I was going to blog about our GREAT date on Tuesday night…which happened to be a Murder Mystery Dinner Date with my MOPS group…and maybe I still will write about it. But today I’m struggling with balance, selfishness, motherhood, and marriage.
I love being a mother. But being a mother is SO different from every other job I’ve had. It has INCREDIBLE perks…watching your child learn something new, seeing the world through her eyes, knowing nobody can fix it except Mommy, sweet hugs and kisses, etc. But you never really have a vacation day or clock out from it. It’s a 24-7 job. There’s no monetary pay, and it’s the most exhausting job EVER.
But we all know that. The trick is trying to do this CRAZY job and to not let it damage your marriage or turn you into a bitter, selfish person.
This is where my struggle lies. I feel this week I have been asking a lot of Brad. I have caught myself saying things like, “Can you put her to bed tonight since you weren’t home last night and will be gone again tomorrow night.” I’m letting my bitterness creep into my speech and in the tone of my voice. I do appreciate ALL that Brad does, but where’s the balance? How much do I ask of him? Is he on “daddy duty” the minute he walks through the door at 6:00? How much should I watch, play, feed Sammy on Thursdays (his only sacred day off every week…and even last week it wasn’t ENTIRELY off) or ask him to do? Is it fair or right that I want to also enjoy the day and get some extra things done because he’s home? I do have MOPS every other week, and BSF every Thursday morning…shouldn’t that be enough to recharge me?
And now, the question of the day, is it right of me to ask him to take Sammy to a student’s basketball game (at 7:30) tonight (which we had planned to go as a family) so I can scrapbook with a friend…even though scrapbooking was last minute notice and I JUST had an all day scrapbooking day a few weeks ago? And even though I really am OKAY with not scrapbooking tonight, how do I get rid of this nagging feeling that Brad doesn’t want to take her to student’s activities because she’s too distracting or because he wants to enjoy the event himself. Hasn’t he ALWAYS said that he wants students to see him as a father and to do ministry with his family present?
I want to have a healthy balance, and I want Brad to spend quality time with Sammy…not just take her off my hands so I can make supper or do the dishes. I am grateful to have Brad home most mornings until 10:00, but then he’s only home around 5:30 or 6:00 about 5 nights a week…which only gives him about two hours with Sammy at night. So am I right in expecting more from Brad, or am I just being selfish and desiring to have a break…even though I KNEW life would be like this when I first got pregnant. Maybe I should just suck it up and give Brad a break since he’s bringing in ALL our income.
Where is the balance? I don’t know. But I do know that I don’t like this nagging, uneasy feeling, and I want to be the mother and wife and friend that God has called me to be.
But today, I’m just not very sure what that is.
3 comments:
Being a mom is hard! And there is so much guilt in it. You wouldn't think that with all the work we do, we would feel guilty about anything. But a lot of times that is what I am motivated by. Dr. Harvey Martin said that sometimes our feelings are wrong, but I say that still doesn't make them go away. Almost everyday I have those exact same feelings you are struggling with. So don't feel alone. Your honesty is very refreshing!
I've struggled with this before, but never as bad as this week. I don't want to nag Brad to do more, but I still am Sammy's primary caregiver and that role is EXHAUSTING! Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.
Balancing parental roles is usually very difficult for most couples where one of them is a stay at home parent. My advice...ask Brad what he wants. I know that sound simple, but he should be the one to determine how much time he spends with Sammy. Agree, ahead of time, which activities he feels comforitable taking her to with out you. Then utalize these times to take some time for yourself! Maybe initiate a Daddy/Daughter Date Night. No matter what you do, remember that "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..." You're a GREAT mom and you'll do fine!
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