Apprehension

After many years of wanting and waiting, I am finally going to start my master's degree this fall. I looked at a lot of different options—like on-line programs, going to a school down in the Cities, and local programs—and I finally found one I liked and that friends and fellow teachers liked as well. I finished my application materials yesterday, and am going to send it in—hopefully today.

Now here's where the apprehension comes in. I've double-checked everything to be sent, re-read everything at least three times, and had Brad look through everything as well. But as I placed everything into the envelope this morning, a wave of doubt washed over me.

Am I really going to have time to do this? What if another youth pastor hasn't been hired and Brad is still running the youth program himself? I'm going to have a two year old and 2 month old when I start classes...what am I thinking? Oh, and where will the money come from?

While I am SO EXCITED about going to classes and writing papers and discussing education (and getting out of the house), I'm also a little scared. I've been out of teaching for almost two years, and I wonder whether it will "all come back to me." I may also be one of the only grad students who isn't currently in the classroom, and I fear that I will not glean all I can from the program because of it.

We’re all scared of taking risks or changing professions or moving across the country or going sky-diving. But that’s what makes life worth living. If we never tried anything new, we’d be very boring people who played it safe every day of our lives. And what would that teach our children…to never try anything because you could fail and THAT would be a bad thing?

There’s always a chance for failure, but failures cause us to grow in ways we never would. If nothing new was every attempted, we’d still be driving horse and buggies and writing letters by candlelight.

I think part of it is that I’m in a comfortable holding pattern here at home. Life’s good, why should I change it? Or, (what is truly the truth), I’m not in a rut yet, but I’m going to be heading there soon if I don’t do this now.

I don’t want to coast through life. I don’t want to simply play it safe day after day. I do long to try new things…even if they are hard. And I certainly want to teach Samantha (and her sibling) that taking risks are okay…the payoffs (and the possible failures) are totally worth it.