Baby Boy...arriving soon!

I am one day shy of 38 weeks, and I'm SO READY to be done being pregnant! I can't remember being this big and this uncomfortable with Sammy, but chasing after a toddler (in 90 degree heat) can't be helping matters. But my bag is packed. (I FINALLY got to that when I found out last week I'm dilated to 3 and my cervix is softening pretty quickly.) And so is Sammy's. (It kinda dawned on me that she needs one too!) The kids' room is painted. (I love saying kids!) Brad and I kept the purple we had originally for Sammy and added some blue and yellow stripes...it looks kinda crazy from this picture, but it sure is fun once we got everything done! And after finishing a few small things around the house later this weekend, I think we'll be as ready as possible for Baby Boy...well, except for his name. Brad and I are still working on that!

But while I'm ready to be done looking like I swallowed a basketball, I'm not sure I'm ready to be a full-time mother of two. I feel really confident about the whole newborn baby thing, and I'm so excited for Sammy to have a sibling...one that will spend hours watching her run and sing and read and giggle. But life is so easy now...especially with only one child! Sammy goes everywhere with us and completely adjusts to whatever craziness we have going on. She's laid back, will sleep in a pack-n-play anywhere, and is so incredibly fun. How will I balance time with both of them? Will I have enough energy to care for them both?

Maybe it's the fear of not having another Sammy. Maybe it's remembering what a contraction feels like. Maybe it's giving up more of myself...less time with Brad, less time scrapbooking, less sleep. Maybe it's a lack of trust...in God, myself, and God's grace.

I'm not sure. But in the midst of my excitement and joy, I do feel apprehension, anxiety, and a hint of fear. While so many things about labor and delivery and nursing and a baby will not be new to me, there is still so much more that will be.

So I will spend as much time with Sammy and Brad and my scrapbooks as I can, and KNOW deep down inside that this is just a season. Sammy's 20 months of life have FLOWN by. And I will never get these years back.

My brother...

For the past two months, Brad and I have been INCREDIBLY busy with graduation open houses, youth group and small group activities, people visiting, etc. (Hence why I haven’t blogged in awhile!) We finally went on a date two days ago...one that I had been planning for over a month! Tomorrow Brad begins Missions: Brainerd, a local missions trip, and he'll be leading that until Thursday. Then my parents will be here that same day, and then two days later Andy and Jenn (new youth pastor and wife...yahoo!) will be here. INSANE! Brad's going to try to fit in some comp (and vacation) days around the 4th of July, but then Baby Boy should be here shortly after that. I cannot wait until then! It will be SO NICE to have some days together as a family preparing for the baby and going on fun excursions in the area with Sammy.

But what I wanted to blog about was Memorial Day weekend. My parents were supposed to come...my mom got VERY sick just days before and her doctor wouldn't let her travel. But my brother Jim, his three kids, his finance (YAHOO!) Nikki and her two daughters came for two days. We had such a great time with them! My relationship with my brother was really good in high school, but then became really rocky when I was in college and early married. But over the last two years, we’ve really come a long way. We’re talking much more, and actually asking brotherly/sisterly advice from one another. It’s been really wonderful connecting with him again.

And the greatest thing is not only having that type of relationship, but also seeing so much growth in his life. Last summer, he was an Air Force Captain, but chose to leave the military so that he could maintain full custody of his three kids. He gave up something he loved (and was good at) so that he could be a full-time parent. He’s now working his way through law school. (Yes, he’s insane.) He met a wonderful girl (Nikki) last fall, (who is also in school full-time) and I just think she’s great! He just recently proposed, and I couldn’t be happier for him.

While my brother’s family was here, we grilled out, hung out around the house, and went swimming. Sammy had such a great time being chased by her cousins! And even though it was crazy having six kids in the house, it was treasured time.

My prayer today is for Jim and Nikki. I pray that they will adjust to married life, the blending of two families, and full-time school and work. I pray that they would fully commit to their church, and grow together as a couple. And I pray that my brother and I would continue to grow our relationship as well.

Youth Worker's Retreat

Every year, our Evangelical Free Church district hosts a retreat for all Minnesota youth workers and their families at Camp Shamineau. We haven't been able to go in two years, but this year we were SO EXCITED to get to know some other youth pastors and their wives and just to get away for the weekend. May and June have become our busiest months since last August, and Brad (especially) and I were feeling a heavy burden.

We had such a wonderful time connecting with some old friends (Dave & Tina and Kyle & Emilie) and meeting some new ones. It was fun to "go to camp" with Sammy. She loved playing on the playground, walking around camp, and seeing Shamineau Island. (She wasn't too sure about the ponies though...maybe next year...but she LOVED campfire donuts!) Brad got to give everyone an update about our youth pastor search...Andy and Jen will be here in a month! Yahoo! And I stayed up WAY TOO LATE talking with 4 other wives on Friday night.

While I know that Brad had a nice time, he still gets drained by building new relationships and talking youth ministry. I think he walked away with a better perspective on who he is and how God is continuing to use him. Plus Brad has some great ideas he was able to share. But it was probably more of a restful break for me. I loved having Brad around all weekend, and childcare was provided for all the sessions. I forgot how good it was to hang out with other YP wives...and share the sorrows and joys of ministry, parenting, motherhood, and youth group students. We laughed and laughed and laughed! I also got to hang out with Betsy (Reece) Anderson. She was a couple of years older than me at Northwestern, and I look up to her so much. She is a fountain of wisdom and information. I loved soaking up all that she shared.

I love being a mom. I love being married to a youth pastor. And I love being at Lakewood. It is an incredibly healthy church, and throughout the weekend I was reminded again and again of that. (Some of our friends are in REALLY hard situations at their church...very similar to our last church, and I was filled with such empathy for them.) But some days are rough. Some days I miss going on youth retreats. I miss getting up and going to work every day. I miss having free time to do what I like and to be spontaneous with my husband.

But when I shift my eyes off myself and onto all that God has blessed us with, I truly see the selfishness of my ways. And along with being being refreshed and energized from being with some truly wonderful people, I am overwhelmingly grateful for all I have.