It's Monday, and Brad is back at work today.
Brad's mom is back in NC, and after a short visit from my parents last week, they, too, are at home in ND.
I'm on my own again.
Each day is getting easier, but some days are incredibly hard.
I think those hard days primarily have to do with lack of sleep...
...but it's not just that.
During the many, many hours that I nurse each day, I've been trying to figure out why it is so much harder this time around.
I mean, aside from the fact that our children now outnumber us...
I really don't have the brain power to over analyze, but I'm trying to understand what the main issues are so that we can make some changes...
before I go insane.
Over the course of the last few days, I've come up with some random thoughts...
Even though I had a really great delivery, Hannah and I were still in the hospital (and away from our family) for 4 out of 7 days. That was rough on us and on Sammy and Caleb. Then she wasn't gaining weight and had really bad jaundice. Because of that, I was nursing like crazy. I was so preoccupied with her gaining weight, I really didn't have time for much else.
In addition to that craziness...
Brad and I haven't had a date night in over 3 weeks and because of his work schedule, and we haven't had much time to talk about anything but our kids and when Hannah has to eat next...
We have not been able to figure out how we are going to do Sabbath (2-3 hours alone with God) each week...Sleep is currently trumping Sabbath, but we're beginning to feel the toll it's taking on us by not spending time reading God's Word and in quiet time with Him.
Our schedule is way CRAZY busy...just this week alone, here's what's on the agenda.
Sunday (yesterday) - taught Sunday School, went to church, Brad had Mosaic (student leadership), and soccer (of which Brad skipped this week so that I could get a nap)
Monday - church congregational meeting (of which I'm going to probably have to skip...)
Tuesday - Titus 2 ministry in the morning. As for the evening, nothing so far, but we have a list of things to get done at home...like give Brad a much needed hair cut.
Wednesday - youth group
Thursday - BSF in the morning and dinner in the evening with some youth volunteers to discuss the next year
Friday - girl's night with my Sunday School class
Saturday - Brad's date with Sammy
Seriously, this has GOT to change!
I also need to get groceries, run a bunch of little errands, and return the stock-pile of dishes from the many meals cooked by wonderful friends.
I'm trying to give myself some grace, I mean, who really cares if my dirty dishes are everywhere and I have several loads of laundry to fold?
I fear though, at the heart of my issue, is control and a lack of willingness to adjust to the "new normal."
I want to continue to go at my old pace. I want to look like I have it all together. I want to spend time with each child, have a clean house, have some time for me, go on a date with my hubby, and still have the energy and passion to spend time with God.
I know, I'm living in a dream world.
What I need to do is focus on what is most important...caring for my children (and making sure they are fed and loved each day), making time for my husband, finding the time to take a shower (man...a hot shower can TOTALLY make my day), and figuring out how to spend a few minutes with God each day.
The rest...like doing the dishes, folding laundry, running errands, writing a million thank you cards to friends, returning maternity clothes and even blogging...will just have to wait.
So, while Hannah and Caleb sleep, I'm going to spend some much needed time with Sammy...and hopefully, read from God's Word.
Because...what good is it to feed my stomach if I'm not feeding my soul...
5 comments:
I read a book called "Tender Mercies for a Mother's Soul" by Angela Thomas Guffey. Oh, my friend, that helped me so much. I would highly recomment it. Or at least read my review about it at http://atravelingthought.blogspot.com/search/label/angela%20thomas%20guffey
I love you. I am proud of you for at least admitting your desire to live at your old pace of life. That's step one.
Adjusting to three is hard, and there will be days you barely survive and call it a success. But, it gets easier, I promise! ;)
Perhaps you should give yourself more than a week or two to be perfect. :) Haha. in all honesty, i have a feeling I will be feeling the same way, but your husband has grace, and so do your children, so maybe you should have some for yourself..
Just for record, I don't want a thankyou note, and if i don't get my dishes back for 6 months, its fine. :0) I love you friend. Hang in there, one day at a time, and remember, IT WILL GET EASIER.
Just testing to see if this will go through since it didn't awhile back.
Jenny, dido to all your friends comments. We discussed this a week ago, please take one day at a time, give yourself some grace, be patient, & remember each new child or any change in our lives takes time! The lst 6 weeks are the hardest because of lack of sleep, your body is healing, & another child is taking alot of your time. You & Brad are divided 3 ways now, not 2 ways with the some amount of time & same schedule. I remember letting alot go for awhile when Kevin was born. It's good you recognize it & are honest. Everyone's health is the important thing now! Love ya, Mom Aust
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