Embracing today

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:33-34

I've been thinking a lot about these verses lately.

I love these verses. I think they are so important that I've committed them to memory. I believe they are so fundamental to a person's life that I sign almost every students' graduation cards with their reference.

But, in the last month or so, I've had to make a choice.

Do I believe, really believe these words? Do I live like these are words of life...words of truth? Does how I live tell those around me that I have applied these verses to my daily life?

Each morning, as of late, I've had to decide whether I was going to live my life holding tightly to these words or....not.

Brad and I had to let go of something that was more important to us than we thought. And, we had to align our emotions with God's truth. We've been doing some grieving and dealing with some disappointment and frustration.

We've had to rely fully on...put our entire weight upon...the Lord.

Fear, worry, and anxiety are crippling. They are nasty and destructive. They cloud judgement. They make things appear not as they truly are.

Bottom line: They are liars.

They lie about Who is in control. They lie about God's character. They lie about God's love and care for me.

And, at times in the last month, I've wondered about God's love and care for me.

I can honestly say...today and at this late hour...that I am confident that God is sovereign, and that He has something else wonderful planned.

But I'm learning that even though I fully BELIEVE in God's sovereignty, I'm still living parts of my days as if I don't. My mind drifts back to the hurt and disappointment I felt...and worries about what the future holds.

But God is so good. He's so good that He gave me these words in the midst of this struggle.

"Rather than trying to maintain control over your life, abandon yourself to My will..."

"I want you to embrace all that I am doing in your life, finding your security in Me alone."

-- both quotes are taken from Jesus Calling

So, that's what I'm trying to do. I'm giving up control...and any dreams or plans I may have had. And I'm embracing what God has for me THIS day.

No more being swallowed by hurt or frustration. No more thinking about the days or uncertainty ahead.

Simply living and embracing today.

So, I will enjoy every conversation with our students. I will be thankful for the opportunity to sit under great Biblical teaching at BSF. I will praise God for my play dates and Thursday nights at Starbucks. I will be grateful for all the little messes my wonderful children make.

None of us know what tomorrow holds. And none of us know how God will use our past hurts for our good and His glory.

But He knows. And that's all I need to know.

You're welcome!

Just in case any of you were needing a cute, baby-girl Hannah fix...

"Have hair brush and know how to use it!"


This face is a better pick-me-up than any Caribou coffee.

Do anyone else's children sleep like this or is this just an Aust child thing?

Chilling with me while I cook. Don't worry, she won't tip over!

And, just in case you were still wondering who is the cutest 5 month old around...

Yup, that's what I thought!

No need to thank me. You are most certainly welcome!

Just a typical summer day with dad

This is what happens...

when I tell Brad...

to go outside and play with the kids.


Pretty sure this is why Sammy and Caleb think daddy is way cooler than mommy.

Truths from my pal, Job

I have Job on the brain.

For about the last two months, I've been reading and studying the book of Job on Fridays during my Sabbath Rest.

I have NO IDEA why I started to read Job on July 16...but God did. And I am so thankful! (More on that near the end of my ramblings...)

Even though I've read Job a couple of times in my life, this was the first time I was reading it, really reading it, word for word.

And I've been captivated.

I've been caught up in Job's life. I feel like I was there with him...like a fly on the wall...watching the events unfold...crying alongside him...rolling my eyes at the ridiculous advice of his so-called friends...and being reminded, yet again, of some absolute truths...

"The Lord gives and the Lord takes away." (Job 1:21)

"The name of the Lord will be praised." (Job 1:21)

"Resentment kills a fool." (Job 5:2a)

"Our days on earth are but a shadow." (Job 8:9b)

The thing I love most about the book of Job is that it teaches a proper theology of who God is and who man is.

God is God.

I am not God.

God's rule is right.

God has a right to rule.

Nothing in God's economy is wasted.

Job understood who God was...and that he was but a mortal man. He did not cling to the things his friends said, but he held tightly to the character of God...to God's never-ending love...and to the fact that some day he would be found innocent of any sin that could have caused his trials.

"Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him." (Job 13:15)

As I've read further, he also spent a great deal of time "fixing" his friends' improper views of God. He told them that God doesn't promise happiness (Job 11:13-20)...that God can't be manipulated and that He knows our motives (Job 13:1-12)...that (not all) bad things that happen are a direct result of sin. He even prayed for his friends near the end of the book...

...even after all the grief and pain they have caused him.

Wow...

And, somehow, in my first readings of this book, I missed one of the most beautiful verses...one that is so telling of the character of Job.

"I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will stand upon the earth." (Job 19:25)

Amazing!

I am so thankful for what I've learned from Job, but I am even more grateful of its timing.

The last week or so has been a rough one for me and Brad. There was something we had placed "our hope" in that was "taken away." We questioned God's plan. We brought our frustrations, hurts, and broken dreams to Him. We cried out about how "unfair" things were. We wondered how this would work for our good.

Ummm....sound familiar?

God was so faithful to begin to soften my heart towards His ways through my study of Job. So many of Job's words filled my mind over the last week. And I can go on and on about all that He has taught me during my Thursday night Bible studies that have also prepared me for this very time.

And again, my breath is taken away, and all I can say is...

Wow...

Amazing!

I CAN confidently say...

Everything is for God's glory and my good.

Praise God!

I miss me.

As I write, there is a sweet baby girl jabbering beside me.

A cute 1 year old boy sleeping in a pack-n-play in my bedroom.

Another handsome 3 year old boy is out cold in his bunk bed...dreaming about trucks, dirt, and trains...

An imaginative 4 year old girl is currently having a tea party with her 8 year old friend...and they are asking so very politely for 2 more cookies.

The house? A disaster.

This is my life at this very moment in time.

And I've been fighting it...not enjoying it...wishing it away.

Even now, feeling like I have 5 children under control for the moment, I am struggling with truly living in this craziness...abundantly living and enjoying the sweetness of this brief time in my life.

Maybe I'm just tired.

I'm tired of Hannah waking up at 4:00 a.m for yet another feeding. Really? Apparently she forgot she could sleep through the night. Might be time for a bit more rice cereal...

I'm tired of putting Brad, his job, and some extra stuff he's working on ahead of my needs...

I'm tired of trying harder to parent...reading books and being intentional more...

I'm tired of what lack of sleep and busyness does to me...

I'm tired of seeing the extra weight on my body due to 3 pregnancies...

At a ladies function last week, a friend at my table shared with us a conversation she had with a young mom. She asked her what she missed most about her life since becoming a mother. She said...

"me."

Yes! That's it! I miss ME!

I miss scrapbooking with friends. I miss having time to blog regularly. I miss going for runs. I miss getting a full night's sleep. I miss being spontaneous with Brad. I miss what life was like 1 year ago before Brad shifted into a new role at work.

And I'm just sad about it.

But, a sweet baby girl calls my attention. She is longing to be held and talked to. So I will whisk her away, read her Goodnight Moon, sing her "Jesus Loves Me" and place her in her crib. Then I will tackle the dishes, help the girls clean up their tea party, and maybe even think about supper.

Because, while I want to be real with how I feel, I know that my feelings DO NOT dictate reality.

I do know that I will have some time (some day) to scrapbook, and that playing trains with Caleb is more important than blogging, and that my messy house is proof of children's play.

And as I hear Sammy erupt into giggles and see Hannah's quite chubby smiling face...

I know it's all worth it...