A few more lessons learned...

These past few days I have been marveling at several things.

The first being some incredible insights from God. You see, about 6 weeks ago Brad and I were given a big decision to make. One that took a great deal of prayer and discussion.

This big decision was suppose to go into effect on January 1, 2010.

Today it is January 25, and the change has been put on hold indefinitely.

I have been pretty frustrated about the whole thing. I mean, really, it's a bit hard when we are given only about a week and a half to make a decision and then begin to get really excited and make other decisions based on that decision...and then have it put a stop to everything.

So I've been a bit bitter...telling some close friends that it's HARD when things are out of my control...when someone else is calling the shots.

But God in His graciousness has reminded me the last few days that this decision and potential change is NOT in any human hands. Oh, it may appear that way, but God is directing every move.

Nothing, and I mean nothing happens apart from His sovereign design.

And even though I know this in my head, it was something different to experience Him telling me that through His Word and prayer. Plus, I really needed to confess my frustration and bitterness and only then was I able to see how childish and silly I was being.

Yet another reminder that I am not the general manager of the universe!

Another thing that I have praised God for was an extra ounce of patience I was having with my kids. I have been playing with them more, stopping and spending as much time as needed discussing with them poor choices, sharing Bible verses with them about what God says about their behavior, and being very patient and not flying off the handle...especially when little accidents and things happen because they are simply children!

For the first few days, I was praising God and thanking the Holy Spirit for being in control and guiding my thoughts, actions, and words.

Then, it happened....

today...

and just when it was going so well...

I got a little bit proud of my parenting.

I go to the YMCA a couple of mornings a week. I like to get there by 9:00 so that I can sign up for a machine that I like. We were running behind...because Brad and I stayed in bed longer since the kids were up and playing so nicely by themselves...and so we were about 30 minutes late. I calmly got the kids ready and said to myself, "It really doesn't matter when I get there. If all the machines are taken, I can lift weights or read my Bible. No big deal."

Sounds pretty good, right?

I thought so too...

hence my problem...my pride problem.

By this afternoon and evening, I was short on patience, was angry when I disciplined my children, and feeling like quite a failure.

Nothing like a good swift kick in the pants to be reminded that I do NOTHING in my own strength.

How dare I think that I can do anything...parent with patience, give every word and every measure of discipline in love, remind myself that I will miss this time with my children someday...in my own strength?

So, as I sit here, I am ashamed of how I parented today. I desperately want to wake my sleeping children (but I know better...and will do this tomorrow) and confess my wrongs for the day. And I'd also like to drown my grief in chocolate...which I may still do...I am 30 weeks pregnant you know!

But first, I confess my sins...thank God that His mercies are new every morning, and prepare my heart for another long, but rewarding day of parenting.

And grab just a couple of pieces of chocolate...