Summer project

I know it's almost Christmas, but I really wanted to blog about our deck...even though it's currently buried under about a foot of snow. It was a summer long project that was quite an adventure.

Ever since Brad and I became homeowners about 3 1/2 years ago, we've done a lot of smaller repairs or improvements to our 1950's home. Each year we've tackled a much larger project...like landscaping, adding a second half bathroom, and finally building a deck. As we've added children to our family, projects seem to take three or more times as long to complete.


Even though we've had the deck plans for over a year, we finally got around to starting it Labor Day weekend. It was supposed to have been a Memorial Day project, but we decided to wait until my dad could come and help...plus we needed my parents' van and trailer to haul ALL the stuff from Menards. And even though we began building Labor Day weekend, we didn't actually finish the floor and the railing until early October...and actually, we still have to add the two steps before we're finally done.

As I look back on the pictures and remember the many nights Brad spent outside (with Sammy's help) finishing the flooring, I am so grateful for my dad. He is a jack of all trades. He's able to fix pretty much anything, and he knows so much about so many things. He worked so well alongside Brad. They took more trips to Menards than they will probably admit, but they had a great time working together. My dad has the knowledge, and Brad is eager to learn. There were always a lot of laughs coming from the backyard...and a lot of groans when something didn't go exactly right.


They made a really great team. And I know that my dad loved passing on his knowledge and enjoyed being useful around the house. And Brad's grateful for the help. His dad just didn't tinker or fix things and he didn't take the time to teach or show Brad what he did know...isn't that the case with a lot of families.


So as Brad and I are thinking through what traditions and memories we want to pass down to our children this Christmas season, I'm grateful for all my dad has taught me. And I'm so thankful that Brad will teach what he's learned to his son (and daughter) someday. I am so glad that these skills will not die with my father, but will continue to be passed down to the next generation.

Thanksgiving Blessings

Brad and I had such a relaxing Thanksgiving this year! Brad had Wednesday - Monday off work, and it was SO NICE having him home. We got a LOT of things done around the house, and spent some good time with friends. My friend, Melanie, came up for two days, and she totally helped prepare the Thanksgiving meal and she watched the kids TWICE for us. We got to hang out with our Sunday School class after our Thanksgiving Eve service until the wee hours of the morning, and then we got to go shopping (at 5:00 a.m.) the day after Thanksgiving...that's a whole story in itself. There was no rush, and little worries. We did drive to Fargo on Saturday to see my parents and my brother and his kids...just for the day. It was still about 5 hours of driving, but there were no overnighters and no clean up! Sammy just LOVES playing with her older cousins, and my parents were eager to see how much Caleb had grown. Since Brad and I and the rest of my immediate family have been SO BUSY, it was the only real time we could get together...and it was just right. Brad and I REALLY needed some time just to be at home together as a family.

Not only did Melanie watch our kids, but she also took some pictures of our family...since it's near IMPOSSIBLE to take a family picture ourselves and have both children look in the general direction of the camera! She also loved on my kids! She made Caleb laugh, and laugh, and laugh. It was such a joy having her spend those days with us. And even though I wanted to bless her by welcoming her into my home for the holidays, I was the one who was truly blessed. She loved us so personally by giving Brad and me time together and by playing with my kids. She truly blessed my heart.

Rest . . .

...that's something that I haven't felt in a very, very long time.

As I look back on my calendar, out of the last 12 weekends, Brad and I have spent 2 together at home. Every other weekend has been full of grad school, youth conferences, and weekends out of town. And even when we've tried to schedule time just to stay at home and do nothing, something else always seems to get scheduled in. Now I know that we have the power to say "no," and we have to start exercising that power, but some events have simply been out of our hands. And this wouldn't be all bad if Brad and I had at least a couple weeknights together. But every other Sunday is student leadership, every other Monday has been lifeguard meetings or other church meetings, every Tuesday and Wednesday are college and youth group nights, and Thursdays we meet with our small group. And if it's a Friday night before grad school, I'm studying the entire day and evening. That really doesn't leave a lot of family or couple time. We spent our last date making lists and looking at our schedules and trying to figure out how to get out of this craziness. There wasn't a lot of time for romance.

I feel like I'm drowning.

Our life has been out of control, and I think the last 6 weeks has been some of the hardest days of my married life. I feel like I'm a full time mom, a part time wife, and little else. If it wasn't for MOPS, BSF (which I haven't even been able to go to the last few weeks) and grad school (at least I get to spend 2 days with other adults who love kids and love teaching) I think I would have had a nervous breakdown. There hasn't been any time for blogging, scrapbooking, dating my husband, or time with God. I'm simply in the survival mode...get up, take care of the kids, do the laundry, read for grad school, run to church, make supper, meet with my girls...there's not a lot else.

And what really kills me is that I feel so disconnected from Brad. He went to 2 really good conferences, and I have yet to hear fully about them. I'm learning some incredible stuff in grad school, but haven't had time to share a whole lot. We barely talk about anything except for the next appointment or event on our calendar.

I miss my best friend.

This has got to be how marriages begin to fall apart. It's very subtle at first...a couple nights apart a week, less time together, focusing on the kids and not each other, simply living as roommates and not soul mates.

But there is hope.

We've decided to stay home for Thanksgiving...no packing bags and no overnighters...just a quiet holiday at home. Brad will have off 6 days in a row! Even though we'll have a few friends over on Thursday and Friday, it should be pretty low key and quiet...hopefully even restful.

Rest just may be within my grasp...

Jim and Nikki's Family Blessing

This summer, my brother, a person you would NEVER think of as a biker, got married in Sturgis, SD. It really shouldn't have surprised me though; my brother has always followed his own path. He has a history education degree, attended (I think) at least 5 differnt colleges, was in the National Guard, a captain in the Air Force, and is now a law student at UND. I still can't help but smile when I think about Jim and Nikki skipping the traditional wedding (this is the second marriage for both) and riding into the sunset on his harley.

On September 15, they had a "family blessing" ceremony at their house in Grand Forks. Brad and I and the kids, along with my parents and Jim and Nikki, and their 5 combined children (and don't forget the 3 dogs) spent Friday night at their house and Saturday preparing for the ceremony. As crazy as it was, I really enjoyed spending time with my nieces and nephews and helping with the set up and food. It was just so fun to be a part of the beginning of my brother's and sister-in-law's new life together.

As we were driving home Saturday night, I was so glad that we made the time in our schedule to go. But as much as I enjoyed being there, I couldn't help but think what they are up against. This isn't the typical marriage. It's hard enough for two independent people to come together in marriage, but when you add five children and two ex-spouses, it gets even trickier. Oh, and did I fail to mention that both of them are in school full time at UND? And let's not forget that the divorce rate for second marriages is even higher...I think around 60%. My mom worries, and I, at times, fear the cards are stacked against them. It's going to be much harder for them to transition into a cohesive and loving family than it was for me and Brad.

But I've been learning, especially in the last few days as I've struggled with my son and his "nursing strike"--more on that later--what I really need to be doing is to lay this and every other burden I have at the feet of Jesus. We, in our sin and our human and finite wisdom, can't have the perfect marriage or the perfect kids or the perfect life. We make a mess of so many things. Our quest for perfection can destroy us, and our worries can consume and control us.

No, EVERYTHING, no matter how big or how small needs to be laid at the feet of Jesus. And I know that is so much easier said than done, but tonight I'm fighting the urge to worry and resting in the sovereingty of my Heavenly Father.

Mommy and son

I just wanted to post a quick update about Caleb. He's over two months old, and almost 12 pounds! (I don't think Sammy hit 12 pounds until she was almost 6 months old!) He's sleeping pretty well through the night (from 9:30 to around 7:30) and is slowly adjusting to a normal daytime routine. He smiles A TON and is a pretty happy baby...except some nights when he's fussy after Sammy goes to bed. Some nights I wonder if he knows that I would like to use some of that time to clean the house and do scrapbooking and that's why he cries! He loves being read to and also watching his sister play and dance around the room. He just lights up my day, and makes me really want to have more children. (Am I crazy or what!) I just love my little man!