Forgiveness

In August of 2002, Brad and I left a church in Wisconsin where he had been serving as youth pastor for almost four years. It was a very hard and painful situation, but we felt Brad could no longer serve in a church in which he and the senior pastor had such different philosophies of ministry and struggled with respecting one another. Even though we believe to this day that it was the healthiest decision (for us, the senior pastor, and the church) to leave, it was one of the toughest decisions we have made in our almost 8 years of marriage.

In the years that have followed, we have worked through many issues such as healing, forgiveness, and bitterness. We attended a wonderful church right after our move that brought a lot of healing and laughter back into our lives. And now Brad is doing what he loves...working with students with like-minded people in a very healthy church. He is surrounded by men and women with very similar philosophies of ministry, who have been great supporters, encouragers, and mentors to him. We could not be happier with where God has placed us.

In the last week, though, we have learned of some very hard times at our former church. Some situations have arisen which may ultimately cost the senior pastor his position. In the few details that were shared with Brad, one of them was that Brad should feel very vindicated by what has been brought to light.

A few years ago, I would have said, “Absolutely! It serves the senior pastor right for all the pain he put us through!”

But today, all I can think of is the pain that he and his family must be going through. How will he be able to leave a church he has pastored for 20 years? How will this affect his wife and 8 children…5 of which are still at home? How will this affect him emotionally and physically? How can he leave an 8,000 member community of which he knows and loves?

No, I’m realizing that the #1 person who really needed to change and really needed healing was me. I was the one holding onto bitterness…holding it against him that he forced us away from our students and from a teaching position that I loved. I was harboring ill will against him for causing us so much pain and heartache. While he was not innocent in what he did and said, I also was as guilty for “hating” him for what he had done to us.

God does have perfect timing though. Just this past week, my BSF lesson focused on Romans 12:9-21. In this passage, Paul gives 26 commands on how to love God, God’s family, and your enemies. One of the questions asked in my lesson was, “Think of a personal enemy…” I stared at that question for quite a while until I thought of our former senior pastor. But in the midst of writing his name down, I was overcome with such a sense of compassion that it immediately caused me to stop everything I was doing and pray for him, his family, and our former church. He is no longer an enemy of mine. His sins, just like mine, where paid for by Christ on the cross. Even if this situation had not come up, I do not need to wish harm on or to avenge the situation any longer.
I thought this happening would give me such a sense of relief and justification. But it hasn’t. It’s only brought my past sins to light and forced me to deal with them. It’s also given me compassion and empathy I didn’t know I had.

Forgiveness is powerful. It is not natural or easy. It is something done in the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit.

And it is something that I’ve needed to give for a long time.