I love Sammy's morning nap time. I know that she may soon stop taking a morning nap, but for now I really bask in it. And I love the quiet of my house. The dryer is lightly humming in the background, a fire is (FINALLY--it was me against the fire this morning, and I eventually won) roaring in my fireplace, and I'm fully dressed for the day (thanks Gianna...I love flylady.net!). Almost all the leaves have fallen and there's a chilly nip in the outside air.
But how often I wake up, not wanting to get out of bed, to stay in my pajamas until the afternoon, and waste away Sammy's naps by playing spider solitaire or cruising the web? I complain to others and even tell myself that my days are so boring, so repetitive, so lonely. But in reality they are such a gift...a gift I may never fully grasp until my children are older and I'm teaching full time again. I have time (almost) every day to connect with God, email friends, and play with my daughter...and what a joy that is! So then, when that realization hits me (and it hits me often), I feel SO GUILTY about my bad attitude and lack of motivation. There are so many mothers who wish for a life like mine. And then I am struck with DISAPPOINTMENT....God's disappointment in me, my husband's disappointment with me, and my own disappointment with myself. And then I don't feel like getting out of bed....and so the cycle continues. Am I the only one who goes through this?
But today, I am putting all my priorities in the right place. Get up, care for Sammy, get dressed, spend time with God, play on the internet....just a little, and then get plugging away at my list of things to do. It's Sammy's 1st birthday on Sunday, and I'm tired of always living in the past (teaching full time, living in the Cities, etc.) or dreaming about the future (getting pregnant, getting my master's degree, teaching again, etc.). A whole year has gone by, and what do I have to show for it? No, today I will "seize the day," and I hope you will too.
3 comments:
it takes a lot to recognize our tendencies and then to confess them! you don't have to, but when you do, you understand why God wants us to confess our sins to each other. Way to go, my friend!
I'm really glad you aren't sick!
Thanks for the idea for a blog Gianna! It is a ton of fun and very little work. And I've realized that sometimes it is far easier to say things on paper than aloud to people. (And I'm glad you didn't get sick either....though it sounded like Rachel did!)
It's very easy to become a hermit and focus on everything else but the here and now. Even though I'm an extrovert by nature, being a stay at home mom in a (still relatively) new community can cause me to crawl under a rock and hide. But it's probably my own pride that hinders me from reaching out and being content with where I am. Thanks for your comment Sarah, and I hope we can continue chatting this way!
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