The "new" keeping up with the Jones'

Yet again, I've been suffering from a re-occurring condition... Yes, it is back...with a vengeance.

For awhile, I had it under control. All was right with the world. I was completely content. If I struggled at all, I sought council from God's Word. I do not allow little things to bother me. And if those little things start to bother me, I just let them roll off my back.

Then, out of nowhere, I'm struck again with this terrible disease...

What condition do I have, you may ask?

It's called the "comparison game" and this week, the particular virus has to do with my kids.

Some time ago, Brad and I got into a discussion with one of our pastors about how "keeping up with the Jones'" has changed from "stuff" (like boats and cars and houses and income) to "children" (like how many AP classes they are taking or how many sports they are in or whether they are on the A or B teams, etc). Brad and I even talked, in detail, how we did NOT want to be sucked into that game. We've discussed how we are going to protect our children and our home and our schedules from it.

The problem is, I haven't figured out how to protect it from me and my inner feelings.

I've been wanting to post some cute pictures of Sammy "doing school" at home with me, but I just haven't been able to because of how I've been feeling. (I do hope that by the end of this rant, I will be able to.)

Since October 1, I have been doing "school" activities with Sammy while Caleb naps. She was almost 4, and even though she wouldn't even be able to start "traditional" kindergarten for almost 2 more years, she was really done with taking naps (bummer for me) and was so ready for extra work and challenges.

I did some research, talked with some elementary school teacher friends and some home school moms, and started doing about 30 minutes of "school" with her. We've done a variety of things from learning games, learning the alphabet and numbers, cutting and gluing, puzzles, etc.

I've really enjoyed it...even though she and I have very similar personalities and we both can be quite stubborn and strong-willed at times...which has made some days quite challenging.

I have asked some of my good friends (who are homeschooling moms) questions about what they are doing with their 4 year olds, and have been quite content with what I'm doing with Sammy. (The comparison bug would stick out its ugly head from time to time, but quickly went away.)

I've talked excessively about it with Brad, and since Sammy has "play time" at the YMCA 3 mornings a week while I work out AND great Sunday School and Wednesday night classes at church AND a very structured and Biblically based Bible Study Fellowship class every Thursday morning AND another class every other Tuesday morning while I meet with my Titus 2 women's group, we agreed that I wasn't going to over-do it and add even more structure when she's learning a mess of songs and finger plays and Bible verses and whole lot of other stuff...like the pledge to the American flag and the Bible...pretty sure I didn't learn either one of those until I was a couple years older than Sammy...elsewhere.

Because, she really is only 4 and her main job is to play...which, by the way, she is doing right now in her room. I think her little care bears and my little ponies are on an adventure somewhere...and I think they are singing "Oh come all ye faithful" as they walk...or at least that's what it sounds like from here!

Yet with all of the discussion and prayer, I felt like a failure as a mom (and her teacher) again earlier this week. One little incident caused me to re-think what I was doing with her. I began to think she was behind and that I was holding her back and not doing enough with her. I decided that I had to do some more research and buy some curriculum to help her learn her letter sounds faster and get her reading. She was still struggling with a few letters and I felt I had to help her learn them quickly and RIGHT NOW!

I worked myself into a complete tizzy...over the smallest little thing...over comparing Sammy to another 4 year old.

Why must I keep repeating this pattern? Am I going to get over this before Sammy gets older and all the activities, school work, sports, swimming, dance, etc. really consume our time and lives?

Why can't I just let Sammy be Sammy?

So, today, I confess my sin.

I confess placing my eyes on those around me instead on the One who made me.

I confess trying to use Sammy and her accomplishments to make me feel better as a mother (and a teacher...since I do have that lovely masters degree now).

I confess trying to fit Sammy into a cute, little square box...when, as an educator, I know children develop differently and at different times.

I confess trying to make her grow up too soon...which is opposite of what I really want to happen.

And I confess my pride...and my self-righteousness. Just because another mom is teaching her 4 year old to read and another mom just plays Candy Land all day with her 4 year old SHOULD NOT make me feel better or worse about what I am doing with Sammy.

And, really, it is not about me. My feelings are not authoritative. They do not always equal TRUTH. And my feelings are either ruled by God's Word or by sin.

(My thanks to Carolyn Mahaney and her book Feminine Appeal for those last few thoughts.)

I realize today that I can't conquer this sin by myself, and I'm not meant to. The only power I have comes from God, His Word, and from being connected with Him.

So, I think I will post some of those fun pictures of Sammy because I am proud of her and her learning. This blog is about recording memories of my life, my marriage, my kids, my failures and my successes. I will not allow sin or certain feelings to paralyze me from doing just that.

Here, Sammy is cutting and gluing shapes in her "dollar store" workbook. LOVE those workbooks by the way!


She's concentrating hard, isn't she!


Learning to write her name.


Putting together puzzles...one of her favorite things to do after we're done doing school.