This light and momentary affliction...

It amazes me that on beautiful fall days like today, when my to-do list seems to have never ending items of duties to complete, my heart continues to beckon me to rest, worship, stop, remember, and be grateful.  So even though I still have sheets drying on the clothes line outside in the dark, dishes yet to be wiped, and floors that still have the remains of a supper meal, I need...I must stop and write down what's been rolling around in my mind today.


Pastor Jason Meyer preached today out of II Corinthians 4:16-18.  It reads:

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

I have learned a lot about suffering and its good and greater purpose this last year through the preaching of the Word and by watching friends and fellow believers within my church body walk through difficult times with joy and hope.  

It literally brings me to tears.  

I really can't imagine how so many people are walking with joy through these trying circumstances.  I have felt so blessed that God has been gracious to pour out His mercy on our family with good health and provision.  

But last night, as I was finishing up some finances after Brad went to bed, and I fell into such discouragement.  We have 2 older vehicles.  Even though they are both "old", our 94 Civic and 97 Odyssey have been such blessings.  We have had very little repair work done on either one for a couple of years.  But over the last two months, they have both needed normal repair/maintenance work.  (They are both nearing 200,000 miles.)  So after some new CV boots, axles, rotors, spark plugs, brakes and a car battery, we've poured almost $1200 into them.  Ouch.   

After looking at those large bills and the extra money we hadn't anticipated for our kitchen remodel and some other expenses over the summer, I starred at my computer screen in shock and despair.  Since our current income (with both Brad and I working part time) does not exceed our monthly expenses, I began to calculate how many more months we had until our savings would run out.  

Needless to say, I was a bit discouraged.  I went to bed feeling anxious and worried about how we were going to survive these next 3 years of seminary.  

This morning's sermon was quite timely.  Pastor Meyer's 2nd point was the contrast between present suffering and future glory.  Earlier in chapter 1, Paul says that the affliction he (and others) experienced in Asia "so utterly burdened them beyond their strength that they despaired of life itself."  (II Cor. 1:8)

Those were some pretty hard times for Paul.  Yet in today's passage, Paul uses the words "light and momentary" to describe affliction.  Why the change?  When we compare our affliction to this world and all the hardships we suffer while in these earthly and sinful bodies, it brings us to a point of utter despair.  BUT, when we compare our suffering to our future glory, that suffering now is a light load...not one that will burden us down to the point of death.  

Pastor Meyer also said this...which cut straight to my heart.  Discouragement...is a form of arrogance.  It's as if we (finite beings) can see EVERYTHING and we've made a decision that it (fill in the blank) is bad!  We can't see how God is working behind the scenes!  We can't see how suffering is going to accomplish our good and God's glory!  We look at what we see with our human eyes and despair...as IF we knew all that was truly happening around us.  

I haven't been able to shake these words all day....discouragement being a form of arrogance.  So this afternoon during my Sabbath time, I began to stop and remember.  

These 4 years at Bethlehem Seminary are training years.  What Brad will learn and be trained in will, Lord willing, impact God's kingdom.  And what I'm learning from these amazing fellow seminary wives and pastors' wives will also prepare me for the ministry that lies ahead.  

But beyond these late nights studying Hebrew and reading books on eldership, lie personal experiences that will also aid us as we prepare to shepherd the flock God has for us.  

And instead of being discouraged tonight, I am so, so very grateful.  

For the first time in our marriage, Brad and I are literally living paycheck to paycheck.  While I thought that we had been tight with our finances before, it is nothing compared to how we live today.  And this evening, I'm grateful.  God has provided us an experience that we will use someday to comfort and help others who are in this same financial boat.  And I know now, first hand, how it feels to truly trust God for our daily needs.  

Once I started thinking about this current situation, I began to think of other experiences...ones that were hard and painful...that will be used in similar ways.  

Almost 2 years ago, we learned that Brad would no longer have a position at Lakewood E Free Church.  We were blessed to be able to stay on staff until December 31, 2011, but we know first hand what it feels like to lose a job.  For 2 months after that, Brad was unemployed.  He worked so hard to find work, yet we went over 2 months without income.  When he did find work, he was working a 2-10 shift at a local factory.  

What a hard time those months were, but how precious they are to me now.  God has given us a gift in these experiences.  I know what it's like to put the kids to bed every night by myself...to wonder how my husband's interview will go and whether he'll be hired...to respond to friends and family that we can't travel or do certain things because we can't afford to.  

Memories began to flood my mind.  I remembered being homeless for over 3 months...and how humbling it was to move in with friends and store all we had in someone's garage.  I remembered being humbled by asking friends to come over and help us clean and repair our abused, foreclosed home...wondering what they were thinking of our housing choice.  

But now...oh what I have learned about hospitality and home repair and God's faithfulness through these times!  I don't want to forget and I don't want to fall into discouragement...

I can't see the whole picture.  I don't know what God is doing fully in my heart and in others around me.  But now, I know that whatever God brings to my life, it will be purposeful and that I don't have to despair.  

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." - Matthew 6:25-34