I am one day shy of 38 weeks, and I'm SO READY to be done being pregnant! I can't remember being this big and this uncomfortable with Sammy, but chasing after a toddler (in 90 degree heat) can't be helping matters. But my bag is packed. (I FINALLY got to that when I found out last week I'm dilated to 3 and my cervix is softening pretty quickly.) And so is Sammy's. (It kinda dawned on me that she needs one too!) The kids' room is painted. (I love saying kids!) Brad and I kept the purple we had originally for Sammy and added some blue and yellow stripes...it looks kinda crazy from this picture, but it sure is fun once we got everything done! And after finishing a few small things around the house later this weekend, I think we'll be as ready as possible for Baby Boy...well, except for his name. Brad and I are still working on that!
But while I'm ready to be done looking like I swallowed a basketball, I'm not sure I'm ready to be a full-time mother of two. I feel really confident about the whole newborn baby thing, and I'm so excited for Sammy to have a sibling...one that will spend hours watching her run and sing and read and giggle. But life is so easy now...especially with only one child! Sammy goes everywhere with us and completely adjusts to whatever craziness we have going on. She's laid back, will sleep in a pack-n-play anywhere, and is so incredibly fun. How will I balance time with both of them? Will I have enough energy to care for them both?
Maybe it's the fear of not having another Sammy. Maybe it's remembering what a contraction feels like. Maybe it's giving up more of myself...less time with Brad, less time scrapbooking, less sleep. Maybe it's a lack of trust...in God, myself, and God's grace.
I'm not sure. But in the midst of my excitement and joy, I do feel apprehension, anxiety, and a hint of fear. While so many things about labor and delivery and nursing and a baby will not be new to me, there is still so much more that will be.
So I will spend as much time with Sammy and Brad and my scrapbooks as I can, and KNOW deep down inside that this is just a season. Sammy's 20 months of life have FLOWN by. And I will never get these years back.
But while I'm ready to be done looking like I swallowed a basketball, I'm not sure I'm ready to be a full-time mother of two. I feel really confident about the whole newborn baby thing, and I'm so excited for Sammy to have a sibling...one that will spend hours watching her run and sing and read and giggle. But life is so easy now...especially with only one child! Sammy goes everywhere with us and completely adjusts to whatever craziness we have going on. She's laid back, will sleep in a pack-n-play anywhere, and is so incredibly fun. How will I balance time with both of them? Will I have enough energy to care for them both?
Maybe it's the fear of not having another Sammy. Maybe it's remembering what a contraction feels like. Maybe it's giving up more of myself...less time with Brad, less time scrapbooking, less sleep. Maybe it's a lack of trust...in God, myself, and God's grace.
I'm not sure. But in the midst of my excitement and joy, I do feel apprehension, anxiety, and a hint of fear. While so many things about labor and delivery and nursing and a baby will not be new to me, there is still so much more that will be.
So I will spend as much time with Sammy and Brad and my scrapbooks as I can, and KNOW deep down inside that this is just a season. Sammy's 20 months of life have FLOWN by. And I will never get these years back.
4 comments:
Oh, Jenny!
I totally know exactly what you are feeling! I was there just 8 months ago!(Brin is only about 7 months, but those feelings started a month before she was born). Just last week, I was thinking to myself, "You know, Maya was a GREAT baby! But Brin is even better." Seriously! Brin will entertain herself for hours with a pile of toys. Maya NEVER did that. Maya was a laidback girl, but Brin is that much more. You'll be okay. do you remember encouraging me when I had those crazy thoughts? Well, it's my turn now! You will do a fantastic job! I need this baby boy of yours to come soon so I can ask you lots of questions if we ever have one!
I have to tell you about the dream I had of what you named your little boy! It is random and quite funny.
Gianna, you so make me laugh! I can't wait to call you after Baby Boy is here and breathe in your advice and super fun conversation. It will be so refreshing to my tired soul! Thanks for making me smile!
(and I do think Samuel is an EXCELLENT name!) : )
the best part of my dream was you and Brad just sitting there looking so proud of yourselves while everyone else was trying to explain why you shouldn't do it! Come, baby, come! We gotta see what's going on in you!
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