My little peanut

Brad and I took Sammy in for her one year appointment yesterday. She is, in my opinion, the bravest little girl! She took her two immunization shots and flu shot like a trooper! By the time we got her dressed and ready to go, there were no more tears, and she was all smiles.

But there has been one thing that has been a bit of a concern for me. My daughter is a very little girl. She's a peanut! When Sammy was weighted and measured, she ended up falling into the 5th percentile for both. That means that 95% of children her age are taller and weigh more than she does! Sammy weighted in at 17 lbs, 6 oz. Now that seems just fine to me...until I realized that one of Sammy's little friends, Miriam, (who is only 6 months old) weights around 18 lbs! Sammy's doctor assured us that it's okay that she's so little. She's healthy and doing exactly what she should be developmentally, and is a very content and happy little girl. She's very active, and may catch up with the rest of the children her age in the next couple of months.

I am really okay with Sammy being small. Brad and I are pretty small people anyway, so it shouldn't surprise me. But what sometimes eats at me are the lies I hear in my head. Lies like, "You must not be feeding her enough," or "There must be something you're doing wrong," or "This is this going to affect her when she gets older...she's going to get teased because of her size."

I love being a mother, but sometimes I think that being a teacher was so much easier.

I loved being a teacher. I was a really good teacher, and I totally knew what I was doing in the classroom. I had been trained at a great college, and had learned from other great teachers. But mothering? I didn't have to get a four year degree for that. I didn't have to go through a long interview with a school district. I didn't need a license to become one. And I only took 10 hours of classes at my local hospital before I became one. No, I was way better trained to be a teacher than a mother.

I think every mother is unsure of herself. We think, "am I doing this right?" We always have self-doubt, and sometimes lack the confidence to live each day with a baby. We listen to what other people say we SHOULD be doing with our child, and then we beat ourselves up that other moms seem to be doing things so much better than we are.

But today I am not going to listen to those lies. Today I'm going to have confidence in myself as a mother. I know my daughter far better than any other person on this planet, and I daily do what I think is best for her. It's okay that she's not as big as her younger cousin Kaitlyn or that she's still wearing some 3-6 month clothes. It's not a competition or a race. God has created her just as she is, and in His eyes (and mine), she is perfect.