Falling into fall

A few weeks ago, when we couldn't ignore the piling of leaves any longer, we attempted to rake the yard. Instead of Brad doing all the work, I dressed up the kids for some good o'l family fun. Armed with rakes, a blue tarp, and a lawnmower with a bag, we headed outside. But by the time the sun set, only half of our yard was done. (I really should have learned by now that anything we do takes twice or three times as long with children.)

But while Brad's goal was to get the lawn raked and mowed, I also wanted to take some pictures of the kids.


And just like we had two different ideas, so did the kids!


Sammy really wanted to run through the leaves again and again and again. (And also sit in the leaves WHILE we were trying to rake them onto the tarp.)


And Caleb wanted NOTHING to do with raking. He did want to run after every car and truck that drove up our street.


Eventually the yard did get raked. We got some super cute pictures of Sammy. And after many tears, we decided that leaves are just not Caleb's thing!

A few days later we went to the Great Pumpkin Festival that was held in town. While it ended up being not exactly what we thought (there weren't a TON of things to do for kids our age), Sammy did get to compete in a pumpkin rolling contest.


As I cheered for her and took pictures, I just was SOOOOOO proud of her! She is such a little girl, but there's nothing she won't try to do or overcome. And even though she didn't win (or even come close) I was so pleased with her energetic and fun spirit. She persevered even though she fell over three times. (It was a pretty BIG pumpkin!) She never gave up until she got all the way to me. She finished the race, despite watching every other child finish before her. No, winning is not everything. But working at something with all your heart and not giving up is something far greater than winning every race. And Brad and I couldn't be any prouder of our little girl!

A time to remember...

I have SOOO much I want to blog about, but SOOO little time to do it! But just a few minutes ago, I tore myself from my studying (well it actually wasn't that hard to stop writing my book reflection), and thought about this exact moment--10:30 p.m.--3 years ago.

Brad and I were just finishing watching "Hitch" when my water broke.

From that moment on, my life has changed forever.


Samantha Grace Aust entered the world on Saturday, October 22, 2005 at 7:04 a.m. after 8 1/2 hours of labor. It was the hardest night of my life, but also the most wonderful and fulfilling. And I just can't believe how fast the last three years have gone. And before I know it, she will be in school and playing soccer (if her daddy has anything to do with it) and going to youth group and graduating from high school. Some times the days are SOOOO long being a mother of preschoolers, but I've learned that the years do fly by.


Sammy constantly surprises me every day. I don't know whether she's learning more about life and God and the beauty of this world or I'm learning more how to be a better mother. There are days when we both fall short and sin and disobey, but I'm thankful that I have her to be my mirror (Mommy, that was not very kind to yell at me) and my precious child from God (Mommy, I love you and you can share my blanket with me). What a gift and what a great responsibility.


I love you Sammy. I love your fearless attitude. I love watching you pray with your dolls. I love when you choose to be kind and loving towards your brother. I love hearing you thank God for the little things...like the lobsters at Walmart. I love watching you try new things. I love hearing you sing (real songs and made up ones). And I love being your Mommy. There is not other place I'd rather be than with you each day looking at the world through your eyes and teaching you about the character and great love of God.

You are a blessing!

She's all grown up!

One of my biggest concerns and causes of anxiety in my life the last 5-6 months has been potty-training. I had been dreading it, avoiding it, feeling badly about NOT beginning it, and hopelessly unsuccessful when I did try it. It was something someone was ALWAYS asking me about, "so, is Sammy potty-trained yet?" and "when do you think you'll start potty-training her...she is almost 3." I really wanted to do it and felt like she was ready, but I just wasn't ready to do it.

I did have some really good excuses. Sammy had a nervous and mental breakdown when we tried potty-training her this past spring. She cried and cried and stayed on the toilet ALL DAY, even during nap time, because she didn't want to have an accident and get the floor messy. That experience scarred all of us. Then there were missions trips and camps and company for 2 weeks and our Colorado vacation and...you get the picture.


Finally, about a week and a half ago, I decided this was it! I was done with just "kinda" potty training. I was done with trying to train her while she was still in diapers. I was committed to doing it! I was going to put EVERYTHING on hold (grad school, laundry, playing with Caleb, leaving the house) to focus on training her. And, I was taking away the diapers FOR GOOD! So Brad and I decided to let her run around the house (only on the wood floors, of course) in only a shirt and socks. She had one major accident and really didn't like it. After that one time, she has only had one other accident! This has included going pee-pee AND poopy and using the toilet in the nursery, MOPS, other people's homes, and during nap time and night time! We do still put her in a pull-up at night, but at least every other night she wakes me up in the middle of the night to go potty.


I have just been SOARING the last week as I've watched her become more independent and successful with each passing day. I'd like to take some credit for her very quick success, but it really has been ALL Sammy. Sure, Brad and I were there to cheer for her and give her hugs (and M&M's), but she was simply ready to set the diapers aside. She really does seem all grown up!

served with a slice of fear, worry, and embarrassment...

Today, Sammy locked me out of the house...with no key, cell phone, or means to get back into the house. And it wasn't even 12:30 yet...

We were just finishing lunch when Sammy saw our neighbors, Dave and Beatrice outside on a walk. Sammy is rather fond of them, so we quickly cleaned up, put our shoes on and headed outside. After a few minutes of chatting, I told Sammy we had to go back inside. As Caleb and I were saying goodbye, Sammy went into the garage, closed the door and locked the deadbolt. I didn't fully realize what she had done for a minute or two, and then I started trying to get her to unlock the door. By that time she thought it was a game, and she ran inside the house and looked out the window at us. Then I convinced her to go back out to the garage and try to open the door. After a few tries, she started crying and asked me to open the door. By that time, I knew she was too upset to get the door unlocked. Dave called Brad at church on his cell, and I convinced Sammy (through the window) to sit on a dining room chair and sing songs with me until Brad got home. I think it was one of the longest 12 minutes of my life.

Brad finally arrived to the rescue, and after saying good bye and thank you to my neighbors, putting Caleb down for a much overdue nap, and getting a big hug from Brad, it was time to train Sammy about doors and locks. Sammy had never, ever touched any of our locks, so I was surprised she had done it. But she is a very curious almost 3 year old, and there's a first time for everything. (Needless to say, the first thing Brad and I did...after rescuing Sammy from the house...was hide a key outside.) Then there were more hugs, kisses, and cuddle time with Bubba and blanket, and finally nap time.

I can't begin to tell about the variety of emotions I felt in that short 20 minute span of time. At first it didn't phase me, and we were all a bit amused. Then I was frustrated, a bit angry, and then worried, panicked, and gripped with fear when Sammy began crying and then when I couldn't see her through the windows in either the garage or house, I really wanted to break a window or scream for her, but I knew I had to keep calm.

And as I sit here, I feel pretty rotten. Oh, I'm not consumed with worry about if she (or Caleb) will do it again. I'm not even worrying about all the danger she was in by being alone in our house and not having my protection. No, I'm feeling rotten because I feel like a failure again as a mother...to Brad, my neighbors, Brad's co-workers, etc. Why do I always seem to struggle with this? Why can't I stop listening to the lies of the enemy? Why can't I focus on the really great things I do as a mom, and let go of the mistakes I make along the way?

Maybe it's because I want control. Maybe it's because I want to be liked and well thought of. Maybe it's because I'm self-conscious about being a mom. Maybe it's all three. I don't know.

But what I know for sure is that there is GRACE and LOVE and that I don't always have to be perfect. I'm sure my kids will someday do something that will far surpass today's events. And I will (and Brad and Sammy) will learn from today's events, and will be better because of it. And tomorrow, I may be able to laugh about it.

But I am who I am. I have my share of struggles in parenting, and I am quite aware of the things I need to change in myself. But I can't let the things that are sometimes out of my control...like locked doors or unsuccessful days of potty training or the toys that seem to mess themselves up...get me down. I need to focus on what I can change, and let the rest go.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Prov. 3:5-6

Out with the old...

Throughout this year Brad and I have been purging some old and very outdated things and adding some new items to our home and lives. Brad and I are not big spenders, but we've been budgeting gradually for a couple of items. The first to go was the couch!
We've had this couch in our lives since the fall of 1996. That's right folks, for over 12 years! It was in Brad's college apartment for 2 years, in my apartment for another, and in our home (as a married couple) for 9 years! It was the ugliest couch, but really, really comfortable...that's probably because once you sat down, you could never get up. Our youth group students were pretty sad to see it go, but it eventually made its way to the basement of one of our students. So if we (or Tika or Bobbi) miss it, we can still visit it!
We weren't sure what kind of couch we wanted, but after finding this one at Ashley Furniture for 45% off, we bought it. And it was our VERY FIRST major furniture buy of our marriage. That sounds really sad, but we have been blessed with so much that we really haven't needed to make any big purchases. And we had NO CLUE how expensive furniture could be! But God is good and has always provided all we need...and we REALLY love it!

The next thing to go was our comforter and bedding. (Sorry, I don't have any pictures of the previous bedspread.) The ladies in our first church hand-made a really pretty quilted comforter for us, and I really treasured it. But after 9 years of washing and use, it was getting pretty faded and worn out. So after many months of shopping, we found this GREAT bedding set for 70% off! Yahoo! We added a mirror, picture frames, and some candles, and it was a brand new room.
And the last thing *sniff, sniff* to go was our beloved Isaac. This is the 2nd Honda Accord that we've said good-bye to in our marriage. He was a GREAT car. We were really sad to see him go, but we really needed a van.

So we upgraded from a 90 Accord to a 97 Honda Odyssey...who is affectionately named Homer. I cannot tell you how much I LOVE my mini-van! I love running errands with him and having the extra space! And even though he's an older model, he fit our budget and our need.

But recently, sometimes in the very same breath, I am both praising God for His goodness and wonderful provisions, and am frustrated and complaining with what I've got. Recently another friend bought an Odyssey, and I was SO EXCITED for her because I have loved ours. But a few days later, I began to think how nice it would have been to have a newer model or one with fewer miles. I could feel myself become unsatisfied with what I had. And the discontentment bug began buzzing around my ear like a pesky mosquito.

And in my Sabbath Rest time this week, I was reminded that our attitude is a lot about perspective, and I realized that I had lost mine. I let my eyes wander to another person's stuff and began to be envious. I also forgot about those who have far less than me. And after some confessing, gratitude wells up again in me, and I am at peace again.

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33