Do I live in a glass house?

Over the last couple of weeks or so, a few different friends/acquaintances have made the same general statement to me. It's been kinda weird.

And I haven't been able to get it out of my mind.

In more or less words, they have all said:

"Nothing every goes wrong for you, does it Jenny?"

My first response usually has been..."things do go wrong at times and life is hard some days, but I try to focus on the good instead of the bad."

One time after saying that, a friend...well, more of an acquaintance, said..."that's because she only tells us the good stuff!"

The last few days I've been thinking about all those conversations and trying to figure out why I am still dwelling on them...and wrestling with what people are perceiving about me.

As I've been thinking and praying and pealing back more and more layers of the core issue, I am struck by these thoughts.

First, right now, on Wednesday, October 28, 2009, I do feel abundantly blessed. I feel that God has blessed us with a GREAT church, great friends and family, wonderful and healthy children, a warm home, a healthy 3rd pregnancy, money to pay our bills, and an exciting upcoming trip...just Brad and me. I do feel like, at this moment, life is as it should be.

But I do remember times, very recent times, where life was NOT picture perfect. I remember times of feeling depressed and overwhelmed with my life as a grad student, wife, and mother of 2 small children. I remember times of uncertainty with Brad's job and his current pay freeze. I remember times...just a few short years ago...when I cried out to God for a baby, a house to call our own, and a church to serve. I remember a time when I thought Brad would never be in full time ministry again...

No, life is not perfect for us.

I think there are seasons of life that are filled with blessings after blessings. Some blessings I believe are a direct result of obedience. Other blessings come because we have a gracious God who gives us things even when we don't deserve it.

There are other seasons that are especially hard...ones filled with great pain and tribulation. Seasons that seem to go on and on with no end or hope in sight. I also remember such a season. One that took me a long time and a lot of healing to move on from.

In the midst of these thoughts, I've been overwhelmed by what God has to say about this. Because, really, His opinion is the only one that matters.

What I know for sure, as I put my emotions and personal feelings aside, is that...

God chooses to do what He wants with my life.

He gives and He takes away.

My circumstances, for the most part...though some ARE direct results of poor choices/sins or times of obedience...are NOT about me or what I want.

Everything, and I mean everything, happens for the sole purpose of bringing glory to God and making me more into Christ's likeness.

Nothing, absolutely nothing is my own. That goes for my house, my children, my marriage, my talents, my thoughts, my checking account, even my faith is not my own. Everything is from God.

Even the bad times...the hard times...the times I am desperate for relief.

But if I have a proper view of God and His character and understand that He doesn't allow anything to touch me or my family without being first filtered through His loving hands, I am able to more readily accept it.

Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him who have been called according to His purpose."

I can either trust Him...

or not.

So, even though it is easier to trust Him in this season of blessing, I pray, oh how I pray, that when the trials come, my view of God will not change.

It's not my job to understand or to give Him advice. It's my job to obey, continue to be faithful, and hold on tightly to His hand.

So, I will continue to focus on the positive, praise God for His many undeserved blessings, and keep relying on God's never-changing character...even when this season comes to an end.

Not Me, Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday...a time to confess all the ridiculous things we have done in the last week. MckMama, once again, leads us in our time of confession and fun. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have NOT been doing this week.

Confession is so good for the soul!

It was NOT me who was irritated last week when, on two different days, a friend dropped by during lunch/nap time and threw off my schedule for the day. NOPE, I love having people drop by and NEVER put my schedule or my list of things to do above spending time with a friend.

I did NOT become very frustrated with my husband last week when he ended up working until after 8:00 one night. NOPE, I totally understand that his job in ministry is not a 9 to 5 job, and I am NEVER upset when he has to stay later at his office or hang out a bit longer with a student or chat with some parents who are going through a hard time. NOPE, I'm completely understanding and NEVER let long hours away from home make me mad.

The night before Sammy's birthday party, I did NOT stay up until almost midnight cleaning my house, prepping the food, and making a princess castle cake. NOPE, I totally know that sleep is more important than a clean house and that no one really cares if I make a castle cake or not.

The next morning, I also did NOT yell at my husband when he wasn't moving fast enough in helping me get the kids dressed and ready and fed. NOPE, I NEVER lose my cool, and never let little things like the sugar cones falling off the castle cake and breaking into a million pieces on my clean kitchen floor...or something like that...bother me in the least.

NOPE, NOT ME!!!

How time flies...

On Thursday, my little girl turned 4.

I'm still trying to figure out where those 4 years have gone!

It seems just yesterday that we held her in our arms for the first time.


And praised God for giving us a perfect, little girl.


What a whirlwind those first few days and weeks were. Even though I was 28 and had been married over 6 years, I still couldn't believe I was a mom...and still couldn't believe they actually let me leave the hospital with her...without a nurse call button to push! I was terrified at times. I would lie in bed awake for hours just making sure she was still breathing.

But God was so good and granted me such patience as I learned to nurse and change diapers and understand her cries.

She was such a good little baby!


She was a great sleeper, great eater, and great traveler.


With each passing year I am amazed by her. She is full of spunk and fun. I can barely keep up with her imagination most days. She loves creating stories and ideas for play. She is currently playing with Caleb in her room. Her bunk bed is an ambulance and when I hear "whee-oooh, whee-oooh" I am supposed to come running with the doctor's kit and help her and Caleb who, I'm sure, will have a long list of injuries.


She is a GREAT big sister, and I can see that Caleb loves and idolizes her something awful! They play together so well, and Caleb can't wait to see her in the morning. I know that she will be such a big helper when her new baby brother or sister arrives in April.


She loves books, loves to sing, loves being with other kids, and loves doing school. Her capacity to memorize songs and Bible verses is amazing!


She is my little princess...

"Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him." - Psalms 127:3

A boy and his trains...

We've been moving a bunch of stuff around in our house lately as we've been thinking about where we are going to put a third child in our little 1300 square foot, 3 bedroom home. We finally asked my parents if they could put the queen bed from our guest bedroom/Caleb's room in my old bedroom at their house for awhile. When they were here a few weeks ago with their trailer, they also brought down an old bunk bed that my nieces used to have in their room.

So now Sammy is sleeping on the top of her "new" bunk bed in her room, and Caleb is in Sammy's old toddler bed in his room. We still have to buy her twin top bunk and the lower double bed new bedding and paint the room, but we think Sammy and Caleb will share that room...especially since they play in there almost every minute they are both awake. But, for now, Caleb is in his room, and since the queen bed is gone, we've been able to set up his train tracks and keep them set up.

And, boy oh boy, does this little guy LOVE his trains!

He is so much like Brad in that way it is NOT even funny!

He has loved trains every since his aunt and uncle got him a wooden train set for his first birthday. Even though he really didn't play with them at one year of age...he sorta chewed on them...within a few short months he totally figured out what he was supposed to do with them.


And he's never looked back! Now he does love buses and garbage trucks and cars, but there is certainly a special spot in his heart for his trains. Now that he's two, I can find him in his room playing with his trains for 20 or 30 minutes. Have I mentioned how much he loves trains!


The one downside is that the official Thomas the Train wooden track and trains are pretty spendy, but I've been able to find a bunch of generic wooden pieces and trains for CHEAP at garage sales and consignment stores.


And, really, who can say no to a face like this!

A little too much like Mommy...

This past Saturday was the annual "Great Pumpkin Festival" in Brainerd. It had been crummy weather all week long, but (thankfully) Saturday was a bit warmer and the sun was shining! The festival is designed for families with pre-school and elementary school aged children, and really focused on good old fashioned fun. There were pumpkin giveaways, 3 legged races, wheelbarrow races, potato sack races, craft tables, food, lots of sidewalk chalk, and Sammy's personal favorite: the pumpkin rolling contest!

Even though most of the events Caleb is just not quite old enough to participate in, it was so fun to be outside in the sunshine and enjoy the fall day with some friends and our kiddos. And every year I am so surprised at what a determined little girl Sammy is!

Here's a picture of her getting ready for the potato sack race. She ended up only doing a couple of steps of the actual race...just look at how big that bag was! But she was set on trying, and trying she did!


We spent some time at the craft tables and playing with the sidewalk chalk as I chatted with some former co-workers. We also played on the swings and slides while we waited for the pumpkin rolling contest to begin.

Here Brad is giving her some last minute instructions!


Ready....set....


And she's off! The course was a bit tricky...the lines weren't straight so Sammy had to figure out how to change directions with the pumpkin.


But she just kept going...


...and going...

Even though all the other kids had already finished, she just kept pushing that pumpkin and asking, "am I there yet?" She never gave up; she was determined to finish!


And at the end, one of the workers gave her this ribbon, which I think was reserved for the kids that actually won each of the heats of each event. She was SO EXCITED to get it!

Bless that woman!


As we were walking back to the van, I just couldn't be more proud of my little girl. She is a tiny, little thing, but what she lacks in size she makes up for in determination and spirit. She fears NOTHING and is willing to try most anything. She wants to do well, and she loves performing for an audience. She has spunk and a twinkle in her eyes.

And she is so determined. She has little goals (like lining up her princesses in exactly the right order), and she can't move on to anything else until she has it just right.

So, in other words...she's a little me.

I sigh a heavy sigh as I write that. While I love seeing some of the qualities come out in her, I also know...quite well...that those same qualities have their downsides.

Sometimes determination can make cause you not to let some things go....

Performing for others may cause you to think performing well will earn other's love and attention...

Sometimes being the life of the party can be quite lonely...

Being too focused can cause you to miss the little things happening around you...

So as I sit here and think of my precious daughter, I will continue to pray that God teaches her and refines her and continues to create her into the young lady He wants her to be. I also pray that I will be loving in my actions and words as I help shape and sand a bit of her rough edges.

But, most of all, I pray that she won't aspire to be like Mommy...though deep down inside my sinful soul I want that some days...but I pray she aspires to be like Jesus as she sees Him in me.