I have been meaning to write this.
For several months, it has been rolling around in my mind. As the rest of my family sleeps, it seems to be the right time to put it all down on paper.
It's been a journey, a really hard one at times. I think back to about 8 years ago when a mom of one of my students said to me...after I poured out my heart to her about longing for a ministry job for my husband..."Jenny, it's all about the journey and NOT about arriving at the next season of your life."
That statement has stuck with me and has allowed me to let go of a lot of things I otherwise wouldn't have.
It was a "crossroads" time for Brad and I...then and now.
I wish I could write about what God did at this exact time 7 years ago as He lead and confirmed our calling to Lakewood. I hope to someday. Brad and I have always meant to write it all out....as a testimony of God's incredible faithfulness and love. Our counselor last week assigned it as summer "homework" for us. Like any good student, I feel compelled now to actually finish it! Maybe it will even make its way to this blog...
But this post is about what God has been doing these last 2 years. We have had many friends and family who have walked these last 9 difficult months or so with us, but the truth is that we have seen God's hand at work not just over the last year or so, but distinctly for about 2 years.
Again, much of this has been rolling around in my head, so please bear with me.
I remember many conversation during the summer of 2009 when Brad began feeling like he was wanting to have more ownership in our youth ministry....that he was feeling like he wanted to lead more....that he had outgrown his "director" position. We didn't know what to do about these feelings. Should he begin looking for another ministry position where he could be the lead youth pastor? What was Lakewood's plan for the director position? Should Brad move on to provide an opportunity for another youth pastor to learn and grow as he had? What was this bit of restlessness? At that time, we didn't know, but we now look back and see it as God's grace as He began to prepare us for these last 2 years.
The fall of 2009 came and went and we didn't feel any direction from God to change anything about Brad's job. Then in December, Brad met with some of our pastors and church elders and was offered a "promotion" to associate junior high pastor. We spent a week or two praying and talking about this change in position and eagerly accepted it. Junior high students have always been my "natural bent." I taught 7-9th graders for 6 years, and I have always loved that age. This seemed like a very natural progression for Brad, and it seemed to answer those feelings of restlessness we had felt months before.
Then, this "promotion" was put on hold. Brad's change in position needed to go through the proper channels and there were some potential staff changes that needed to be resolved first. In February of 2010 we learned that Brad wasn't going to be taking over the junior high position, but instead was going to be the interim youth pastor...for the second time.
FYI: Brad had originally been hired under one youth pastor in 2004...worked with him for 2 years...was the interim youth pastor for about a year until a second youth pastor was hired in 2007...worked with him for 3 years and was now the interim for a second time.
Everyone with me so far?
Good!
*deep breath*
So, almost exactly a year ago Brad took over as the interim youth pastor. He spent last summer recruiting new volunteers, preparing for fall programming, processing potential changes to our Wednesday night youth group, doing some "damage control", and leading mission trips.
Oh, and we had just had our 3rd child.
It was quite a summer.
We knew that as the youth pastor search committee was being formed, that they were going to ask Brad if he was going to apply for the lead position. Brad had been asked 4 years earlier after the first youth pastor left the same question. He felt very strongly then that he shouldn't apply.
This time was different.
Because the summer was so busy for Brad...both with his new duties as lead youth pastor AND as a father of 3, we really didn't spend much time thinking about whether he was going to turn in his resume. It wasn't until he was given a deadline of August 31 that we began thinking and praying during our weekly Sabbaths about whether this was what God was leading us to do.
As I look back on my Sabbath journal from that time, I'm reminded that neither one of us had a clear calling from God that this was Brad's next job. We did not feel it was right NOT to apply, but we did NOT feel that it was the next job for Brad. Here's some of what I wrote from my August 20, 2010 Sabbath journal:
"Brad is capable and fully qualified to do this job. I feel like God has us here for this very reason. He will lead us...even though we don't fully hear Him right now specifically, He will not hide His Will from us. God has been preparing BOTH of us for such a transition. This seems to be a natural progression for Brad. But it's odd. I know for sure that Brad should apply, but I'm not sure this job or another one is right for him. I pray that the search committee with walk through this process with us so that God's Will will be done."
Also from that same day, some reading from Jesus Calling: "Do not give in to fear or worry, those ROBBERS of abundant life. Trust Me enough to face problems as they come, rather than trying to anticipate them... Fix your eyes on Me, the Author and Perfector of your faith, and many difficulties on the road ahead will vanish before you reach them..."
Little did we know that the next few weeks would be some of the hardest of our married life...but also that God had been preparing us for it as well.
From my Sabbath journal on August 27, 2010:
"I don't know what you have for us...but I am excited for it. We desire to go where you lead, despite my desire to stay here (Lakewood) because of what you have given us in this place. Continue to soften our hearts towards Your leading."
from later on that same day:
"I need protection...protection over my heart concerning what may happen with Brad's job...protection over hurts or fears or anxieties..."
and from a few paragraphs later that same day:
"Either I believe YOU are Sovereign or I don't! Today I choose to believe that You are! I will choose to live one day at a time. To enjoy this Sabbath...to rest in You...to not get ahead of myself..."
Brad did officially apply on August 28, 2010. He was told the following Monday that the search committee had decided not to pursue him further for the position.
to be continued...
No comments:
Post a Comment