Soul searching

I realized today during my "Sabbath Rest" time, that even though I feel so incredibly blessed to have a wonderful husband, healthy kids, a great church family and great friends, a large part of me has been slowly dying this last year or so. I have been moving at such a fast pace, that who I am at my core feels like it's been crushed by my schedule and by the weight of unrealistic expectations (created by me, of course) of who I should be as a mom, a wife, a small group leader, a LSM coach, a teacher, a grad student, etc. And all the things I enjoy and get refueled by, I've pushed to the back burner. Aside from scrapbooking albums for my senior girls or for my mothers, I haven't done one page of scrapbooking for me. And my blog, well, I don't even think anyone even checks it anymore. And when was the last time I read a book that wasn't the Bible or wasn't required reading for school? Yes, no wonder I feel so tired and so overwhelmed!

So today, during my "Sabbath Rest", I put down my Bible and picked up a book from my MOPS group called The Mommy Diaries. I felt very guilty closing my Bible (and that guilt was NOT of the Holy Spirit but was self-inflicted), but I just needed some comfort from women who had lived in my shoes. And after 20 minutes of quiet reading, I was refreshed. I realized that I am the only one who can really guard ME from the world. It's not my friends' or my husband's job to make sure I get up in the morning to have quiet time with my Lord. It's not my family's or my kid's job to remind me to not overcommit. I must guard time each morning for my soul. I must protect who I am and the unique identity God has given me. I know that God has the power and strength to do this in my life, but I need to stop blaming everyone else for the mess that I'm in.

So, I'm going to stop being supermom and superwife and do the things I NEED to (like grad school for next weekend and clean the shower because it is FILTHY and blow bubbles with my kids), but all the extra stuff (like organizing the toys or spending 30 minutes or longer on Facebook or dusting my house as if the Queen of England is coming) is going to stop controlling my life.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."