Embracing today

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:33-34

I've been thinking a lot about these verses lately.

I love these verses. I think they are so important that I've committed them to memory. I believe they are so fundamental to a person's life that I sign almost every students' graduation cards with their reference.

But, in the last month or so, I've had to make a choice.

Do I believe, really believe these words? Do I live like these are words of life...words of truth? Does how I live tell those around me that I have applied these verses to my daily life?

Each morning, as of late, I've had to decide whether I was going to live my life holding tightly to these words or....not.

Brad and I had to let go of something that was more important to us than we thought. And, we had to align our emotions with God's truth. We've been doing some grieving and dealing with some disappointment and frustration.

We've had to rely fully on...put our entire weight upon...the Lord.

Fear, worry, and anxiety are crippling. They are nasty and destructive. They cloud judgement. They make things appear not as they truly are.

Bottom line: They are liars.

They lie about Who is in control. They lie about God's character. They lie about God's love and care for me.

And, at times in the last month, I've wondered about God's love and care for me.

I can honestly say...today and at this late hour...that I am confident that God is sovereign, and that He has something else wonderful planned.

But I'm learning that even though I fully BELIEVE in God's sovereignty, I'm still living parts of my days as if I don't. My mind drifts back to the hurt and disappointment I felt...and worries about what the future holds.

But God is so good. He's so good that He gave me these words in the midst of this struggle.

"Rather than trying to maintain control over your life, abandon yourself to My will..."

"I want you to embrace all that I am doing in your life, finding your security in Me alone."

-- both quotes are taken from Jesus Calling

So, that's what I'm trying to do. I'm giving up control...and any dreams or plans I may have had. And I'm embracing what God has for me THIS day.

No more being swallowed by hurt or frustration. No more thinking about the days or uncertainty ahead.

Simply living and embracing today.

So, I will enjoy every conversation with our students. I will be thankful for the opportunity to sit under great Biblical teaching at BSF. I will praise God for my play dates and Thursday nights at Starbucks. I will be grateful for all the little messes my wonderful children make.

None of us know what tomorrow holds. And none of us know how God will use our past hurts for our good and His glory.

But He knows. And that's all I need to know.