting a window. They also told the kids to remind their parents to practice family fire drills regularly and have a set location outside to meet in case there was a fire.

Umm...that reminds me....

But my favorite part was watching the kids handle a fire hose.

Caleb couldn't have been prouder!

Hannah spent most of the time in her stroller, but we let her out at the end to practice her driving skills.

Oh, and one more thing I forgot to mention. At the end of the evening, Sammy was very determined to finish the 6 skills and toss her sheet into a large bowl. I remember she whispered to me, "Mommy, I think they give prizes!"

And so, about a week later, the fire chief called my phone and told me that Samantha had won the grand prize. A remote controlled, water shooting, so large it takes up most of my kids' bedroom "FIRE ENGINE!"

That picture really doesn't do it justice. It's a mammoth thing.

So our great fire chief pulled up into our driveway one afternoon in his fire chief SUV...with his lights on, mind you...and handed the engine to Sammy.

It was a pretty sweet thing, I have to say!

Now if we could just find an extra room in the house to store it in!