A time to release

A friend said to me yesterday, "I haven't really seen you smile since like October."

She meant no disrespect...she was truly telling me how she saw it, and I appreciate her honesty.

And, yes, I think that does about sum it up.

It's been a long last couple of months.

I breathe a heavy sigh as I type that.

I remember journaling in my Sabbath notebook about a year ago that I felt so completely blessed and fulfilled. That all was "right in the world" concerning my home, children, husband, friends, and church.

Then I wrote..."but I feel something is coming...and I pray that this mountain-top time will prepare me for what's ahead."

I feel like I am now in the midst of that "time" right now.

I haven't posted anything on my blog for almost a month. I've written partial and entire posts, but eventually decided to disregard them or delete them all together. It's been hard for me to separate my emotions and what they are saying about my current life and what God's Word says about it.

Much of what I have written and not published were really "self-pity" posts. One night about 2 weeks ago, I read through a post I was just about to publish and realized how incredibly self-absorbed, whiny, and ungrateful it sounded.

It really disgusted me.

At that moment, I felt as if God was saying to stop using my blog to release my burdens...but to instead release them to Him.

So, my blog has cease to exist until I felt I was able to take all the burdens I have (and am continuing to carry around) to Him first.

I'm still working...daily...at laying my burdens at His feet. It's been a grueling road, especially these last 6 weeks, but I'm praying that as I travel through these trials, God continues to refine me, placing me in conditions where all the muck can be sifted off the top to reveal a more beautiful and clearer reflection of Himself.