This light and momentary affliction...

It amazes me that on beautiful fall days like today, when my to-do list seems to have never ending items of duties to complete, my heart continues to beckon me to rest, worship, stop, remember, and be grateful.  So even though I still have sheets drying on the clothes line outside in the dark, dishes yet to be wiped, and floors that still have the remains of a supper meal, I need...I must stop and write down what's been rolling around in my mind today.


Pastor Jason Meyer preached today out of II Corinthians 4:16-18.  It reads:

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

I have learned a lot about suffering and its good and greater purpose this last year through the preaching of the Word and by watching friends and fellow believers within my church body walk through difficult times with joy and hope.  

It literally brings me to tears.  

I really can't imagine how so many people are walking with joy through these trying circumstances.  I have felt so blessed that God has been gracious to pour out His mercy on our family with good health and provision.  

But last night, as I was finishing up some finances after Brad went to bed, and I fell into such discouragement.  We have 2 older vehicles.  Even though they are both "old", our 94 Civic and 97 Odyssey have been such blessings.  We have had very little repair work done on either one for a couple of years.  But over the last two months, they have both needed normal repair/maintenance work.  (They are both nearing 200,000 miles.)  So after some new CV boots, axles, rotors, spark plugs, brakes and a car battery, we've poured almost $1200 into them.  Ouch.   

After looking at those large bills and the extra money we hadn't anticipated for our kitchen remodel and some other expenses over the summer, I starred at my computer screen in shock and despair.  Since our current income (with both Brad and I working part time) does not exceed our monthly expenses, I began to calculate how many more months we had until our savings would run out.  

Needless to say, I was a bit discouraged.  I went to bed feeling anxious and worried about how we were going to survive these next 3 years of seminary.  

This morning's sermon was quite timely.  Pastor Meyer's 2nd point was the contrast between present suffering and future glory.  Earlier in chapter 1, Paul says that the affliction he (and others) experienced in Asia "so utterly burdened them beyond their strength that they despaired of life itself."  (II Cor. 1:8)

Those were some pretty hard times for Paul.  Yet in today's passage, Paul uses the words "light and momentary" to describe affliction.  Why the change?  When we compare our affliction to this world and all the hardships we suffer while in these earthly and sinful bodies, it brings us to a point of utter despair.  BUT, when we compare our suffering to our future glory, that suffering now is a light load...not one that will burden us down to the point of death.  

Pastor Meyer also said this...which cut straight to my heart.  Discouragement...is a form of arrogance.  It's as if we (finite beings) can see EVERYTHING and we've made a decision that it (fill in the blank) is bad!  We can't see how God is working behind the scenes!  We can't see how suffering is going to accomplish our good and God's glory!  We look at what we see with our human eyes and despair...as IF we knew all that was truly happening around us.  

I haven't been able to shake these words all day....discouragement being a form of arrogance.  So this afternoon during my Sabbath time, I began to stop and remember.  

These 4 years at Bethlehem Seminary are training years.  What Brad will learn and be trained in will, Lord willing, impact God's kingdom.  And what I'm learning from these amazing fellow seminary wives and pastors' wives will also prepare me for the ministry that lies ahead.  

But beyond these late nights studying Hebrew and reading books on eldership, lie personal experiences that will also aid us as we prepare to shepherd the flock God has for us.  

And instead of being discouraged tonight, I am so, so very grateful.  

For the first time in our marriage, Brad and I are literally living paycheck to paycheck.  While I thought that we had been tight with our finances before, it is nothing compared to how we live today.  And this evening, I'm grateful.  God has provided us an experience that we will use someday to comfort and help others who are in this same financial boat.  And I know now, first hand, how it feels to truly trust God for our daily needs.  

Once I started thinking about this current situation, I began to think of other experiences...ones that were hard and painful...that will be used in similar ways.  

Almost 2 years ago, we learned that Brad would no longer have a position at Lakewood E Free Church.  We were blessed to be able to stay on staff until December 31, 2011, but we know first hand what it feels like to lose a job.  For 2 months after that, Brad was unemployed.  He worked so hard to find work, yet we went over 2 months without income.  When he did find work, he was working a 2-10 shift at a local factory.  

What a hard time those months were, but how precious they are to me now.  God has given us a gift in these experiences.  I know what it's like to put the kids to bed every night by myself...to wonder how my husband's interview will go and whether he'll be hired...to respond to friends and family that we can't travel or do certain things because we can't afford to.  

Memories began to flood my mind.  I remembered being homeless for over 3 months...and how humbling it was to move in with friends and store all we had in someone's garage.  I remembered being humbled by asking friends to come over and help us clean and repair our abused, foreclosed home...wondering what they were thinking of our housing choice.  

But now...oh what I have learned about hospitality and home repair and God's faithfulness through these times!  I don't want to forget and I don't want to fall into discouragement...

I can't see the whole picture.  I don't know what God is doing fully in my heart and in others around me.  But now, I know that whatever God brings to my life, it will be purposeful and that I don't have to despair.  

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." - Matthew 6:25-34

Christmas Letter 2012

"The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deut. 31:8

Dear friends and family,       

We write to you just a few weeks into a fresh year...one that we hope will be full of blessings and joy for you as you seek to know and be fully satisfied in Christ our King! 

Much has happened since we sent out an update letter last June.  After selling our house last May, we spent 3 months living with our dear friends, Paul and Emily Allegra, on their farm just south of Brainerd.  Words cannot express the kindness and love we felt as they so generously opened their home to our family.  Living there was a true blessing, and we will never forget “our summer on the farm.”  Caleb especially loved it. He became good buddies with the Allegra’s oldest boys, and still talks about tractors, riding on the gator, playing in the hay loft and baling hay with Mr. Paul.  We are so grateful for that fun and precious time!

We spent most of June searching for housing in Minneapolis.  After looking at close to 30 homes, we put an offer on a foreclosed house in Brooklyn Center.  By July 3, we learned that our offer had been accepted!  Thus began the craziest and busiest 6 months of our lives!  Brad had begun taking a 7 week accelerated Greek class in the Cities the last week of June.  Since he was going to be gone from us so often, the kids and I kept busy with T-ball (Caleb), gymnastics (Sammy & Caleb), play dates at the park with friends, and Vacation Bible School (Sammy & Caleb).  The kids also spent a great deal of time with my Mom and Dad in Bismarck so I could focus on the countless errands and things to do in preparation for our transition to the Twin Cities and Brad could focus on passing the National Greek Exam (which was necessary for admission into seminary) and working on our new home.  We are so grateful for the 3+ weeks they spent in ND during parts of July and August swimming, going to the zoo, and playing with Grandma and Papa! 
  
We closed on our house on July 24 and as we walked into our new home, I remember thinking to myself, “What have we done?”  We had looked at many foreclosed homes in various conditions and even though our home didn’t need many expensive repairs, it was disgustingly dirty with layers of grease and grim and mildew on many of the walls and ceilings.  We also had almost 2 pages of repairs that needed to be done before we could even occupy the house.  We set to work and with the help of several Twin Cities friends, we were able to pass inspection on August 7.  It felt so good to actually be able to sleep on the floor of our new home!  We learned a TON about plumbing and mudding and taping and code violations!  Brad did a great job working on the house, and I really came to appreciate all those hours on the “paint crew” in college since I prepped, primed, and painted every ceiling and wall in our home.

On August 18, after a very bittersweet good-bye in Brainerd to our dear friends of 8 years, we loaded up and headed to our new home.  We were welcomed by many old college friends and new friends from Bethlehem Seminary who helped us move in.

Brad officially began orientation for Bethlehem Seminary just 4 days after we moved and there was so much work yet to do!  Brad’s mom, Betty, spent a week with us cleaning windows, unpacking, playing with the kids, and washing my dishes!  She is an incredibly hard worker, and we were so grateful for her help! 

The rest of August and September, to be completely honest, was a blur.  Jumping into the rigor of seminary work, looking for part time work (for both me and Brad) and still finishing a long list of projects on our home was quite a “shock to our systems!” I don’t know how we survived those first few months; I truly don’t!  I missed my friends and the familiarity of Brainerd so much, and this “new normal” of Brad’s incredibly heavy study load was hard for me to adjust to. 

But now, after having a semester under our belts, we can truly see the goodness of God as He provided for us in ways we could have never imagined! 

Although our house was a TON of work, it is an amazing blessing to us!  We have a big back yard, room for our kids to play, an office for Brad to study, and extra room to house old and new friends.  Although I still find myself complaining about my “highly dysfunctional kitchen” (that we hope to remodel sometime in the upcoming year), I am grateful for a place to cook meals for our family and provide hospitality to those God brings to our door. 

Less than a month before school started for Sammy, we learned that she had been accepted to Birch Grove School for the Performing Arts, a magnet school in our district.  We had been praying about schooling options for her, and we felt this was a clear answer to prayer!  Her new school is just the perfect fit for our highly musical and dramatic daughter!  She’s even one of 61 students that was casted for her school’s spring musical!  God provided so personally and specifically for her gifts and personality!

God also provided a great part time job for Brad.  He’s working at Delta Industrial 1-2 days a week during school and full time on breaks.  The business is owned by a family from our old church in Brainerd.  We are so grateful for the flexibility and steady hours that this job offers.  God truly provided the perfect job for Brad for this specific season!

I have been blessed by the twice a month gatherings of the other seminary wives.  I am poured into and trained and loved by several pastors’ and professors’ wives.  I so look forward to those Tuesday nights, and feel very blessed to be in a tight community with other women going through the same things I am!  I am also doing some childcare in my home, and I am slowly growing a network of families whose children I care for.

We are also enjoying being so close to Brian and Sarah.  We’ve been able to see them several times since we moved, and that is such a blessing!  We had them over for Sammy’s birthday party in October, I met Sarah for a playdate in Woodbury, we spent Thanksgiving Day with them, met them downtown for the Holidazzle Parade last month, and have more get-togethers planned for this winter/spring.  Being near family is such a blessing! 

My parents have also been able to visit twice and help with some final projects.  Putting on doors is NOT my strength, so I was glad that Dad was here to help Brad hang the final 3 bedroom closet doors!
   
All of these blessings and provisions have been such good gifts from the Lord!  Even though we have worked harder...on less sleep...with less income...in highly stressful circumstances the last 6 months, we have learned so much about finding our true satisfaction and joy in our unchanging and all-powerful God!  He has truly sustained our family, both financially and physically. 

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

As you think of us, would you pray for a smooth transition back to school this spring semester?  And also that we would guard our time, as it has become the most precious resource to us.  Please also join us in praising God for His provision of work for both Brad and myself and the finances needed for this new year.    

Our desire is to know and love God and to make His name great as we journey through these next 3 1/2 years of seminary.  All the circumstances of this last year were by His provincial hand and He has brought us through many hard, but good times.   

We think and pray often for you all, our dear friends and family!  We are praying for God to personally meet with each of you as you look to Him to provide all that you and your families need. 

With much love,
Brad, Jenny, Sammy, Caleb, and Hannah Aust

Flashback on the 15th - Sledding and Skating Fun

Brad and I have been ever so  s l o w l y  working our way through editing and organizing our 2012 pictures.  We found these ones from February of last year.  

Snow was pretty short to come by last winter.  I remember just having a few days to enjoy the white powder.  One afternoon we headed over to my friend, Liz's house to sled down their small hill in their back yard.  

Sooooo much fun!

Here's Hannah and her "best friend" Aleah.  Aleah is less than 2 months older than Hannah.  

There's always a truck or two in the back of my van.  Caleb can't seem to travel without his favorite one named "Ali".  Caleb let Hannah have a turn with it.  

LOVE this one!  He is such a boy!

I don't give birth to children with any fear of anything.  They will try anything!  Hannah just jumped right in!

LOVE this boy!



Tamera is almost exactly a year younger than Caleb.  They were in a pre-school co-op together in Brainerd.  

Sammy, not wanting to be outdone!

Brainerd's park and rec also flooded several areas at local parks and provided free skates for families.  We had wanted to go ice skating several times, but we only managed to get on the ice once due to abnormally warm weather.  

Brad is trying to teach Sammy...who is not so graceful on ice skates!

Caleb actually did much better on his skates than his older sister. 

And what did Hannah and I do?  Twirl around the ice with her stroller!

This is one of Sammy's more graceful pictures.  She was on her bottom quite a bit!

And when all else fails...and one gets tired of ice skating...

Make an "ice angel!"  

I have the silliest children!

Six things I've learned from our 1st semester of seminary

1. My husband is incredibly hard working.  

I don't know how he did it...16 hours of class, 16 hours of work, 4-5 hours of volunteering (welcome desk, mentoring, etc), 25+ hours of studying...  That's not even including all the many house projects that he worked on in the very, very limited free time he had.  So, did you add that up?  62+ hours in just class, studying, and work. That's crazy.  He's amazes me.

2. My husband does so much more "around the house" than I ever gave him credit for.

When Brad was in full time vocational ministry in Brainerd, I used to complain about how little I felt he did around the house.  I so have had to eat my words...and ask for his forgiveness.  My complaints were not merited.  I have come to realize just how much he did...kids' toys were fixed, garbage was taken out, oil was changed on the vehicles, dishwasher was unloaded...because he is completely unable to do much of it now with his study and work load.  It's just not humanly possible for him or anyone else to study, work, AND help around the house for that matter.  I've come to really be okay with this and fully embrace this "new normal."  

3.  God sustained our physical bodies...even on very little sleep.

I don't know how Brad and I never got seriously sick this past semester.  We had short bouts with a runny nose or a sore throat, but it never turned into a full fledged cold or sickness.  He never missed a day of class or work, and I never had to call friends to help me because I was too sick to take care for our kiddos.  Many nights we wouldn't get to bed until after 1...and between getting up to help Hannah go potty or helping her to find her nuk or going into Caleb's room to rub his legs due to growing pains...we never got more than 4-5 hours of sleep each night.  God truly sustained us.  

4.  God provided all we needed, especially financially.   

I don't know how we're able to pay our bills each month.  I don't know how our savings has not run out.  I don't know how we are able to go to seminary without having to go into debt.  I just don't know.  If you really know Brad and me well, you know that we keep track of everything we spend.  Every. Single. Penny.  I'm not kidding you.  Even though Brad and I both completely know our bills, accounts, etc., I take care of paying all the bills and handle all the finances during this season of our lives.  And I can't explain how we are surviving except by the grace of God.  He has provided for us through human hands as well extra hours at work during his Christmas break.  It truly has humbled us and blown us away by His goodness and provision.  We praise God for His faithfulness!  

5.  Time is much more precious than money.

We learned the very first week or two that we were both going to have to say good-bye to some "time wasters" and "areas of relaxation and escape" because there was just no extra time.  So for the first time (in our marriage and probably his ENTIRE life), Brad gave up watching the Vikings.  This. Is. Huge! He LOVES the Vikings...he loves talking about them with his brothers and he loves listening to Paul Allen on KFAN talk about the Vikings...he is a great fan!  He decided that Sunday had to be a day of rest.  And since he was studying for 5+ hours most Saturdays, Sunday afternoons were precious.  So he filled those afternoons with Lego creating, Wii playing, block building times with the kids, and he never regretted it. And I gave up ALL television.  For the first time in my life, I didn't watch one episode of Survivor or any other TV show.  With all the extra work I had on my plate, it just wasn't possible.  Time became very precious to us, and we didn't have the luxury to waste it.  

6.  While seminary and this season of our life is hard, that doesn't mean it's not good. 

Seminary has been much harder than I ever expected.  I have had to relinquish control and give up comforts and destroy previous held thoughts about how "this" was supposed to be.  It's been hard, really hard at times.  But it has been so very good as well.  I've learned more about savoring my Savior and being fully satisfied in Him than at any other time in my life.  In Him I am able to find fullness of joy and an ability to "bear" all the extra that He has given to me during this time.  We still struggle with finding family and couple time, but we're learning a "new rhythm" with each passing week.    

"This"

"If it matters, you make the time. If it doesn’t, you make excuses." from Ann Voskamp's blog 

Day 2 of a new year...yet all my new ideas and habits didn't go as swimmingly as I had hoped...

Thankful for new mercies and grace every morning!

"Tomorrow, it will descend like a fresh dew, a fresh snow, and it will come again — Fresh grace all over again." - Ann Voskamp


I posted that on my Facebook wall a few days ago as I was struggling with implementing new habits in this new year.  

It's now 5 days later, and things are still not going as planned.  

I realized that no matter how much I love spending time evaluating my shepherding of my children and discovering better ways to manage my home and dissecting my day to determine how I can use my time more wisely and making lists on how to add these positive changes into my life, it's not like there's anything magical that happens when the calendar flips from December to January.  

There's no *POOF* and new habits are miraculously implemented.

At least that hasn't happened to me.  

But what there is...is grace.  

And grace has fallen so sweetly on me this past 6 months.  

So, here I am...on January 7 (and not January 1, like I had hoped) ...finally writing a post...after months of setting my blog aside completely to focus on my family's transition to the Twin Cities and seminary life...and I'm not even writing about what I had intended to! 

Please, someone tell me this doesn't just happen to me!  

So my post on "16 things I've learned during my husband's 1st semester in seminary" and "101 crazy things that Caleb can build with popsicle sticks" and "21 ways to survive on 4-5 hours of sleep per night" will just have to wait.

Because I just can't shake or get out of my mind something that Jason Meyer, Bethlehem Baptist Church's new Pastor of Preaching and Vision, said in his sermon.  

He was sharing a bit about how God led him and many others to believe he would be John Piper's successor.  He shared how he didn't want this path...how this wasn't something he wanted to pursue...how he tried to give every reason why he wasn't the guy for the job...and then he shared what he felt God was saying to him...

"What if this (becoming John Piper's successor) is the way that you will have more of Me?" 

And my mind began to race.  

I began to think of the "this" in my own life. 

Moving. 
Leaving my support system of 8 years.
Leaving the comforts of a regular, steady, and reliable paycheck.
The endless work of a foreclosed home.
The rigor of seminary.
Uncertainties.
Anxiety about finances.
Lack of time for...well...anything. 

And...

...the incredible joy and dependence and satisfaction that can only come from being in the very center of God's will as He leads and provides and continues to make a way when there seems to be only rocky terrain.  

Yes, even though "this" has been a rough and very difficult road at times, "this" has been good.

Very good.  

As the day as progressed, I began to think of the "this" in so many of my dear friend's lives.  

Loneliness.
Depression.
Illness.
Cancer.
Aging parents.

What if we resolved in our hearts and minds that whatever the "this" is for us, that we would fully embrace it because we know that by going through "this" we will have more of Jesus?  

More of His grace and mercy and joy and hope for a future with Him...

I need more of Him.  I've learned very deeply and quite clearly that I need more of Him now than any other time in my life.  

And I've learned that "this" is just the very beginning of truly needing Him.  For what lies ahead of us after this time of training and preparation will be filled with even more hardship and sleepless nights as Brad preaches and leads his congregation and is filled with sorrow for the lost and withstands criticism and hurts by those close to him.  

Because "this" is where God is leading us. 

And I don't want to waste "this". 

Did I truly want or completely embrace this change for me and my family a year ago?  No.  Would I change anything?  Not one, little, seemingly insignificant detail.

For "this" is exactly where I fully desire to be.