Family traditions

Even though Brad and I have been married almost 10 years, we have YET to instill many family traditions that are just our own. We still spend most of the holidays with extended family and still continue to do many of the things that our parents did with us growing up. And since we are seldom at home alone on holidays, we haven't really had many opportunities to plan and carry out our own traditions.

But little by little, we have started some fun little traditions that we hope to continue in future years.

Since Sammy has gotten older, we've been able to do more with her. And while I still have a few ideas to do next Christmas with her (like a daily Advent calendar), we've begun with a few, small things.

First, Sammy helped me cook for Thanksgiving. She helped me make the stuffing and the sweet potatoes. She LOVES to help me stir and put ingredients into a bowl. This has been a little hard for me (since I'm a control freak and want things to be a certain way), but I have so enjoyed seeing her joy as she's helped me in the kitchen. She and I both wore our aprons and made a fabulous Thanksgiving meal.


Next, on the day after Thanksgiving, we let her stay up late to help us decorate the tree. She had such a good time telling us where to put the ornaments and helping Brad untangle the lights.


She even put the angel at the top of the tree. I think that was her favorite part!


For Christmas, we give our children three small presents (like the three gifts of the Magi)...we stole this idea from some friends. One is a practical present (like new socks or underwear). One is a fun present (like a toy or game). And the third present is spiritual. This year we bought Sammy and Caleb a play (and plastic) nativity scene. Sammy absolutely LOVED it. Starting December 1, every night before bed, one of us read the Christmas story and Sammy would act it out with the little pieces. (Caleb would join us for it sometimes, but he usually stole Baby Jesus and hid him from Sammy...which drove Sammy crazy because every piece had a special place.) I loved doing this every evening, and by Christmas, she had much of it memorized and would say on cue "do not be afraid, do not be afraid" and "glory to God in the highest!"


And finally, last Christmas in NC, Sammy and her cousin Kaitlyn made a gingerbread house. Sammy enjoyed doing it so much (and talked about it for months) that I brought one to ND for her to do with her other cousins. We let the kids stay up late and let them decorate it to their heart's content. I know this is something we will do every year.


My prayer for my children is that they would know the TRUE meaning of CHRISTmas, and remember fond memories of Christmas time in our home. I want the focus to be on others and on what Christ did for us when He came to this earth as a child, and NOT on the number of presents under the tree. And as they grow, I hope to add more family traditions that will fill their minds and hearts with Christ's love for them.

My little guy

I, again, find myself with very little free time in which to sit down and collect my thoughts. But as I looked over my past few posts, I see that Caleb looks like he's been overlooked by Mommy. But that certainly hasn't been the case.


Caleb is 17 months and growing like crazy. I think he might actually catch his older sister in both weight and height. He LOVES to get into all sorts of trouble, but he is devoted to his big sister. He is playing more and more alongside Sammy, and is her constant tag along. (And she is usually very kind and gracious to him...even when he steals her toys!) When she and I were sick a few weeks ago, he didn't know what to do! He kept trying to pull Sammy off the couch and convince her to play with him.


He is a goof-ball and full of personality. He seems to always find himself in precarious positions, and I find myself on the brink of one too many heart attacks. (oh and notice the difference a haircut can make!)


He has an amazing smile, and a curious personality. He has no fear, quite like his sister, and has already had 2 x-rays in his young life. (I fear that his future is full of runs to the emergency room!) He is also a sensitive little guy, and immediately knows when I discipline him in anger rather than love. His tears remind me to be consistent and loving in my guidance and training.


He is amazing at taking things apart, and I hope someday he can use it for a career since he's had so much practice at it! He loves cars, trucks, and especially trains. One of our neighbors had a house remodeling project this summer, and we spent every day there watching the workers, the truck pour cement, and the bobcat move around dirt. Hours and hours of free entertainment, and Caleb never wanted to go home.

He is such a blessing in my life! And even though some days I long for him to sit and read quietly for hours like his sister did when she was his age, I am so happy for his curious spirit and never ending energy...and my God given responsibility to be the mother of a son.

Falling into fall

A few weeks ago, when we couldn't ignore the piling of leaves any longer, we attempted to rake the yard. Instead of Brad doing all the work, I dressed up the kids for some good o'l family fun. Armed with rakes, a blue tarp, and a lawnmower with a bag, we headed outside. But by the time the sun set, only half of our yard was done. (I really should have learned by now that anything we do takes twice or three times as long with children.)

But while Brad's goal was to get the lawn raked and mowed, I also wanted to take some pictures of the kids.


And just like we had two different ideas, so did the kids!


Sammy really wanted to run through the leaves again and again and again. (And also sit in the leaves WHILE we were trying to rake them onto the tarp.)


And Caleb wanted NOTHING to do with raking. He did want to run after every car and truck that drove up our street.


Eventually the yard did get raked. We got some super cute pictures of Sammy. And after many tears, we decided that leaves are just not Caleb's thing!

A few days later we went to the Great Pumpkin Festival that was held in town. While it ended up being not exactly what we thought (there weren't a TON of things to do for kids our age), Sammy did get to compete in a pumpkin rolling contest.


As I cheered for her and took pictures, I just was SOOOOOO proud of her! She is such a little girl, but there's nothing she won't try to do or overcome. And even though she didn't win (or even come close) I was so pleased with her energetic and fun spirit. She persevered even though she fell over three times. (It was a pretty BIG pumpkin!) She never gave up until she got all the way to me. She finished the race, despite watching every other child finish before her. No, winning is not everything. But working at something with all your heart and not giving up is something far greater than winning every race. And Brad and I couldn't be any prouder of our little girl!

A time to remember...

I have SOOO much I want to blog about, but SOOO little time to do it! But just a few minutes ago, I tore myself from my studying (well it actually wasn't that hard to stop writing my book reflection), and thought about this exact moment--10:30 p.m.--3 years ago.

Brad and I were just finishing watching "Hitch" when my water broke.

From that moment on, my life has changed forever.


Samantha Grace Aust entered the world on Saturday, October 22, 2005 at 7:04 a.m. after 8 1/2 hours of labor. It was the hardest night of my life, but also the most wonderful and fulfilling. And I just can't believe how fast the last three years have gone. And before I know it, she will be in school and playing soccer (if her daddy has anything to do with it) and going to youth group and graduating from high school. Some times the days are SOOOO long being a mother of preschoolers, but I've learned that the years do fly by.


Sammy constantly surprises me every day. I don't know whether she's learning more about life and God and the beauty of this world or I'm learning more how to be a better mother. There are days when we both fall short and sin and disobey, but I'm thankful that I have her to be my mirror (Mommy, that was not very kind to yell at me) and my precious child from God (Mommy, I love you and you can share my blanket with me). What a gift and what a great responsibility.


I love you Sammy. I love your fearless attitude. I love watching you pray with your dolls. I love when you choose to be kind and loving towards your brother. I love hearing you thank God for the little things...like the lobsters at Walmart. I love watching you try new things. I love hearing you sing (real songs and made up ones). And I love being your Mommy. There is not other place I'd rather be than with you each day looking at the world through your eyes and teaching you about the character and great love of God.

You are a blessing!

She's all grown up!

One of my biggest concerns and causes of anxiety in my life the last 5-6 months has been potty-training. I had been dreading it, avoiding it, feeling badly about NOT beginning it, and hopelessly unsuccessful when I did try it. It was something someone was ALWAYS asking me about, "so, is Sammy potty-trained yet?" and "when do you think you'll start potty-training her...she is almost 3." I really wanted to do it and felt like she was ready, but I just wasn't ready to do it.

I did have some really good excuses. Sammy had a nervous and mental breakdown when we tried potty-training her this past spring. She cried and cried and stayed on the toilet ALL DAY, even during nap time, because she didn't want to have an accident and get the floor messy. That experience scarred all of us. Then there were missions trips and camps and company for 2 weeks and our Colorado vacation and...you get the picture.


Finally, about a week and a half ago, I decided this was it! I was done with just "kinda" potty training. I was done with trying to train her while she was still in diapers. I was committed to doing it! I was going to put EVERYTHING on hold (grad school, laundry, playing with Caleb, leaving the house) to focus on training her. And, I was taking away the diapers FOR GOOD! So Brad and I decided to let her run around the house (only on the wood floors, of course) in only a shirt and socks. She had one major accident and really didn't like it. After that one time, she has only had one other accident! This has included going pee-pee AND poopy and using the toilet in the nursery, MOPS, other people's homes, and during nap time and night time! We do still put her in a pull-up at night, but at least every other night she wakes me up in the middle of the night to go potty.


I have just been SOARING the last week as I've watched her become more independent and successful with each passing day. I'd like to take some credit for her very quick success, but it really has been ALL Sammy. Sure, Brad and I were there to cheer for her and give her hugs (and M&M's), but she was simply ready to set the diapers aside. She really does seem all grown up!

served with a slice of fear, worry, and embarrassment...

Today, Sammy locked me out of the house...with no key, cell phone, or means to get back into the house. And it wasn't even 12:30 yet...

We were just finishing lunch when Sammy saw our neighbors, Dave and Beatrice outside on a walk. Sammy is rather fond of them, so we quickly cleaned up, put our shoes on and headed outside. After a few minutes of chatting, I told Sammy we had to go back inside. As Caleb and I were saying goodbye, Sammy went into the garage, closed the door and locked the deadbolt. I didn't fully realize what she had done for a minute or two, and then I started trying to get her to unlock the door. By that time she thought it was a game, and she ran inside the house and looked out the window at us. Then I convinced her to go back out to the garage and try to open the door. After a few tries, she started crying and asked me to open the door. By that time, I knew she was too upset to get the door unlocked. Dave called Brad at church on his cell, and I convinced Sammy (through the window) to sit on a dining room chair and sing songs with me until Brad got home. I think it was one of the longest 12 minutes of my life.

Brad finally arrived to the rescue, and after saying good bye and thank you to my neighbors, putting Caleb down for a much overdue nap, and getting a big hug from Brad, it was time to train Sammy about doors and locks. Sammy had never, ever touched any of our locks, so I was surprised she had done it. But she is a very curious almost 3 year old, and there's a first time for everything. (Needless to say, the first thing Brad and I did...after rescuing Sammy from the house...was hide a key outside.) Then there were more hugs, kisses, and cuddle time with Bubba and blanket, and finally nap time.

I can't begin to tell about the variety of emotions I felt in that short 20 minute span of time. At first it didn't phase me, and we were all a bit amused. Then I was frustrated, a bit angry, and then worried, panicked, and gripped with fear when Sammy began crying and then when I couldn't see her through the windows in either the garage or house, I really wanted to break a window or scream for her, but I knew I had to keep calm.

And as I sit here, I feel pretty rotten. Oh, I'm not consumed with worry about if she (or Caleb) will do it again. I'm not even worrying about all the danger she was in by being alone in our house and not having my protection. No, I'm feeling rotten because I feel like a failure again as a mother...to Brad, my neighbors, Brad's co-workers, etc. Why do I always seem to struggle with this? Why can't I stop listening to the lies of the enemy? Why can't I focus on the really great things I do as a mom, and let go of the mistakes I make along the way?

Maybe it's because I want control. Maybe it's because I want to be liked and well thought of. Maybe it's because I'm self-conscious about being a mom. Maybe it's all three. I don't know.

But what I know for sure is that there is GRACE and LOVE and that I don't always have to be perfect. I'm sure my kids will someday do something that will far surpass today's events. And I will (and Brad and Sammy) will learn from today's events, and will be better because of it. And tomorrow, I may be able to laugh about it.

But I am who I am. I have my share of struggles in parenting, and I am quite aware of the things I need to change in myself. But I can't let the things that are sometimes out of my control...like locked doors or unsuccessful days of potty training or the toys that seem to mess themselves up...get me down. I need to focus on what I can change, and let the rest go.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Prov. 3:5-6

Out with the old...

Throughout this year Brad and I have been purging some old and very outdated things and adding some new items to our home and lives. Brad and I are not big spenders, but we've been budgeting gradually for a couple of items. The first to go was the couch!
We've had this couch in our lives since the fall of 1996. That's right folks, for over 12 years! It was in Brad's college apartment for 2 years, in my apartment for another, and in our home (as a married couple) for 9 years! It was the ugliest couch, but really, really comfortable...that's probably because once you sat down, you could never get up. Our youth group students were pretty sad to see it go, but it eventually made its way to the basement of one of our students. So if we (or Tika or Bobbi) miss it, we can still visit it!
We weren't sure what kind of couch we wanted, but after finding this one at Ashley Furniture for 45% off, we bought it. And it was our VERY FIRST major furniture buy of our marriage. That sounds really sad, but we have been blessed with so much that we really haven't needed to make any big purchases. And we had NO CLUE how expensive furniture could be! But God is good and has always provided all we need...and we REALLY love it!

The next thing to go was our comforter and bedding. (Sorry, I don't have any pictures of the previous bedspread.) The ladies in our first church hand-made a really pretty quilted comforter for us, and I really treasured it. But after 9 years of washing and use, it was getting pretty faded and worn out. So after many months of shopping, we found this GREAT bedding set for 70% off! Yahoo! We added a mirror, picture frames, and some candles, and it was a brand new room.
And the last thing *sniff, sniff* to go was our beloved Isaac. This is the 2nd Honda Accord that we've said good-bye to in our marriage. He was a GREAT car. We were really sad to see him go, but we really needed a van.

So we upgraded from a 90 Accord to a 97 Honda Odyssey...who is affectionately named Homer. I cannot tell you how much I LOVE my mini-van! I love running errands with him and having the extra space! And even though he's an older model, he fit our budget and our need.

But recently, sometimes in the very same breath, I am both praising God for His goodness and wonderful provisions, and am frustrated and complaining with what I've got. Recently another friend bought an Odyssey, and I was SO EXCITED for her because I have loved ours. But a few days later, I began to think how nice it would have been to have a newer model or one with fewer miles. I could feel myself become unsatisfied with what I had. And the discontentment bug began buzzing around my ear like a pesky mosquito.

And in my Sabbath Rest time this week, I was reminded that our attitude is a lot about perspective, and I realized that I had lost mine. I let my eyes wander to another person's stuff and began to be envious. I also forgot about those who have far less than me. And after some confessing, gratitude wells up again in me, and I am at peace again.

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33

A second honeymoon

For the first time in almost 3 years, Brad and I spent 6 glorious days and nights together WITH NO CHILDREN! We have done a couple of 1 or 2 nights away, but nothing this long or this far from our children. And I have to say they were the most wonderful 6 days of the entire year.

I love my children. I sacrifice so much of who I am and what I want for their good, their learning and growing, and their spiritual, mental and emotional development. And I just really like being with them, playing dress-up with Sammy, running to stop Caleb from playing in the toilet for the 10th time that day, and just being their mom. Most days, though, I find myself being 90% mom and about 10% wife. And with them being so young, that will continue to be a daily battle. But for 6 days, I was 100% wife, and it felt really good.


After spending a day and 1/2 with my parents, we left Bismarck and headed to Colorado. We decided to take the 14 miles scenic highway near Spearfish, SD, and it was definitely worth the drive.


Then we had a short stop in Windsor, CO with the Tomans, and then it was off to the MOUNTAINS!!! We arrived at Estes Park (the east entrance of Rocky Mountain National Park) by 8:00 a.m. (Brad woke up at 5:30 that morning at the Tomans and wanted to get up and leave right away...and I was like, "We have no children, and we're on vacation!!! Why are we getting up at 5:30!!!" "To see the mountains," was my husband's reply. A very sleepy Tina was also pretty surprised by our early departure as well.

That first day, we must have hiked 12-15 miles...most uphill several hundred feet. We started at Bear Lake and hiked to Dream Lake, Nymth Lake, and finally Emerald Lake. It took us almost 4 hours to hike up to those lakes, but definitely worth it. The above picture was from Dream Lake.


Our next stop was Alberta Falls. Again, a beautiful hike to some beautiful waterfalls...which happen to be my favorite thing to see in the mountains.


After that, we took a shuttle back up to Bear Lake, and (after getting some AWESOME advice) hiked down to Bierstadt Lake. This was one of Brad's favorite stops.


Even though I tried hard not to think about the kids, it was hard not to think about coming back with them some day. There really were quite a lot of hikes we could have done with them. Sprague Lake was a level hike that our stroller could have easily done. This lake we came back to at least 2 different times.


There really is something about mountains. Almost every vacation we have taken in our 9 years of marriage has been to either a state or national park. And even though I would love to go to the ocean or to Hawaii or on a cruise someday, there is something about God's incredible and majestic mountains that I just never get tired of.


Didn't this elk pose nicely for us?


This final picture was a Lake Irene. It was nestled behind some hills, and it was very early in the morning when we arrived there. The reflection was really amazing.

Colorado buddies

One of the main reasons why Brad and I chose Rocky Mountain National Park as our vacation get-away was because of our dear friends, the Tomans. We didn't meet Bret and Tina until we had lived in Brainerd for over a year...and that still makes me cry over all the games that could have been! *sniff, sniff* Anyway, they moved last November to Windsor, CO, and as we loaded boxes into their moving truck last fall, we talked of visiting them the following summer.

And that's exactly what we did. We spent a full day and two nights with them before entering the park and another partial day and night before we headed home. We had a GREAT time and were able to get a few games in...

...just look at Brad's sinister smile...

...get to know their latest addition, little Luke...
...that expression came right after his mama made a good move!

...show them our favorite website, games.asobrain.com...

...we're SO SILLY! Instead of playing a REAL Settlers of Catan game, we all jumped on a computer...Bret ended up downstairs on their PC...and played some games on-line. We know, we know...we are gaming freaks!


We had such an amazing and relaxing time! Even though we hadn't seen them for over 8 months, it felt like no time or distance had passed. And I think that's the sign of authentic friendship. Years and miles have no affect on the special bond of true friends.

So, THANK YOU Bret and Tina for a fabulous time...and someday maybe we'll come join you in Colorado!

Yearning for heaven

As I was going to bed last night, I was thinking that life was really hard and that I wish it wasn't so hard at times. Now it's not that I was depressed or sad or anything like that. It was just a complete realization that life is HARD! (As if this should be new to me or something!)

Yesterday was a good day, but a hard one. My MOPS group has play dates during the summer, and we were to meet at a beach/park area yesterday. Some weeks there are more moms than others, but there are usually between 5-8 moms that show up. I loaded up the kiddos and all their stuff (beach toys, towels, snacks, swimsuits, water, sunscreen, etc.) and headed to the lake with a 1 year old (who cannot be unattended because he LOVES to eat sand) and a 2 1/2 year old (who immediately runs straight for the water). I was a little worried at first, but Sammy obeyed really well, and Caleb was content to float around in his baby floaty device. After about an hour, I realized that no one else was going to show up. I enjoyed the time with the kids, but I was hoping for some adult interaction. (Oh, and I forgot the camera so I got nothing for those of you who want to see adorable pics of the kids.)

So I packed them up and headed to church to have lunch with Brad. As soon as I got there and got our lunches out, Brad mentioned that he was invited to go to lunch with 2 other pastors. So I told him to go ahead, and I'd eat with the kids and then head home. I really didn't mind that he went out to lunch, but I had been hoping to spend a little time with him since he was going to be at church until around 9:30 that night.

After lunch and the ride home, it was time for naps. Caleb went down just fine, but Sammy tried EVERY excuse not to nap (and it really isn't very smart to try and reason with a 2 1/2 year old). So I didn't get anything (like laundry, grad school, etc.) done. Then around 5:00, I met up with some neighbors to walk to our nearby park for National Night Out. I was looking forward to having a free meal (yummy pulled pork sandwiches, chips, and baked beans) and walking with our neighbors. But feeding 2 small kids at a park where there TONS of FUN things to do was pretty difficult. We eventually (after a lot of swinging and sliding) got home around 7:30.

Then it was bath time. I really like having Brad home on bath nights because sometimes it gets a little tricky with both kids. Sammy is fine, but Caleb is a little stinker! He tries to climb all over the place and will not cooperate! So after a very wet bath (for all 3 of us) it was time for snacks, books, and bedtime. Surprising enough, both kids were in their rooms and quiet by 8:30.

It was a good day, but an exhausting one...but one that is pretty typical of my life right now. But as I was reflecting on the day, I realized that I really just want my life to be easy...to play with my "perfectly behaved" children...to have a date night with my husband EVERY week...to have a maid do all my laundry and dishes. Okay, so I'm dreaming, I know, but days like today make me really yearn for heaven. I love so many things about this world, but it's NOT our home and this was NOT what God had intended. And even though I would be so sad to leave my children or husband, I long for the day that Christ will call me home. To be in His presence without worry or anxiety or pain is exactly where I want to be.

So, as I live each day, with its joys and struggles, I will try to put things in perspective that this life will be hard, but the next will be far greatly than my wildest dreams.

4th of July fun

Last year Brad and I spent a wonderful 4th of July with a few close friends here in Brainerd. We grilled out at a friend's house, walked to the parade, headed back to our individual homes, and then met again for fireworks later that evening. I was very, very pregnant with Caleb, but despite the steamy weather, I remember having a fabulous day.

This year, I really wanted to do that same sort of thing. Our friends who hosted the get-together last year had recently moved but were visiting over the Fourth. So I decide to also plan Caleb's one year birthday party for that day as well. (Since we were going to be on vacation on his actual birthday...it's a good thing he's young enough not to care!)

So our day began with a parade in Crosby, a nearby town.


If you've ever been to Brainerd's parade, you know that over 100,000 other people are there as well. No joke. Our little Brainerd/Baxter area swells to unbelievable numbers over the Fourth. We had heard that Crosby's parade was shorter, more kid-friendly, and way fewer people. And they were right! Sammy had a great time with her friends gathering candy, and Caleb enjoyed it as well and was pretty tuckered out by the time we got home around lunchtime.


Then the rest of our friends joined us for supper around 6:00 or so. And, since our house is pretty small (especially for the 10 adults and 12 children), we utilized our deck. (For some reason our 14 by 24 foot deck didn't quite seem as big...)

We had a great time getting to know the two recent additions to our friends' families. Baby E.J. was just a couple of weeks old.


And Baby Alistair was a little over 3 months old.


After we ate, we headed inside to open presents and eat some cake and ice cream. My friend Melanie sent Caleb the book "Llama Llama, Mad at Mama" and that turned out to be a big hit for all the kids.


And who could resist a face like this! I added blue food coloring to the frosting, and Caleb had a WONDERFUL time eating it!


Then most of us headed to the fireworks (which Sammy LOVED and Caleb HATED!) and then finally headed to bed.

It was such a fun day that I just didn't want it to end. God has truly blessed us in more ways than I can count. He has provided all we need from food to shelter to friends to family to amazing fireworks. Our God is great indeed!

Precious, precious friends

I really think that I have some of the greatest friends in the world. I mean it. I don't even think that's an exaggeration. My friends have really been loving, helpful and a shining example to me over the last month.

When I picked up Brad's mom from the airport on June 10 (which was NOT something I had planned on doing), I decided (at the last minute) to go down to the Cities the night before and see some friends. Brad was gone anyways, and I really wasn't too excited about driving to the airport and back again (about 7 hours total) with two small children.


So Dacia let me crash at her house, and I got some much needed girl time while our kids played wonderfully together.


Dacia decided that we needed a picture of the two of us and not just cute pictures of our girls...since HOW many pictures do we have of US in our scrapbooks!


I was able to visit ReNae and Gianna (and little Dane) as well. It was very crazy and very fast, but those precious few minutes with friends were refreshing to my soul.


Then, about 2 1/2 weeks later, Brad and I (again, very last minute) drove down to go mini-van shopping. We asked Dacia if we could stay there, but that Olson hotel was already full, so Megan and Nic let us stay with them. And what a blessing!!! It was 4th Friday so I got to scrapbook with the girls while the boys put the kids to bed and played games at Nic's house. We had our own room, and the kids had their own space to sleep as well! But my friends' kindness didn't stop there! The next morning, Nic and Megan offered to watch our kids and take them to Lydia's birthday party so we could test drive vans.


We NEVER expected that, but what a blessing! It still took us almost 5 hours to drive all over the Cities and test drive vans, but our kids had a FANTASTIC time, and we drove back with a new mini-van...well new to us that is.


And Sammy STILL talks about Lydia's birthday party and swimming in the pool with Abbie and Mr. Andy holding her when she was cold. And even though I was sick shortly thereafter...as well as Brad, Lydia, and Lydia's grandma Irene, it was a wonderful weekend.

Sometimes I have felt disconnected and out of the loop because we live up here, and most of my college friends are down there, but I believe that no matter where any of us live or move to, God has made us friends and these friendships will not be easily broken.