Friends. How do you make new friends? How do you maintain current friendships, especially when you have small children and can barely get any time for yourself or your husband? What do you do when you feel the "cold shoulder" from someone you really want to be friends with? How do you not become jealous when others are having great friendships? Why does this feel so hard?
This past weekend, some good friends from the Cities came and visited. We had a great time playing games and hanging out while our children played together. Brad and Andy got to have a game day with some guys from our church, and Dacia and I got to hang out and go shopping for a few hours Saturday morning. It was an all-around great weekend! I felt refreshed and energized and loved.
But over the last couple of days, I've really began to question whether I have any genuine friends here in Brainerd. We've been SO BUSY that we haven't had any other couples over in months, and we haven't fully connected with our new Thursday night small group. Brad and I can't attend our Sunday school class, and even though we've gone to some events, we still sometimes feel like we're on the outside looking in. And I've been emailing a certain friend, desperately wanting to have our families have dinner together, but feel like I'm getting the cold shoulder from her. I also hear about other ladies from my BSF or MOPS groups that get together weekly with their girlfriends, and I so want that too!
Why is it SO HARD to make and maintain friendships? We've been here 3 1/2 years, and some days I feel like we're never going to find true friends.
Maybe it's just today. I have a TON of grad work to get done by Saturday. (I've SO procrastinated...and it's SO my own fault!) Besides Andy and Dacia, another friend, Andrea, was visiting just last night from the Cities as well. Maybe their visiting is just a sharp contrast with what I had in the Cities to what I just haven't felt yet here in Brainerd. Maybe I just feel stuck. Maybe I just need to have a pity party for myself, and then get refocused on the friends I DO have.
I just don't know. But I do hope I feel better tomorrow, because, right now, I'm feeling pretty lonely...
4 comments:
Tomorrow you may feel better, especially after you get your grad school stuff done, but I feel that way about my church friends sometimes, too. We have been a part of our Sunday School class for 8 years and I still feel like the outsider and the one that can't ever break in.
Know that even if you don't have your close friends around all the time, you do have them. I love ya, girl!
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement! And I do feel a little better today. Brad and I are trying to be proactive in making friends, but our evening schedule is so insane! I know that we do have friends here, but sometimes we do feel like we don't fully belong...
My dear friend... hugs to you. I know your pain well and wish you didn't have it. Glad you feel better today. Having a schedule like yours, with evenings busy, is challenging! But you're not doing anything wrong! You're involved and easy to talk to and are making yourself available. I know it's tiring to feel like the one doing all the inviting with others, but keep it up! You are a wonderful hostess and it sets a great example for others! Hugs to you and looking forward to seeing you this summer!!!
I feel that way too, and I live in the Cities and have some amazing friends from NWC nearby! I have struggled so much w/ deep lonliness over the past 2 years. I think it may have to do more with being in ministry and being a pastor's wife. People tend to be more cautious in reaching out because they assume you will leave them one day soon... I'm learning to be thankful for the deep seasons of friendship that God has already given me - like 4 amazing years with all my girls at NWC! You are not alone...
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