She's all grown up!

One of my biggest concerns and causes of anxiety in my life the last 5-6 months has been potty-training. I had been dreading it, avoiding it, feeling badly about NOT beginning it, and hopelessly unsuccessful when I did try it. It was something someone was ALWAYS asking me about, "so, is Sammy potty-trained yet?" and "when do you think you'll start potty-training her...she is almost 3." I really wanted to do it and felt like she was ready, but I just wasn't ready to do it.

I did have some really good excuses. Sammy had a nervous and mental breakdown when we tried potty-training her this past spring. She cried and cried and stayed on the toilet ALL DAY, even during nap time, because she didn't want to have an accident and get the floor messy. That experience scarred all of us. Then there were missions trips and camps and company for 2 weeks and our Colorado vacation and...you get the picture.


Finally, about a week and a half ago, I decided this was it! I was done with just "kinda" potty training. I was done with trying to train her while she was still in diapers. I was committed to doing it! I was going to put EVERYTHING on hold (grad school, laundry, playing with Caleb, leaving the house) to focus on training her. And, I was taking away the diapers FOR GOOD! So Brad and I decided to let her run around the house (only on the wood floors, of course) in only a shirt and socks. She had one major accident and really didn't like it. After that one time, she has only had one other accident! This has included going pee-pee AND poopy and using the toilet in the nursery, MOPS, other people's homes, and during nap time and night time! We do still put her in a pull-up at night, but at least every other night she wakes me up in the middle of the night to go potty.


I have just been SOARING the last week as I've watched her become more independent and successful with each passing day. I'd like to take some credit for her very quick success, but it really has been ALL Sammy. Sure, Brad and I were there to cheer for her and give her hugs (and M&M's), but she was simply ready to set the diapers aside. She really does seem all grown up!

served with a slice of fear, worry, and embarrassment...

Today, Sammy locked me out of the house...with no key, cell phone, or means to get back into the house. And it wasn't even 12:30 yet...

We were just finishing lunch when Sammy saw our neighbors, Dave and Beatrice outside on a walk. Sammy is rather fond of them, so we quickly cleaned up, put our shoes on and headed outside. After a few minutes of chatting, I told Sammy we had to go back inside. As Caleb and I were saying goodbye, Sammy went into the garage, closed the door and locked the deadbolt. I didn't fully realize what she had done for a minute or two, and then I started trying to get her to unlock the door. By that time she thought it was a game, and she ran inside the house and looked out the window at us. Then I convinced her to go back out to the garage and try to open the door. After a few tries, she started crying and asked me to open the door. By that time, I knew she was too upset to get the door unlocked. Dave called Brad at church on his cell, and I convinced Sammy (through the window) to sit on a dining room chair and sing songs with me until Brad got home. I think it was one of the longest 12 minutes of my life.

Brad finally arrived to the rescue, and after saying good bye and thank you to my neighbors, putting Caleb down for a much overdue nap, and getting a big hug from Brad, it was time to train Sammy about doors and locks. Sammy had never, ever touched any of our locks, so I was surprised she had done it. But she is a very curious almost 3 year old, and there's a first time for everything. (Needless to say, the first thing Brad and I did...after rescuing Sammy from the house...was hide a key outside.) Then there were more hugs, kisses, and cuddle time with Bubba and blanket, and finally nap time.

I can't begin to tell about the variety of emotions I felt in that short 20 minute span of time. At first it didn't phase me, and we were all a bit amused. Then I was frustrated, a bit angry, and then worried, panicked, and gripped with fear when Sammy began crying and then when I couldn't see her through the windows in either the garage or house, I really wanted to break a window or scream for her, but I knew I had to keep calm.

And as I sit here, I feel pretty rotten. Oh, I'm not consumed with worry about if she (or Caleb) will do it again. I'm not even worrying about all the danger she was in by being alone in our house and not having my protection. No, I'm feeling rotten because I feel like a failure again as a mother...to Brad, my neighbors, Brad's co-workers, etc. Why do I always seem to struggle with this? Why can't I stop listening to the lies of the enemy? Why can't I focus on the really great things I do as a mom, and let go of the mistakes I make along the way?

Maybe it's because I want control. Maybe it's because I want to be liked and well thought of. Maybe it's because I'm self-conscious about being a mom. Maybe it's all three. I don't know.

But what I know for sure is that there is GRACE and LOVE and that I don't always have to be perfect. I'm sure my kids will someday do something that will far surpass today's events. And I will (and Brad and Sammy) will learn from today's events, and will be better because of it. And tomorrow, I may be able to laugh about it.

But I am who I am. I have my share of struggles in parenting, and I am quite aware of the things I need to change in myself. But I can't let the things that are sometimes out of my control...like locked doors or unsuccessful days of potty training or the toys that seem to mess themselves up...get me down. I need to focus on what I can change, and let the rest go.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Prov. 3:5-6