I often read articles from Desiring God. Brad and I have a special connection to it because of his time studying at Bethlehem Seminary and because we know many of its writers. I have learned so much from these men and women, and this website has been such a blessing to me and so many others.
After reading this article on Sunday, I just haven't been able to get it off my mind. It was both convicting and encouraging. It opened my eyes to God's goodness and discipline and His beautiful gift of endurance that I had forgotten. It has been a timely reassurance to my discouraged heart.
Brad and I are at crossroads. We see God's hand at work and His good leading and are both willing and excited to see where He leads. But yet, I find myself anxious and scared. I feel like the many difficulties of the last several years have made me weary and weakened my faith.
I realized today, as I've had extra time to pour over God's Word, that the trials over the last couple of years has really been God's good work in me to build endurance. And sadly, I feel that I haven't learned it very well.
Endurance is the ability or strength to continue or last, especially despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions. It is one of God's good gifts to us. And it is something that can only be learned through pain and hardships.
I feel, especially this past year, that I've been simply surviving and not thriving. In addition to all the Covid restrictions, there has been homeschooling four children, our kids' extra curricular activities, and changes in Brad's current job. I've also had some deep, personal struggles that have been difficult for me to deal with that I'm just now beginning to share.
But what's been so convicting for me today is that I KNOW where I should be placing my hope, and I haven't been doing it. I haven't been preaching the Gospel to myself every day like I should be. I have not been living out Hebrews 10:23.
"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful."
In my discouragement, I fear that I have "thrown away my confidence, which has a great reward." (Hebrews 10:35)
And I certainly don't want to be one who is overcome with disbelief. "But my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him." (Hebrews 10:38)
It has been so good for me today to have my eyes opened again to the fact that God doesn't waste any hurt or disappointment or pain. He is and will use it to wake us up to our unbelief or to grow our endurance and faith. He is constantly at work to make us look more like His Son.
We are so blessed that we can "look to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:2) And we can appreciate and even be glad when we find ourselves in a season of discouragement. "It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?" (Hebrews 12:7)
We have a good God who cares for even the smallest of details in our life. We can trust that all things happen for our good and for His glory. And even when the days and months and years are long, He is growing endurance in us, if we only would have eyes to see it.
