Self-control

I spent a great deal of time last Friday during my Sabbath thinking and meditating on self-control.

Or, perhaps, better put...my lack of self-control.

It's been one of my biggest struggles lately. And it appears in almost every area of my life.

I have very little self-control...

in regards to my eating habits.

in getting to bed on time.

in getting out of bed in the morning.

in checking facebook.

in doing my work in my home before relaxing.

in not procrastinating.

in the disciplining of my children...especially doing it in anger.

in keeping my tongue in check.

As I read my Sabbath journal from the past several weeks (and months), I've realized I have spent many hours confessing sins that were related to my lack of self-control...and many hours putting together lists and plans for how I was going to structure my day so that I wouldn't need so much self-control...and many hours writing out Scripture passages having to do with self-control.

But, there's been something missing.

Something really big missing.

I haven't really asked for help from God to help overcome this area.

In my Titus 2 ministry this past year, we read an excellent book by Carolyn Mahaney called Feminine Appeal. In her book, she discusses in detail seven virtues of a Godly wife and mother. It is a great book...a must read for women of all ages. As I was re-reading her chapter on self-control, several things struck me.

First of all, I am human and I'm going to fail. But I don't have to remain in that defeated position. God requires that we exercise self-control...so therefore it is attainable. We can conquer this area in our lives. It does require much effort, but we must rely on the Holy Spirit to lead and convict us.

Bottom line...this cannot be done in our own strength.

Yup, pretty sure I've been trying to overcome this thing in my own power.

Charles Bridges said, "Have not repeated defeats taught us the need of calling in better strength than our own?"

It apparently takes some of us a bit longer than others to grasp this concept.

I have been caught in a crazy cycle. I try to muster and create self-control on my own. I take a deep breath, make a plan, try harder in my own power...only to find that I have failed again.

Why don't I believe the words of Christ in John 15:5? "Apart from me you can do nothing."

It's not about trying harder. It's about letting go of my sin and realizing I can't do it apart from Christ.

Self-control is HUGE in my life right now. It is my wall of defense against the enemy of my soul.

Proverbs 25:28 says, "A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls."

Self-control protects me and my heart from all sorts of attacks on my heart.

When I overeat, overreact to my children, put off work in my home, or any other area, I hear words of failure from the author of lies. And once those feelings of despair hit, it's even harder to muster up self-control on my own to change my ways. One caramel bar leads to 2 or 3. A few minutes on facebook leads to 15 or 30 minutes. Laundry remains in baskets throughout my house. I yell at my kids, then quickly apologize...but find myself getting frustrated even faster the next time.

I haven't had much protection in my life and my soul has not been well guarded.

So while the changes and plans I've written out will be a great help to me in organizing my day's work and prioritizing my daily activities, my plan will eventually fail unless I have God's strength in overcoming this great obstacle.

Tonight, I am heading to bed early so that I can get up early and spend some time with my God. And before I get out of bed, I will be praying for self-control and calling on His limitless power to help me in this area.

Because even though I like sin and I like sleep and I like eating and I like wasting time on facebook...

I love my God and His truth even more...