Thanksgiving 2006

I love getting together with Brad's family. I don't know if it's seeing him together with his two brothers (which usually means the boys are watching the Thanksgiving football games or talking Vikings or tossing the football around outside while the women tend to the cooking and child care) or if it's watching the nieces play together. And since we all live so far away from each other (MN, FL, IN, and NC), it's good just to be together.

This Thanksgiving we met near Gatlinberg, TN and rented a house big enough for all of us and our growing families. Because airfare was OUTRAGEOUS, Brad and I decided to drive. NEVER AGAIN!

We used to love road trips. We drove all the way from Bismarck, ND to Spokane, WA the day after we got married. But with a one year old (who was, by the way, incredibly well behaved and content almost all of the 4 1/2 days we were on the road...aside from throwing up once the first day...) and the simple fact of being in the car for 12-14 hours a day, well, I was ready to be home.

And even though I felt we were in the car way too much (especially once we got to TN), and I was bummed we didn't get to play many games together after the kids went to bed, we had some really good times. I really enjoyed spending time in the back of the van with my sister-in-law Sarah. We had an incredible view of the Smokey Mountains from our house. Meeting my new niece, Lauren, was such a treat, and seeing Grandma Hedberg enjoy herself in Gatlinberg was a joy...even though I was very cold and very tired. But the best was taking a family picture (with all 11 of us) and a picture of Grandma Aust with her three granddaughters. We did everything we could to get the girls to smile...and placing food in front of them finally worked. We laughed and laughed until we cried. It was a very long ordeal, but well worth it.

But on the way home, as we sat in traffic for 2 hours (by the way, we traveled a total of 15 miles in those 2 hours), I began to think that it would be nice to have a holiday for just Brad, Sammy, and me. I love seeing Brad's family (and mine as well), but spending more time in the car than at the actual place we were renting was really hard. And if we would fly anywhere next year, after October, we would have to pay for Sammy as well.

So when does one start spending holidays as a new family unit and not as a large group? How does one even make the suggestion to the extended family? I don't know the answer to those questions, but Brad and I will certainly be thinking more and more about it as our family grows and as the distance between the members of his family remains so great.

But, for now, I will be thankful for the opportunity to get away for a few days (even though most of it was in the car) and remember the boys lifting Grandma Hedberg up an embankment (in her wheelchair) and pushing her into three lanes of oncoming traffic just because we didn't want to drive to get to a restaurant, and I will smile.

A better me

Last weekend Brad was out of town, so my friend Melanie drove up from the Cities to spend the weekend with Sammy and me. We watched chic flicks (which my husband HARDLY ever watches with me), went shopping, and stayed up late talking. Even though I was very tired by the weekend's end, I felt refreshed.

Even though Melanie is not a parent yet, she knows (because of her many years of nannying), that moms don't take care of themselves. We don't buy a great scent because it makes us feel pretty or buy a sexy shirt for a date with our husbands. We sacrifice a lot of money, time, energy, and wants of our own for the sake of our children and families. So, Melanie took me shopping. I think I tried on 10 different shirts before I found one that I really liked. And Sammy was so content and busy watching herself (and 4 other twin friends in the 4-way mirror in the dressing room). By the end of the day, I picked up a couple of items that made me feel terrific! I felt alive, beautiful, and totally dotted on.

Then we came home, and Melanie took a look into my closet. I used to be a teacher who dressed pretty professional everyday...with the dresses, high heels, pantyhose, etc, but since I've been a stay-at-home mom, my wardrobe is mainly comprised of jeans, sweatshirts, t-shirts, and an occasional dressy shirt I wear to MOPS or BSF. But I had also been holding onto some clothes I was NEVER going to wear again. You all know what I'm talking about! Those TOO SMALL clothes (that maybe I'll fit back into someday after my 4th child) or TOO LARGE clothes (that I may still use if I gain 40 pounds during my next pregnancy) or the clothes still from HIGH SCHOOL. (I know you all still have a couple of those in your closets!) So, I purged, and purged, and purged, and I felt so free. (FLYLady has been preaching this same thing to me the last few weeks.) I put a bunch of clothes aside to be given away, and I felt wonderful. Our weekend was topped off with another movie and new red nail polish for my toenails. (Yet another thing that made me feel so pretty!)

It’s really so crazy that a new shirt or nail polish can have such a dramatic change on my attitude and demeanor. I feel so warm and fuzzy when I put on my new vest or see my red toenails or think about my next date with Brad.

Something so small can change everything.

So how do I take care of myself so that I can be a better mother, wife, and friend? How do you? Life is too short to not take a moment for ourselves. I know now to take a few minutes everyday for myself, and to find money in the budget (somewhere) to buy a new shirt or get my haircut or get a massage.

Why? Because I (and my husband and daughter) am worth every penny.

Stretching of my faith

Last Friday, while I was playing with Sammy, I heard a knock at the door. I knew that it could only be one of three kinds of people who would be knocking on my front door at 3:00 in the afternoon--the Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, or (because it is election time in Minnesota) a candidate running for office. This time it was two young men in dress clothes from the Mormon Church.

I love talking to Mormons. One of the reasons I was so excited to be a homeowner was the frequent visits by friends, neighbors, and people trying to convert me to their faith.

Now while I firmly disagree with their beliefs (even though they say they are Christians and believe in Jesus Christ and the Bible), I welcome opportunities to talk with them. But I used to be so scared to talk to them. What if I couldn't remember what to say? What if I called myself a Christian, but couldn't come up with the right verses to share? What if I just sounded stupid?

So since I've been a stay at home mom, I've reviewed verses in the Bible to discredit many of their strange beliefs, studied the Mormon church, their original "prophet" Joseph Smith, his life, and his teachings and writings...knowing that I would probably have them show up at my door at some time.

After an hour and a half...that's right...a whole hour and a half, we finally parted ways. We had talked about salvation, heaven, hell, Jesus Christ in the Americas, Mary, modern day apostleship, the Bible, the Book of Mormon, among other things. Before I closed the door, the two young men asked me to just read through the Book of Mormon and pray that God would make it clear if it was truly His word. I agreed to do that. (When I did eventually read through the first 2 books in the Book of Mormon, I was so upset by what I was reading—Smith copying almost the entire book of Isaiah saying that it was a “new revelation” and writing words that he claimed my Lord, Jesus Christ had said in the Americas--that I had to put it down before I started it on fire.) Then I asked them to pray about whether Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God. Because if my belief is true, they would someday stand before God the Father and have to explain why they followed the beliefs and writings of a false prophet. They also agreed. We didn’t convert each other to our respective belief systems, but I do hope I planted some seeds in their hearts.

Afterwards I gave Sammy a snack (she was so STARVING because she hadn’t gotten her afternoon snack because of our visitors) and immediately called Brad. He put me on speaker phone and I told him all about it and asked him about two questions they had for me which I didn’t have a really good answer for. I was SO THANKFUL that I only had two questions that I wasn’t quite sure how to answer—God is good! He and the rest of his office staff got a kick out of my conversation with them.

The one thing I kept repeating to them when they asked me why I believed a certain thing was, “It says so in the Bible, and I believe that it is God breathed, inspired by the Holy Spirit, accurate and completely infallible. Every belief I have is founded in the Bible.” The Bible is key to what I believe. If I can’t correctly communicate that to others, I have a serious problem.

Even though my heart was beating wildly when I first opened the door, now looking back on it, I see that I have grown and my faith has been strengthened by the experience. The Bible says that we should always be ready to give the reason for the hope that we have, and I hope that I accurately and firmly communicated that faith to those two young men.

In the hands of the Father

I realized today that I am not going to be able to protect Sammy from every danger. I knew this in my head, but I'm really coming to believe it.

I've always done a pretty good job at keeping an eye on Sammy. She's pretty obedient, and our house is relatively danger free. At least, that's what I thought until Wednesday morning.

I just turned around for a second to tend to the fire in our fireplace. When I turned back around, Sammy had gotten into an end table drawer. She had an empty package of size A23 batteries in one hand and one battery in her mouth, with her lips tightly closed. I screamed, and quickly got the battery out of her mouth. But that's when I really started to panic. I didn't know where the second battery was! I couldn't remember if Brad had already opened the plastic wrapping and used one battery. I was petrified that she swallowed one. I immediately called Brad, asked him if he had used the other battery, and continued to grill him for at least 2 full minutes when he couldn't remember right away. He finally remembered that he thought he put a new battery in his garage door opener. While he ran out to his car to check, I began to pace back and forth, with poison control's number in my hand. When he returned to the phone with good news, I finally breathed a sigh of relief, and held Sammy tightly in my arms.

Today as Sammy was walking to me, she fell pretty hard on her face. She really doesn't cry much when she falls down or hits her head, but it took me a bit longer than normal to calm her down. When her tears stopped, I happened to take a good look at her face, and I realized that she was bleeding and had put a pretty good size cut on her nose. I freaked out, washed her face, and again, held her tightly in my arms.

Now I know that kids fall and get hurt. But when it's your own child, it really affects you. Now I hear you veteran parents saying, “The older she gets and the more children you have, the less you will worry about this.” You’re probably right, but for right now, these incidents have affected me very deeply. I want her to be safe. I want her to be happy. I want to protect her from everything.

Being a parent causes you to trust God like you never have before.

I've just got to remember that He is the one who sent me this child, made me a parent, and gave me the job of loving and raising this child. And even though I can’t fully comprehend it, He loves Sammy so much more than I do. He too is concerned about her choices and her fears and her heartaches. He too wants the best for her. And, to my incredibly grateful heart, unlike me and her father someday, He will be with her always and never leave or forsake her.

The New Eve

I'm currently taking a Sunday morning class at my church called, "The New Eve." The class is about godly, authentic womanhood in the 21st century. I guess I had never really thought about that, so I was interested in learning more about it.

While sometimes Dr. Robert Lewis (he's the guy who's doing the class--via a DVD) sometimes comes across very strongly that every woman should get married, have kids, be a stay at home mom, etc, he's got some really good stuff to say. He talks about how women feel about themselves today (many are struggling with security, balance, trying to do it all, loneliness, raising children, saying 'no' etc.--and are fearing things like failing as a mother or wife, trusting God, missing out, divorce, insecurity, feeling God's love--just to name a few). He says that if we would just think about God's calling on our lives, instead of our own wants or desires (or listen to what the world tells us we should do or be), we'd live much more abundant lives and be able to figure out the issues of femininity, of motherhood, of a career, and of the freedom that our mom's generation worked so hard for us to get.

I didn't realize what a big issue this was until I started talking with some junior girls who are also taking the class. They are told (by parents, teachers, the world, or themselves) that they need to pick a major, pick a college, and be able to provide financially for themselves--without relying on family or a husband. One of the girls said that when people ask her that age old question--"what are you going to do with your life?--she replies that she simply wants to be a wife and mother. And they begin to ask her questions like, "What if your husband dies?" or "What if you don't get married right away?" or others like that.

I know that education is very important, but what happened to the high calling of motherhood? What happened to respecting women and their dedication to stay at home and raise productive, happy, well-adjusted human beings? Another one of the girls said, “I just don’t think I’m going to have time for a husband or a family.” She’s only 16 years old, and this is what she’s been taught to believe.

As the class has continued, Dr. Lewis has focused more on God’s individual calling on our lives—which may include being a mom AND a CEO. He wants us as women to ask ourselves hard questions like, “How do I please God in all this—is He glorified by me trying to do it all?” or “Do I just make the choices for my life, family, and profession based upon what the world tells me I should do?”

I have to confess, I have made choices for my life based upon what I wanted. Brad and I have been trying to get pregnant again, but as I think about it, I never once prayed about whether it was God’s will for us to add another child to our family. I only thought about the joy of another child, and holding a precious baby in my arms again.

Is it that we don’t trust God fully with our lives, or are so prideful that we don’t really care what He says, or haven’t really fully made Him LORD of our whole self? I don’t know which one it is for me, but I do know one thing—I WANT to know God’s calling on my life, and I WANT to serve Him whole-heartedly. I guess I’m just like every other Christian woman out there—trying to do it all to the best of my ability AND be a follower of Christ.