Almost ready...

It is exactly 1 week before my official due date. I still have a couple of things that NEED to get done (and a million other ones that I would like to get done), but my bag is packed and Baby Girl's room is (almost) done.

Well, done enough for now.

But, I've been feeling a little unmotivated lately...probably due to my rather large belly and my inability to move around much anymore...and even though I am still waiting for the "nesting" craze to fully set in, I've concluded today that I may miss it altogether this pregnancy.

Really, the most important things have been done. Baby Girl has clothes to wear, a place to sleep, and diapers to fill. My bag is packed, I've practiced my breathing, and Brad has reviewed his "coach" notes.

He is a GREAT coach, by the way!

And, whatever doesn't get done, I pray that God will give me the strength to finish it once she arrives OR the ability to fully let it go until another time...

...like a year down the road when I'm getting sleep again!

Here Sammy is helping Brad put the crib together. Currently, it is being used for her babies, but she said I could use it once her baby sister got here.

How thoughtful!


These are 2 views of Baby Girl's room. I still want to have a friend do some stenciling, but that will probably not get done in the next week.


I also have Sammy's bunnies on the shelves, but I'm hoping to place some pictures there soon. (I just couldn't handle the shelves sitting there with nothing on them!)


So, precious Baby Girl, we eagerly await your arrival and hope you will make your appearance soon!

A little soul searching

Last week during my Sabbath, I spent a great deal of time reflecting and examining my heart. Whenever the Holy Spirit takes you down that road, you know that it will be painful process...but well worth the work.

I was convicted in many, many ways, and could not deny some pretty ugly truths in my life right now.

I am an incredibly selfish person.

I currently enjoy my life. My kids are at an age where life is pretty easy. Sammy is able to do most things on her own. Caleb is well on his way to being toilet trained. They are both great sleepers and are never usually up before 7:30. We have some "obey the first time-every time obedient training" to do with both of them, but I'm realizing how easy it is with just 2 children. I am able to do what I want every day. Some days I do more "school" with Sammy than others. I have at least 1-2 hours every day to blog, email, and do my daily work around the house.

But when I have something unexpected happen, I get frustrated with how it forces me to adjust my day. Even though I have gotten better, I'm a pretty inflexible person. I place myself first some days as when I put in a 30 minute video for the kids so I can get caught up on my friends' blogs. I like my schedule and tend to be very "me" centered...which means going on Facebook BEFORE finishing the dishes, updating finances, or doing the work around the house that needs to be done while Caleb is napping.

I think some of my girlfriends...as I've confessed this particular area to them...think a new baby (and being outnumbered by our children) might just cure me of some of my selfishness!

I take so many things for granted.

Because I am at home full time with my children, I am able to enjoy many things that other women are not. My days (during the school year) are filled with great times of refreshment and learning. I am a part of Bible Study Fellowship...where I learn God's Word in-depth. I am in a Titus 2 ministry...where older women pour into me. I am in a Bible study with 2 other women...who encourage, help, advise, and love me. I have a husband who values weekly date nights and time with me away from our children. I am able to have a 6 month membership (yearly) at the YMCA so I am able to exercise, chat with other women, shower in peace, and know that my children are being cared for. I am able to work with students on Sunday and Wednesday nights and still use my gifts as I love on them. Brad and I have a weekly Sabbath time...time when we both get away with God for 2-3 hours to read, meditate, and grow our relationship with Him. I have friends that would do anything to be in BSF or have one date night every month or two. I take all these things for granted and am incredibly spoiled.

I am a creature of comfort.

I like having food in the pantry and a blog to write and conveniences at my disposal. Even though I may not outwardly complain, I often let Brad know if I am unsatisfied with something in our lives. I like life to be easy...and to be about me and my comfort.

I am a great "hearer" of the Word, but not "doer" of the Word.

This is the area of most conviction for me. I've always known that I am a selfish person who likes ease and comfort and very little change...but while I was reviewing the last few months (and years) of my life, I'm realizing that even though I am receiving some of the best Biblical teaching from my senior pastor, from other sermons Brad has downloaded for me, from my BSF teaching leader, from books like Feminine Appeal and and Crazy Love and studies like Breaking Free and Believing God , very little has changed...I mean really changed my life.

Yes, I do believe God more and fully trust Him to lead us during these next few crazy months and years as some major change comes for Brad and our family. I do think that I've been able to refocus and be put my role as mother and wife ahead of myself and my wants at times. I have been able to put into practice some of what I'm been learning...but it only seems to last for a short while and then I fall back into old patterns.

I say (in my mind) that I can't make these changes in my own strength, but I haven't daily asked for God's help and relied on the Holy Spirit to provide the self-control and brokenness that I need.

It just hasn't seemed important...well...until my day gets going, and I realize I'm making poor choices again.

What I do know is that I don't want this to continue. I don't want to waste this time in my life to grow and learn and pour into my children. I don't want to look back (when I am teaching again full time) and regret the way I lived my life.

I do NOT want to be like the seed that falls on the rocky places and receives God's teaching with joy...but when trouble comes, it quickly dies away. (Matthew 13)

I also don't want to be a women who merely listens to the Word, but fails to do what it says. (James 1:22)

What I do want to be is like the women in Proverbs 31. A woman who cares for her home, her husband, and her children. A woman who gets up early and works hard all day. A woman is highly respected and called blessed.

But the only way I can do that is to confess my sin...the sin that has kept me in bondage, and call on the Holy Spirit daily to humble and help me.

For no matter how much I know, how many degrees I may have, or how many Bible studies I am in...all of it is meaningless unless my daily life is governed, ruled by, and in submission to my King and my Lord.

This particular spring...

In Minnesota, March usually means warmer weather and a break from the sub-zero temperatures...but it also means a LOT of snow.

March and April are sometimes our snowiest months.

We have been very blessed this year with a shorter winter (and fewer days below zero) and a pretty warm spring.

But as of March 5, our yard still looked like this.


Sammy had been desperate to play on their swing set. She trudged through almost a foot of snow just to try to swing.

Of which she found most difficult!

Then, just a short 9 days later, here's what Caleb and Sammy were doing.


Pretty sure Caleb is the cutest little guy around!

I could not convince either one (even though it was over an hour and a half past supper time) to come inside.


I spent almost 2 hours giving under-dogs and watching Caleb drive his trucks around the yard and helping Sammy get used to riding her bike again.


There is just something about spring...something about getting back to playing outdoors...something about watching our brown ground turn green again...something about meeting up with friends for play dates at the park.

But beyond the warmer temps and the sunnier days, this particular spring is even more special to me. This spring is bringing more than just green grass and beautiful tulips...it's bringing a new child.

This new life also falls at a significant time for me and for Christians all around the world. It's the time that we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and King and His saving work on the cross. It is the most important event of our faith. Without it, everything else is meaningless.

Even though Baby Girl's due date is April 6, I'm hoping that she will come Easter weekend.

I would love to be able to tell her about her "birthday" in connection with the cross.

But regardless of when she arrives, my prayer for myself, Brad, our children, and the whole world, is to know and fully grasp what was done over 2,000 years ago.

And this spring, it's a bit more meaningful...

Three weeks and counting...

I am the queen of making lists.

I make lists every day.

I LOVE crossing things off my lists.

I even add things to my list (you know, silly little things like shower, breakfast, and bath nights for the kids) so I can cross them off.

I even spend $20 every year on a snazzy "hourly" calendar from Office Max, and I write out almost every detail of my life in each 30 minute segment.

I know...I know...

There are places where I can receive help for this kind of addiction...

So tonight on our date, Brad and I made out a to-do list of things we'd like to get done before Baby Girl arrives in (probably) less than 3 weeks.

How romantic!

I was feeling pretty good about how much we had already done and prepared...her room was finally painted, I had washed all of Sammy's 0-3 month clothes, and we even had come closer to choosing a name for our little bundle.

Until tonight...

Until we wrote out a list of 19 more things to do...

19!

Now I feel completely unprepared and unready for her arrival.

Granted, some things will take us only 10 to 15 minutes or so to do...like iron a bunch of Brad's shirts, make some CDs of pictures for friends, call people about watching our kids when I'm in labor, and paint an air vent for Baby Girl's room.

Others are going to take a lot longer...like put the crib together, rearrange and clean our bedroom, go through and organize a HUGE pile of papers, and organize ALL of our pictures on our iMac.

Then there are the "I'm beginning to nest" items on the list...which really aren't that important, but are really driving me crazy...like clean and organize my pantry, silverware drawer, and dresser drawers.

Probably not going to get those items.

Even though I have the best intentions for being as prepared as I can for our newest child and to have some of those time consuming little projects done before the craziness of having 3 children takes over our lives, I need to be realistic.

And, I need to give myself a break. Things don't have to be perfect. If we haven't gotten around to finishing a project, a couple more weeks (or months) won't matter. And if I can't find my nursing apron, a blanket will do just fine.

I do not need to stay up until midnight...which is what time it is right now...fretting over these things.

Because I want to be a human "being" and not a human "doer." Because I want to enjoy these last few weeks with my two oldest children. Because I should probably get sleep now, since I won't be able to soon.

And, seriously, how important is it that I have an organized sock and underwear drawer?

"Vacation" to Grandma and Papa's House

Now, it hasn't been very fair to talk only about our trip out West. Because while Brad and I were in Colorado, the kiddos were having a great time on a little vacation of their own at my parent's house.

I cannot stress enough how much my kids love going to Papa and Grandma's house. And my parents are equally delighted with having them come.

For the longest time...well, since Brad and I first left Sammy and Caleb with my parents (or anyone for that matter) for longer than a night or two...I struggled with leaving my children in the care of others.

I think a large part of it had to do with control. I was the best one to care for them, and I knew what to do in any situation...

But another part of it, the part I really don't want to admit, was my whole "fear of man" issue. What were people going to think of me after learning that I was leaving my kids with someone else for 6 or 7 or 10 days in a row? What kind of parent leaves her children for that long?

It's taken me quite a long time to get past this, and even though I still wonder what some friends or family really think about us leaving our children for such a long time TWICE in the past four months, I am caring less and less what they think.

Because...well, there are only really two opinions that matter...God's and my husband's. I've hashed it out quite a bit with God over the last few months during my Sabbath time, and I really feel at peace about the decisions we've made over the past few years concerning leaving our children under someone else's care. And Brad is certainly in agreement. He has seen what a difference it makes in me and in our marriage when I take the time to put him first and to spend time with only him.

So, while my parents (and others) are still healthy (and limber) enough to watch and care for our kids, we will keep giving them the opportunity to do so...but not anytime soon, as Baby Girl Aust should be arriving in less than 4 weeks!

Anyway, here are some "highlights" of Sammy and Caleb's recent vacation to North Dakota!

My son's obsession with trains is pretty comical. Just give him some time and a few boxes (or toy compartments) and he will create his own train. (He actually let Sammy "drive" this train...he must love his sister very much!)


He as also loved washing his hands at Grandma's house. (I think he just liked all the foam soap my mom has.)


My dad is such a good sport! I don't remember him playing like this when I was a little girl, but it brings such joy to me seeing him be silly and playing dress-up with Sammy.

Sammy's also a pretty persuasive little girl...he may not have had much of a choice!


The evening we were at Todd's rehearsal dinner, I called my parents to check up on the kids. Both Sammmy and Caleb were WIRED and could not stop talking about what they did with Grandma that day.

I was pretty impressed that my mom did this with them...especially Caleb. When I asked her why she decided to dye eggs, her response was, "I was running out of craft ideas!"

They seriously have talked non-stop about coloring eggs!


They also cooked and baked a bunch with Grandma. Here Caleb is helping make brownies.


Grandma also has some of the best games around. The kids were intently watching "Topsey Turtle" and waiting to be able to take some of the colored pieces out from under the turtle.


Sammy especially loves all the little people, ponies, and other dolls at Grandma's house. She would create some of the craziest stories while she was playing at the kitchen table.


Oh, and I can't forget one of the highlights for both Papa and Caleb...napping/sleeping together. Caleb is a cuddle-bug, and was a pro at sweet talking Grandma and Papa into letting him cuddle and fall asleep in their bed.

Even though my dad looks kinda creepy in this picture...like he is dead instead of sleeping...I just love seeing them together.


I am truly grateful for both my parents and Brad's mom. Grandparents are wonderful, and my children have come to know and love all of them...even their two great-grandparents. They are not only a blessing to us as they provide extra help and time to get away, but they also bless our children with their self-less love and sacrifice of time, money and energy.

I hope and pray that Brad and I will be able to do the same for our children some day.

Colorado trip...Todd's wedding

And thus...I have finally gotten to the reason why we were in Colorado Springs to begin with...Todd and Trish's wedding.


Todd's one of Brad's oldest friends. They grew up living less than a mile from each other. They went to school together. They hung out at youth group. Todd came up from Indiana to Minnesota several times when Brad and I were in college. And Todd was also groomsman in our wedding.

Oh yeah, and their moms, despite living hundreds of miles away from each other, are still very close friends.

Brad was honored to be asked to take part in this celebration, and after we talked about it, we decided to leave the kiddos with Grandma and Papa and go, just the two of us.

And I gotta tell you, taking children to weddings is entirely do-able, but not nearly as much fun as when you leave them at home or with grandparents.

Here's a picture of us before the wedding. I love this little black maternity dress that my friend Amy gave me. It so pays to have friends with good taste in clothes!


The wedding party...


Brad really fit in with the rest of the groomsman. He knew Kyle, Todd's younger brother (as seen in this picture), but he had never met the other groomsman and ushers. They were a blast, and I also had a great time getting to know all of their wives as well.

Oh, and make sure you check out the Garden of the Gods out the back window. The reception overlooked it and Pikes Peak...


This picture was taken right before Todd and Trish left for their honeymoon. It was such a perfect day and a perfect wedding. We were blessed to be able to share in their joy!


And we couldn't leave until we had taken one last picture of Colorado Springs, the fresh snow, and beautiful background. The funny thing is that we weren't even cold! It was a warm 38-40 degrees...no need for winter coats even!


Oh, and because my husband is who he is, I caved and said, "Sure, we can drive back into the park so you can take some more pictures of the snow on the rocks..."

This boy needs some serious counseling...

I have to agree, it was worth the drive back. The scene is completely different from ...


...the previous day.


Simply beautiful and breathtaking...


So, I finally convinced Brad to say good-bye to Pikes Peak, and we headed back to Fort Collins to stay one more night with our friends, the Tomans.

These guys are our dear, dear friends. They moved to Colorado about a year and a half ago, and we've been out to see them twice during that time. They keep trying to convince us to move there...we love Minnesota, but the mountains are sooooo tempting! Maybe some day!


And I just had to include this last picture. We left Fort Collins early Saturday morning and drove through some pretty yucky weather. I was not feeling well and slept off and on the first 4 hours or so. When we finally stopped in Wyoming at a rest area, this was the condition of our poor car....



Do you know they hardly ever salt in Colorado and Wyoming? We do now...poor, poor Alec. (That's the name of our little Civic, by the way.)

So, thus ended our great Colorado adventure. Stay tuned to see what the kiddos did while we were away...

...you won't want to miss it!

Colorado trip...Pikes Peak and Garden of the Gods

Brad and I had both previously been to Colorado Springs and Garden of the Gods when we were younger. But neither one of us remembered it being so beautiful and so big.

But really, how much can an elementary or junior high student have truly appreciated it?

We thought one day in the park would be sufficient, but we ended up spending some or most of three days there hiking and taking pictures.

Much of our decisions to drive back into the park really depended on the weather and time of day. At times, there wasn't a cloud in the sky and Pikes Peak looked amazing. Other times, when a storm or snow was rolling in, we couldn't even see the foothills, let alone Pikes Peak. Also, since many of the large red rocks were so tall, they looked entirely different depending on the morning or evening sun.

Most of these pictures were taken by Brad, but I took this first one. We found this gravel road just inside the park and being the spontaneous explorers that we are, we decided to see where it led. We climbed and climbed (in our little 5 speed Honda Civic) into the foothills around Pikes Peak.

We weren't even half way up when we came upon this neighborhood.


I can't imagine waking up every morning to this view!

I continued to drive until the snow and poor road conditions (little Civics are NOT made for off-roading) forced us to stop. Plus I was driving...you know, so Brad could quickly get out and take pictures while we careened on the side of the mountain...and I think Brad was getting a bit nervous!

We stopped here for a breathtaking view of the north side of Pikes Peak.


It was just a wee bit chilly at that elevation!

The Garden of the Gods is at the base of the foothills of Pikes Peak. It is, surprisingly, a city park. The 480 acres were bought for about $22 an acre over a hundred years ago, and the land was donated to the city of Colorado Springs. So it is a free park that everyone can enjoy.


This rock formation is called Balanced Rock.


This is the view looking through the Siamese Twins.


Brad and I LOVED this one. I think it was called Cathedral Spires.


My handsome man...


This is a view of the length of the heart of the park. It is the base of the highest rock formations. We saw several rock climbers making their way up these huge rocks.


I had a little too much fun finding holes to look through!


This park was truly amazing. I can't help but think that for hundreds of years, no human eye even knew this place existed.

...despite ALL the nature center's publications about millions of years and so on....

But God did, and it was here for His enjoyment. For these rocks do cry out His glory and majesty!

Colorado trip...lessons learned

As I was choosing my favorite pictures from our Colorado trip last night, I was reflecting on a couple of things.

This trip was NOTHING like our vacation in November. Heading into this trip, I really thought (and I think Brad did too...a little bit) that this would be similar to our cruise. You know...no children, an adventure to a new place, no cooking or cleaning, time together with my husband. Now while all of those things were true, there were some significant differences...

First of all, while we were in Colorado, I was six weeks away from my due date and was strapping a rather large belly...instead of being just 18 weeks. This pregnancy has also been much harder on my body, and I have been very uncomfortable and my back has been killing me.

Second, the elevation change really affected me. The added weight and smaller lung capacity kept me from hiking as far or as fast as I'm used to going. I spent significantly more time in the car resting while Brad was gallivanting all over trying to get the best picture.

Third, let's not forget that we drove our little Honda Civic (a.k.a. "go-cart") instead of our Honda Odyssey. It was 6 hours from Brainerd to Bismarck, another 12 hours to Fort Collins, and 2 more hours to Colorado Springs. The drive from Bismarck to Fort Collins was really brutal...even though we stopped every 2 hours. Baby Girl DID NOT like being crunched!

Fourth, our focus for this trip was really on visiting people. We spent 2 days with my parents and took some professional pictures of them with Sammy and Caleb. Then we spent 2 days with our good friends, the Tomans, in Fort Collins. We had such a great time with them! Then we met up with our former missions pastor and his wife for coffee in Denver, and once we got to Colorado Springs, we picked up a former youth group student at the Air Force Academy and took him off base and out to eat. We also spent almost 2 days doing things for our friend's wedding. We had to pick up a gift, pick up Brad's tuxedo, go to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner...and then there were pictures and the wedding. We ended up only really having 2 to 2 1/2 days to ourselves.

Fifth, you really, really cannot compare a cruise to anything! Now while it was sunny and 40 degrees in Colorado, it just couldn't compare to sunny and 80 degrees in the Caribbean. Also, while Chick-fil-A and Sonic are yummy places to eat, you cannot compare it to food on a cruise ship!!!

Now while I am very, very grateful for this last trip together with my husband before Baby Girl comes, and very, very grateful to my parents for watching and caring so wonderfully for our children, I can't help but again be smacked in the face with one of my biggest struggles...unmet expectations.

Now, I do NOT want to complain...especially when I wish ALL of my friends could take a trip with their husbands...but I just need to confess that was upset because I didn't feel refreshed and I felt Brad and I did not have enough time together-just the two of us. I felt disconnected to him because some days I had to stay at the motel and sleep while he got up and enjoyed the mountains. Other days he was able to climb all over the place and I had to sit in the car. We also had grand expectations of listening to a bunch of books and sermons during the drive, but because I was feeling so sick and cramped in the car, we only got through one book...Francis Chan's Crazy Love...which I highly recommend.

Yet again, unmet expectations really destroyed my view of our trip...and left me feeling frustrated and disappointed.

Now, before anyone starts feeling bad for me...

DON'T!!!

I have NOTHING to complain about! My unmet expectations are my problem....

and my sin.

I was focused on what I wanted...rest, time alone with my husband, a break from my daily life as a mother and housekeeper...instead of enjoying the gift God had given us...

time together and time doing ministry and pouring into others.

My focus was out of whack. I was looking through "Jenny's lens" instead of "God's lens."

This trip was NOT about us.

It was about spending some time with my parents and appreciating them.

It was about loving and having fun with our friends, the Tomans.

It was about encouraging and loving our former pastor and his wife.

It was about hanging out and pouring into a former student and learning more about his college life and his many accomplishments.

It was about celebrating our friend, Todd's wedding day with him, his wife, and his family.

Our lives on this earth are so short. Our lives are but a breath compared to eternity. I do NOT want my focus to be on the temporary or on my own pleasures, but on other people and on the eternal. I don't want to be selfish, but I want to always be focusing on God's kingdom...to live life with a "crazy love"...to be focused on others...to give, give, and give to those around me.

Another lesson learned, and I praise God that He is continuing to grow and change my heart.

I thought about ending my post right here, but I had to include some of Brad's GREAT pictures. (I did title this post, "Colorado trip" you know!)

Brad spotted this (very skittish) bald eagle somewhere in Wyoming. It was a good thing Brad had his zoom lens, or we would have missed her all together.


What an amazing creature...


...and what an amazing God we serve!

Little Cindrelly...

If you were hoping for some great shots of Colorado in this post, you'll have to wait. Brad is still looking through his hundreds of pictures and will let me know as soon as he has narrowed down his favorite couple hundred or so...

This boy really does have a problem with taking too many pictures sometimes...

this coming from his wife that had to stop the car countless times so he could take "just one more picture"

AND

hike up with him to "the best picture spot" just one more time...with me being just 6 weeks from my due date and breathing quite heavily because of the higher altitude.

But he's really cute...so I'll let it slide.

...anyway, until he can weed his way through those pictures, I'll post about some pictures I took recently of our kiddos.

I LOVE my children! I love being at home with them. I love watching them play and learn and develop. Some days I can't wait until bedtime, but most days I really enjoy each minute I have with Sammy and Caleb.

The day after we returned, they were both completely enamored by all the toys they hadn't seen in 10 days. And it was a good thing too, since I had a lot of laundry, mail, and emails to work my way through...

Anyway, I couldn't help myself when, as I looked up from my work, I noticed the following going on.

And I couldn't help but think of the song those little mice sung....

"Cinderelly, Cinderelly..."

I still find myself smiling from ear to ear as I look at this picture of my little princess ironing her clothes.


And such attention to detail!


And, of course, little Caleb wasn't going to miss out on the fun.

It's a good thing we have two play ironing boards or there would have been real trouble that day!


Seriously...who would have thought I would have needed TWO irons and ironing boards!

Not quite sure what he was doing...maybe watering his shirt?


Oh, and we can't forget to finish doing the laundry. It's time to wash the clothes!


And let's not forget to sing while we work!


Now to dry!


Who would have imagined that housework would be so much fun!