Not Me, Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday.

It is time, once again, to confess all those crazy, silly, and downright funny things we have done in the past week! Our good virtual friend, MckMama leads us always in our endeavor. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have NOT been doing this week.

Confession is so good for the soul!

I do NOT allow Caleb to play dress-up with Sammy and then proceed to take many, many pictures of him. NOPE! And I certainly do NOT dream about using them someday!


I was NOT completely relieved when my small group cancelled our Beth Moore study last Thursday because I was not finished and didn't want to admit it.

I do NOT allow Sammy to make "snow" angels, "rock" angels, "grass" angels, or "sand" angels. NOPE, I would NEVER allow that because that would mean even more sand in her hair and clothes.


I do NOT think it is HYSTERICAL when my kids practice their "stretching" with Daddy. Nor do I take pictures of them doing this.


I did NOT leave 3 loads of laundry to fold, a kitchen counter full of dirty dishes, and a bunk bead to assemble ALL for my parents to do this past weekend when Brad and I were out of town for a conference. NO WAY would I be such a slacker and leave such a mess for my loving parents to finish.

NOR did I, as we were driving away from my house, delightedly think about eating SIX ENTIRE meals without children.

On Saturday morning, I did NOT feel bad about asking for snacks from a complete stranger we stayed with (don't worry...the couple we were staying with were relatives of another couple we were attending the conference with...so at least two members of our group knew them) because I knew that if I didn't have food to snack on I was going to be REALLY sick.

Even though we were running late, I was NOT going to leave the conference until locating a free onesie (somewhere in the bookstore) for our newest addition arriving in April. NOR am I completely giddy about having a onesie that says "Desiring God" (the name of the conference we attended).

And, I am NOT still in complete shock that the Vikings pulled off a victory yesterday!

Happy Monday everyone!

Tales from the Mommy Brain Chronicles

I am so pregnant.

I mean, you can't really tell I'm pregnant...at least, I hope not yet...but I am still so pregnant.

Let me explain.

Brad and I were in the Cities this past Sunday and Monday. Brad had a conference at our church headquarters, and I tagged along to hang out with my AMAZING friends, Dacia and Gianna.

As a side note, the three of us spent all day together at Dacia's with our 8 combined children...ALL 5 and under. Oh, and if you count the babies in me and Gianna, that's actually 10 total. It was chaotic at times, but very fun! Here's a picture of lunch for the kiddos.


And this was just 7 of them! Dacia's little guy was still down for his nap.

Doesn't it look like Gianna was the kids' waitress? She did do a lot, and Dacia did too. I just sorta sat around and looked like I was in a daze most of the time...thanks to morning sickness. Oh, and Gianna made one of MckMama's recipes called Summer Corn and Bean Salad. Seriously, after most of the children were napping, Gianna and I ate and ate and ate it for at least 2 hours. It was REALLY good, and Dacia ate a ton as well...but you could definitely tell who the pregnant ones were!

Anyway, back to my story...

So, as I was changing Caleb's diaper Tuesday morning, (we do cloth diapers and LOVE it...I should blog about my love for cloth diapers some time) I realized I only had about 5 or 6 left and I had not soaked the diapers the night before. We didn't get home until around 10:30 and all we wanted to do was sleep, so it completely slipped my mind to soak them in the washer. So, around 9:00 yesterday morning, I turned the water on in the washer, added some Borax, and closed the lid. I decided to let them soak most of the day, and then finish washing and drying them so I would have diapers for the evening and bedtime.

Around 5:00, I remembered that they were soaking and proceeded to turn my washer to the rinse cycle. I heard the washer finish, and went back to the laundry room to add soap and start the wash cycle.

I grabbed my laundry detergent, filled the measuring cup, and dumped it in...

...TO A COMPLETELY EMPTY WASHER MACHINE!!!!

I had sorta forgotten to actually ADD the diapers when I added the water and Borax that morning. So I had been thinking all stinking day long that they were soaking and then proceeded to rinse NOTHING out in my washer.

When I called Gianna to tell her my story, she laughed and said, "at least you have a really clean washer now!"

Yes Gianna, yes I do!

Reshifting priorities...again...

Over the last month or so, Brad and I have been praying and talking about what our fall schedule was going to look like. I have a tendency to over-commit, (yup, I know that's a BIG surprise to y'all) and this fall I did NOT want to get overly busy...especially with a new baby arriving in April.

About three weeks ago, I felt pretty confident (and peaceful) about what I felt God was leading me to do and participate in this fall. Brad and I took a couple things out of our schedule and adjusted about 1 or 2 more. I actually hand wrote it all out (for every day and every month until May--yup, I know, I'm crazy) and prayed over it and felt SO GOOD about it.

I felt the schedule was manageable, and that I wasn't over extending myself in any way.

But, today, I feel overwhelmed...

I don't think it's because the commitments I've chosen are not what I should be doing. Nor do I think it's because I have too many. A small part of it (and this is a very valid reason right now) is because I'm feeling so sick with morning sickness. I am sick pretty much the whole day, with short bursts of energy every few hours or so. But it comes in waves, and I never know when its going to force me to lie down for a couple of hours or go to bed at 7:30. I am exhausted all the time, and dealing with far more "symptoms" than I've had with my first two pregnancies.

So, I think that's a part of it.

But, I think the real problem lies with what I'm doing when I'm not feeling sick. And, how many things I am avoiding or choosing not to do...even though I KNOW I need to do them or my life will spin out of control.

I think my feelings of being overwhelmed are coming out of an insubordinate attitude, selfish spirit, and my own sin.

I KNOW what I need to be doing or saying or thinking...

...I'm just choosing not to.

Wow, that sounds really bad now that I've actually written it down.

But that's what it is. I'm already feeling my life is out of control, and I've only just begun my fall schedule.

During my Sabbath today, I came across this quote by Thoreau...

"Your priorities are what you do."

Yup, it doesn't matter if I've written down what my priorities are and look at them and admire them daily...my priorities are actually what I am doing with the minutes and hours in my days.

It's what I do...not what I want to do.

And I realized today my good intentions are getting me NO WHERE!

So, I can either change the way I live or get more honest about what I really value (paraphrased from the book Breathe).

What am I valuing...you may ask? Oh, this is where the confessing comes in!

Well...according to my use of time, I value...

facebook...
searching for stuff on-line...
reading other people's blogs...
making lists (but not really doing anything on the list)...
talking to friends on the phone or on-line...
going out of my way to help people or friends, even if it puts me in a bind...
adding other small commitments...that I haven't cleared with Brad...
organizing stuff...but not really organizing it...

What do I want to value?

spending time daily with God...
using my planner again...not just making random lists...
finalizing Sammy's pre-school/homeschool curriculum and start October 1...
preparing for another baby/organizing/painting/moving stuff...
breaking my BSF lessons/other Bible study into sizable chunks for me to do...
praying daily for my friends, family, and other needs...
getting the sleep, exercise and good nutrition I need right now...
finishing projects around the house...
enjoying every moment at home with my husband and children...


my adorable children, by the way!


I do not want my selfishness to get in the way of what God has called me to do as a servant of the Most High, wife, mother, Sunday School teacher, BSF and Bible study participant, friend, and any other role He calls me to. And I DO NOT want my insubordination to cause me to be less effective for His kingdom.

So, right at this moment, I am so grateful for grace. I am so grateful that His mercies are new every morning. I'm so grateful that God continues to give us second chances.

And I'm so grateful that God doesn't call me to be perfect, but faithful.

And also I'm grateful that it's NOT in my strength that I can do this, but only in His perfect and sufficient strength.

Not me, Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday.

It is time, once again, to confess all those crazy, silly, and downright funny things we have done in the past week! It's been awhile, but that only means I have more silliness to share. Our good virtual friend, MckMama leads us always in our endeavor. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have NOT been doing this week.

Confession is so good for the soul!

Wow, almost a month has gone by since my last "Not Me, Monday" post. This is going to be a LONG one folks!

It was certainly NOT ME who ran a 5K when I was terribly nauseous and sick with morning sickness. NOPE, it wasn't me who was more concerned about completing a race (my first one in over four years of which I had been training for over 3 months) than whether I would have to stop and vomit along the way.

By the way, I did complete the race--with my worst time ever--but I did have to stop once and walk about 10 paces and repeat in my head over and over again, "you are NOT going to throw up, you are NOT going to throw up" until the feeling passed.


Of course, it was NOT me who defied the weatherman's suggestions and drove to the Cities IN POURING RAIN just so that I could go to Como Zoo with a friend. Nope, and I didn't blog about it either!

I did NOT let my son "eat" bubbles during our annual church picnic because I was so tired of chasing him around the park, and I was grateful he was staying in at least one place!


I did NOT let both my children stay up until after 11:30 for our youth group's annual drive-in movie night. Nope, I ALWAYS have my children in bed by 8:30 and would never let them stay up that late!

Since I have been so nauseous, I have NOT asked Brad to change EVERY one of Caleb's messy diapers when he's at home. No, and I certainly do not even wait (some days) 10 to 15 minutes (because I know he's on his way home from work) even though Caleb is telling me he has a messy diaper! No way! That would be borderline child abuse!

I did not go crazy planning a scrapbooking retreat for some friends and stay up WAY TOO LATE two nights in a row and then CRASH and BURN the next two days because I was so sick and exhausted. Nope, I'm especially sensitive to my body right now and take extreme care of it.

I have NOT been feeding my children the same 3-4 meals (cereal, grilled cheese, peanut butter sandwiches, and mac-n-cheese) for the last four weeks because I can't stomach much of anything else.

And I especially DO NOT get really irritated (and say, "stop eating my food!") when Sammy and Caleb eat all my grapes when grapes are one of the only foods that taste good to me right now!

I do NOT thank God every day I'm feeling sick because then I know things are going well for the baby...and I am NOT counting down the days until, as my daughter puts it, "when Mommy (I) will be fun again."

I do NOT think my children are more entertaining than any movie or television show and do not laugh hysterically over and over again at silly pictures of them eating oreos.




Nope, NOT me!

Knocked between the eyes...

Our church is going to be kicking off our fall programming this week, so all the volunteers have been meeting a couple of times in the last week and doing training in preparation for this fall.

On Saturday, we had a speaker named Ron Frost who came and taught us about what it truly means to live out our church's missions statement--We exist to be transformed together by the Gospel of Christ, to live out the Great Commandment, and to fulfill the Great Commission--all for the glory of God.

We talked about and struggled with and looked at what Scripture has to say about how this happens in the lives of our children, youth, young adults, and adults in our church.

Although there were SO MANY things that I learned and walked away with from the morning, two things really stood out for me.

The first was from John 15. (I had just read this passage on Friday during my Sabbath Rest time, so it was REALLY fresh in my mind.)

4 "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

5 I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

6 If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned."

- John 15:4-6

This passage really hit me like a load of bricks.

I LOVE serving people. I LOVE working with our youth students. I LOVE meeting and connecting new moms. I LOVE mentoring girls. I LOVE doing things for God.

But, I wonder, if sometimes, my LOVE for doing things for God supersedes my LOVE for God and my desire to be connected to Him.

Ouch!

And I believe God has given me an ability to do A LOT of things at once and to do them fairly well. My mother in law is always telling me how "quick and fast and good" I am at doing a variety of things. I like being efficient, and I try to do everything with excellence. It's not a prideful thing, but simply how God has wired me.

But therein lies a very serious problem. A lot of times...too many times...I rest in my own strength to do those things.

Again...OUCH!

And, to make matters worse, I've done a terrible job being connected to the Vine... especially since I've been feeling so poorly due to morning sickness. I've found myself doing more "drive thru" devotions and prayer time than anything else. And, as John 15 reminded me, I can do NOTHING...

NADA...

ZERO...

ABSOLUTELY ZILCH for God when I'm not connected with Him.


And, if that wasn't enough to put me in my place, at the end of Ron Frost's teaching time, he had some time for questions and answers. A friend of mine asked, "What do you do when you just don't feel like doing devotions and praying? Do you just do it anyway until the feelings come or take a break until you feel God again?"

Good question...

Ron's answer, literally, knocked me between the eyes...

He said it wasn't a matter of whether we felt like it or not. Emotions and feelings had nothing to do with it. What it did have to do with was affection. Either your affection lies with seeking God and pursing and knowing Him more...or it lies with...

sleeping in...

being on facebook...

reading a fiction book...

playing a video game...

Something GREATER than God holds our affection. It's not a matter that "I don't feel like it." It's a matter of "I feel like doing this (fill in the blank) MORE right now than reading my Bible or praying."

Ouch! I'm getting a serious "headache" by this point.

How true! How simple! How completely convicting...

So now I've been quite aware of "where my affections lie." I've realized how much time I spend on facebook or reading other people's blogs or simply choosing to do something else (like laundry) that CAN WAIT until after I spend some time with my Savior.

If I expect (and desire) to be used to further God's kingdom, I NEED to be connected to the Vine daily, and I NEED to examine closely where my affections lie,


and I NEED to allow God to do some much needed pruning so that I can be more effective for Him.

An anniversary to remember...

This year, July 31st was not just another anniversary for us. Yes, it was our 10 year anniversary, but we also learned that we were expecting our third child!

With each of our children, I have told Brad a bit differently. With Sammy, we had been trying for over 6 months, and when I got my period month after month after month, it was really discouraging.

But on February 14, 2005, while I was busy teaching a bunch of 7th graders, I just KNEW I was pregnant. I drove home after school, took a test, and SCREAMED! Then I planned how I was going to tell Brad.

I drove quickly to his office at church and as soon as I got there, I put on my "academy award winning" performance, and told him I had taken another test...and that it was negative...again...and that I was so upset...again...

Then, after he comforted me, I handed him the test.

He looked at me. He looked at the test. He looked at me again. And looked at the test. And said:

"Wait, doesn't 2 lines mean we're pregnant?"

The look on his face was priceless!

We were ECSTATIC to finally be pregnant after almost 6 years of marriage! That night we celebrated by eating a heart shaped pizza from the Green Mill and by writing down potential names for our new baby.


When we were trying for Caleb, we decided to take the test together. Brad was leaving the very next morning for a weekend in Detroit to plan out a missions trip there the following summer. We knew that if I was pregnant, Caleb would be arriving smack dab in the middle of the trip. We decided that if I was pregnant, the other pastors and staff members needed to know so they wouldn't plan on him leading the 2 week trip.

Because...

I WAS not going to be a single mother of a newborn and a 21 month old for two weeks!

Good choice, right!


With this pregnancy, we had talked and prayed about it for months. We knew we wanted to wait to make any decisions about having another child until after I finished grad school last May. I had felt for MONTHS that our family was not yet complete and that I wanted to try for another baby. Brad wasn't convinced.

It always takes our husbands a bit longer to catch on sometimes, doesn't it!

So, each week during our Sabbath Rest time, I continued to pray about it and also prayed that God would make it clear to both of us what He wanted us to do.

Deciding whether to have more children (or any children for that matter) is a HUGE commitment...one that shouldn't be taken lightly. We had a lot to consider...the age differences between Sammy and Caleb and a new baby...what it would mean to go through the "baby phase" again...realizing that it would be even longer before I would return to the classroom full time...thinking about how much another baby would cost or even if we had the time and energy to pour into another child because of our life in full time ministry.

But God made it clear to both of us, to keep adding to our family and that HE would provide all we would need for this new child.

So, in the early morning hours of our anniversary, I got up and took a test.

(Again, I ALREADY knew I was pregnant before I took the test...we just know, don't we!)

I made a very quick card, and placed it by Brad's sink in the bathroom.

And sneaked back to bed.

When he woke up and went to the bathroom, this is what he found:


and...


It was a super fun way to tell him, and it made our anniversary date that evening even more special.

And, I think April 9th is a GREAT day to have a baby!

Lions and tigers and bears...oh my!

A couple of weeks ago, Brad and 44 other adults and students spent the day at Valley Fair. I, being a loving wife, decided to not hold a grudge or be bitter that I couldn't spend the day riding roller coasters and eating yummy cheese curds, but in turn decided to pack up the van and go to Como Zoo with a friend and her son. I was determined to have an adventure as well.

And, what an adventure we had!

You see, I decided to totally disregard what weather.com was telling me.

Showers likely until 1 p.m.

So what! I can handle a little drizzle...no sweat!

So Jemi and I left around 10:00 for the Cities, and after about 10 minutes of driving, we hit rain.

Not just light drizzle...full blown rain.

"Well, I'm sure it will get lighter as we get closer."

Seriously, who was I kidding?

The rain only got heavier, and as we pulled into the Como Zoo and Conservatory parking lot, (we got a GREAT parking spot, just in case you wanted to know...maybe that was because there were only about 20 other people there) it became an all-out downpour.

But God was gracious, and it was lunchtime, so we all ate our very tasty lunch in the van while the rain continued to come down.

And we waited for a clearing...

Yup, you guessed it. It never really happened.

So we bundled up the kiddos in their strollers and grabbed our umbrellas to make the most of our trip to the zoo.

If you've ever been to Como Zoo, it's all in a pretty close proximity and each little area has its own building. I was hoping that we wouldn't get too wet between each building.


As you see in the picture of Sammy, yeah, not so much.

But we were determined to make the most of it, and continued happily on our way.


Caleb did get quite a kick out of the monkeys.


And the penguins were a HUGE HIT! I really couldn't pry my kiddos from these guys.


"Just one more hug, Mommy!"


I'm thinking about getting my kids a penguin statue for Christmas.

We finally made it to the last building where the big cats were. Thankfully, the tigers and lions did put on a good show and played a bunch with their bouncy balls, and the kids watched them for quite a while. Here's a picture of Sammy with her little friend, Timothy.


But as we were getting ready to head out, we were told to stay in the building because there were reported tornadoes in the Cities.

Oh, bother!

We stayed a bit longer, and then were told we had to immediately leave that building...since there were LOTS of glass and windows, go figure...and go to the main building. Since we had yet to see the Conservatory, we decided to hunker down for a bit, give the kiddos a snack, and wait it out.

Because the tornado warning was only in effect for another 10-15 minutes.

Did I mention, they extended the warning at least FOUR MORE TIMES!

Good grief!

Finally, after about an hour, we were able to finish.

We spent another hour walking around and looking at all the green palms and beautiful roses and huge goldfish. The rain had finally stopped, and the kids were actually not that cranky.

Caleb and Sammy even took the time to stop and smell the flowers.




After one last sniff, we made our way back to the van. Which, by the way, was a BEAUTIFUL walk, since the sun was out and the rain had completely stopped.

Of, course!

We strapped into the van, gave the kids some make shift supper (since it was around 5:00 p.m.) and headed home.

Oh, did I mention we were in St. Paul, and had to drive across the Cities during rush hour!

Oh, help!

We did eventually make it home (after taking some great back roads to avoid the parking lot that was 694) by 7:45 and put the kids to bed.

So, who's up for a road trip?

Oh where, or where has Jenny been....

It's been about two weeks (actually exactly two weeks tomorrow) since I last blogged.

Life has been full and busy and busy and full... There is so much to share! A wonderful wedding of two former youth group students (of which Sammy was the BEAUTIFUL flower girl), a refreshing scrapbooking retreat for me and 9 other girlfriends, long nights painting the "newly married couple's" apartment, a youth group drive-in movie night, a crazy trip to Como Zoo (in the rain!), lots and lots of playdates, fresh summer produce from an organic farm share I'm in, and even a few naps.

Seriously, I'm not even sure where to begin.

While I have been going crazy not blogging, I think it's been good that I've had a break because God has been teaching me a lot of lessons about my priorities the last few weeks. The first being that I still struggle with being a "people pleaser."

"Hi, my name is Jenny, and I'm a people pleaser."

"Hi Jenny."

At times I think I've gotten a handle at "my condition," but then it rears its ugly head, and I'm struggling again.

Like during the last two weeks.

So not only has God, through my devotions and Sabbath Rest time, been challenging me and convicting me of "my condition," He's also spoken truth to me through good friends and my husband.

Don't you hate it when God speaks through your spouse!

About a week ago, as I was leaving for a weekly Bible study, Brad told me that the "craziness" (translated...my INSANE schedule) needed to stop because he was "getting the leftovers."

Ouch!

There is nothing worse than your husband telling you, bluntly...because that's the only way my husband usually talks...that you are giving more to others than to your husband and your children.

But that's exactly what I was doing.

I kept making excuses for why things weren't getting done around the house or why I didn't have any time for stuff Brad wanted to do...like (fill in the blank) "things will be better after this weekend" and or "once my 5K is done" or "Danny and Tika's wedding is over" or "once I get everything ready for the scrapbook retreat" or "after everything gets painted" and on and on and on...

My priorities were out of whack. I was putting other people above myself, my husband, and my kids. And it was taking its toll.

After Brad told me he was tired of "getting the leftovers," later that same night at Bible study, my two girlfriends told me they wanted to help and support me and do whatever they could (watch the kids so I could get things done around my house or go on a date with my husband or come over and help clean) but they would NOT help watch the kids or the like if I was "doing something for someone else." One of them had just watched my kids the previous day so I could paint someone else's apartment, and while she was willing to do that, she wanted my focus to be on what's most important...

my husband...
my children...
my home...
my responsibilities as a wife, mother, and homemaker...

NOT on

doing something special for someone else...if it meant I was not making proper meals for my family...

or

putting on "just one more video" for my kids so I can prepare food for my scrapbooking retreat...when I should be outside enjoying the last warm days of summer with my kids...

or

working like a crazy woman to "please other people" and ignoring my body and not sleeping or eating like I should...when I need to first take care of me so that I can care for others.

I was so convicted, and that's hard to take sometimes. But I was so thankful that I had people who could speak into my life and tell me things were out of whack.

So, I've been slowly getting things back under control. Brad and I have talked and prayed over our fall schedule, and both have peace about it. I have said "NO" to some things...very good things...but things that would overwhelm me right now. (Good job Jenny!) We have a weekly date night in place. My house is finally clean...seriously, my bathrooms were NASTY! I've been playing a lot with my kids. And I have been doing the best that I can at still ministering and loving on others...but not at the cost of my family.

People will just have to understand.

I still have a ton to do (and a LOT of great things to blog about), but I know I'll get to them when I can. Because...

summer will soon be gone...
my kids will soon grow up...
and I will have to stand before my Savior one day and give an account...

and while all that I was doing were "very good things," I don't want those "very good things" to be done at the cost of what Christ has first called me to...

to be His daughter, and to daily sit as His feet...
to be a wife, and to continually pour into my marriage...
to be a mother, and to train, love, direct, and teach my children...

the rest will wait, and I'm finally okay with that.