ummm...can I get a little help over here?

I am terrible at asking people for help.

Simply TERRIBLE!

I don't know where I got the notion that asking someone for help equalled...

...looking like I am weak.

...looking like I don't have my life together.

...looking like a charity case.

...looking unwise or incompetent.

Maybe it's because of the example I had growing up.

Maybe it's a defense mechanism to protect my pride.

Maybe it's because I'm German.

Regardless of why, I am realizing that asking for help has NOTHING to do with the things listed above.

I LOVE helping people. I love making meals for new moms. I love watching my friends' kids so they can go on a date with their hubby. I love having students over and hanging out with them while playing on the Wii and eating cookie dough.

Yummy....Cookie dough....

Anyway, it's not hard for me to help someone else out. I actually offer to help my friends (and complete strangers) quite a bit.

I just don't like to ask for help for myself.

I've justified my actions and attitude my entire life.

"I really don't want to be a bother."

"I really don't want to make more work for someone."

"They are just saying they want to help, but really they are just being nice and just saying it."

"They have 4 kids, and I know that would cut in on their family time."

I could go on, but I won't.

But God has really been doing some remodeling in my heart concerning this.

Perhaps due to the fact that my children now outnumber me.

The last few weeks have been perfect examples of the change taking place inside me.

A mother of one of our students texted me about three weeks ago and asked what my plans were for supper. I think it was like 4:30 and I had not gotten around to thinking about supper yet. I could have told her I would be fine, but instead I asked her what she had in mind. She was making a double batch of her homemade burritos and wondered if she could have her son bring some over. I, again, almost said, "oh, don't bother, we'll be fine" but I found myself saying, "that would be GREAT!"

Her burritos, seriously, were amazing.

Brad was gone for an overnighter with our seniors almost 2 weeks ago, and it was my first night on my own since Hannah was born. It also fell on a Friday...which meant that I wouldn't get an opportunity to do Sabbath. I didn't know what to do. I thought I would just skip it for a week, but I knew it would be a hard week (and my kids and husband would suffer) if I didn't have a couple hours away with God.

So, I did it. I called a family in our church...a family that had told us if we needed anything, to not hesitate to call...and asked them to watch Sammy and Caleb so Hannah and I could spend 2 hours at Caribou.

I felt so bad leaving my kids so I could "go to Caribou", but I kept repeating to myself that I was honoring God in what I was doing.

Two days ago, I took a friend up on her offer to watch my two older kids so I could have a couple of hours at home by myself to spend time with Hannah and relax. By the way, she's only been reminding me to do this...like every week since Hannah was born almost 12 weeks ago! I had put her off for too long, and she finally forced me to pick a day. I dropped them off, and had a glorious 3 hours at home with Hannah...relaxing, and cleaning, and organizing. And she actually got more done with 5 kids than just with her 3!

And just tonight, we dropped off Sammy and Caleb at their "adopted grandparents" house for 3 hours so Brad and I could go on a date. Beth had kept asking to let her (and her hubby Larry) watch the kids more often. It wasn't until the last few months that I really let go and asked them to watch the kiddos once a month.

And you know what, it is a win-win-win situation for everyone. The Lindman's simply LOVE our children, and Sammy and Caleb LOVE going to their house, and Brad and I LOVE having free babysitting! It has been such a precious gift to our marriage.

Tonight, as I'm blogging into the wee hours of the morning, I am struck at my sin. Yes, it may not be overt or blatant, but it is there. My pride is causing a rift between me and my friends (because I keep turning down their offers) and me and my Lord. My lack of asking for help is nothing but...

...me thinking that I can do everything myself.

...me taking charge of my life and not allowing God to be in control.

...me not allowing others to live out their giftedness and spiritual gifts.

My pride is quenching God's amazing plan for us as a body of believers.

It is inhibiting people from the the joy that one feels when they help another.

It is robbing them of an opportunity to be God's hands and feet.

And, ultimately, I am stealing precious times that God's glory...His deserved glory...would be shown.

I pray that I would, and you would as well, start relying on one another the way that God intends us to do.

My husband...

I take a lot of things for granted.

I'm not as grateful as I should be.

I have a God who loves me and gave His best...His son to redeem me and reconcile myself to Him. I don't think I will ever fully comprehend what He did this side of eternity.

I have wonderful children that are a joy to me. Many days are filled with constant training, re-directing, and disciplining. But at the end of the day, I wouldn't want it any other way.

And, in light of Father's Day, I am reminded how blessed I am to have the husband I do.

I met Brad when I was 18...almost 15 years ago. It's hard to believe that he has been a part of my life for so long.

He is a wonderful husband. He has learned to lead me (and my stubbornness and strong will nature and aggressive personality) well as he's sought God for our lives and family decisions. He is incredibly hard working. He has always provided well for our family, and has made very wise financial decisions that have saved us from potential grief.

He loves our children and desires to be involved with every aspect of their lives. He plays with them, disciplines them, loves them, changes their poopy cloth diapers (not many men would do that!) and seeks to raise them in the knowledge of God. He takes such joy in their personalities and crazy little tendencies.

He also is a man of many talents. He takes amazing nature photos.

And he has taken me on countless adventures to beautiful state and national parks around the country.

He just took this one of our azaleas this spring.


He has done a lot of home improvement to our 1953 home.

He designed and picked out all the trees and shrubs for our landscaping 5 years ago.

And he spent a crazy amount of hours building our deck 2 years ago.


He's also has a love for soccer. He played both indoor and outdoor soccer in college and when we lived in the Twin Cities, but there seemed to be no options to play here in Brainerd when we first moved here.

But a couple of years ago, he learned of a group of guys (and 1 wife) that play pick up soccer once a week. He has so enjoyed playing again and has met some really neat people.

Even though it's hard to give up time for him to do this, I know it is a worthwhile sacrifice for me and the kids.

I am truly blessed to be his wife! Happy Father's Day hon!

A typical day...

Sometimes, as I drag my exhausted body into bed...

after I've gone past the dirty dishes on my kitchen counter...

and walked through the swamp of toys in the living room...

and throw the clean laundry off my bed and back into the laundry basket on the floor...

I wonder...

"just what did I do today?"

well, besides keep all of my children alive, which is my top priority.

Today I decided to keep track of the insanity which is my daily life.

Enjoy!

WARNING! LONG post ahead!

7:00 - Hubby's alarm goes off, but I stay nestled in bed for a few more minutes before...

7:25 - Hannah wakes up (after sleeping since 11:00 p.m. YAHOO!) and I nurse while sitting next to my honey on the couch as he reads from his Bible, then...

7:30 - two other adorable children...still rubbing their eyes...cuddle with us on the couch.

8:00 - I finish nursing and Brad makes oatmeal for breakfast.

8:30 - I put load #1 into the washer and join my family at the kitchen table and...

8:45 - say good-bye to Brad and wave with the children out the dining room windows...

9:00 - then continue to design an crazy train layout for the kiddos...

9:10 - and get them dressed for the day while Hannah takes her morning nap.

9:30 - I put load #2 into the washer and spend a few minutes "facebooking" a friend and making two phone calls...

9:45 - while the children continue to play nicely together.

10:00 - I start washing dishes from last night and talk to a friend who has called to ask what time gymnastics starts that afternoon...

10:10 - and I watch the children put their pajamas back on since they are playing "going to camp" and need to get ready for bed.

10:13 - I spend approximately 22 seconds laughing at my son trying to pull his 2 pillows and blankets into my room ("since that's where camp is mommy...it's not yours and daddy's room anymore") and end up carrying 1 pillow that he dropped along the way.

10:25 - I wake up Hannah, change her diaper, and nurse her...

10:30 - and cave and let my children watch 30 minutes of PBS television since their wonderful playing quickly changed to long episodes of yelling, pushing, pulling, and crying.

11:05 - The kids load up into the van to get groceries...which was not the best idea given it was pouring rain outside and was way too close to lunch time to be going to the grocery store in the first place.

11:10 - I realize ALL the kid's carts are wet, and I threaten explain in detail my expectations of Sammy and Caleb as we get groceries.

11:21 - All four of us wait for a couple of minutes in the produce section for the "thunder" and "rain."

11:22 - Produce worker smiles at the silliness of my children.

11:23 - I remind Caleb that he can only touch things with his pointer finger.

11:27 - I almost run over my two older children because I'm not used to them walking alongside me.

11:59 - Grocery shopping is a SUCCESS and I let both kids get a free cookie from the Cub Foods bakery.

12:10 - I get lunch for the kiddos and unload all the groceries.

12:24 - I put the second load of laundry into the dryer.

12:27 - I notice a disturbing odor and realize Caleb has diarrhea...

12:28 - and I try not to freak out as I carry him to the bathtub to undress him and wash him down.

12:39 - Caleb is finally cleaned up and his clothes are scrubbed out...YUCK!

12:45 - I spend 15 minutes trying to find Sammy's leotard for her gymnastics class at 2:30.

1:00 - I finally sit down and have lunch.

1:30 - I wake Hannah up to feed her.

1:55 - I pack clothes for Sammy, toys for Caleb, and a diaper bag for Hannah.

2:05 - I load everyone into the van and head to the high school.

2:20 - We play "Dora and Boots" and explore Brainerd High School a bit before class.

2:30 - Sammy begins her gymnastics class and I chat with my friend Amy as our 4 other children play.

3:20 - I load all the kiddos back into the van and head home.

3:38 - I give the kids a snack, check the mail, and jump on facebook for a few minutes.

4:00 - I start to think about making dinner...

4:01 - but get sidetracked with folding two loads of laundry.

4:22 - I let Caleb and Sammy "cook" with dried beans in their kitchen while I prep dinner.

4:27 - They get tired of cooking and use the beans to feed their pet dog and cat.

4:43 - Caleb and Sammy make a HUGE mess of beans on the kitchen table and floor.

4:44 - I start counting down the minutes until Brad comes home.

4:45 - I take some pre-made dough out of the fridge and realize it's way too firm to make pizza and breadsticks anytime soon.

5:18 - Brad gets home and the children proceed to climb all over him.

5:19 - I manage to climb over my children and give my husband a hug and kiss.

5:25 - I finish making homemade pizza and breadsticks and put it in the oven.

5:26 - I nurse a very hungry little girl!

6:01 - We all sit down and have dinner and I marvel at my delicious looking breadsticks!

6:35 - I change a very poopy cloth diaper...

6:36 - while making my baby girl smile.

6:48 - Brad leaves for Junction 122 (our college ministry)...

6:49 - but forgets to wave as he pulls out of the driveway...

6:49 and 30 seconds - and Caleb begins crying loudly, "daddy forgot to wave"...

6:49 and 45 seconds - I let Caleb call Brad to tell him he forgot to wave.

6:51 - Brad turns around, drives past the house again and waves.

6:51 and 15 seconds - Caleb is instantly better.

7:00 - We start to clean up all the toys.

7:28 - We are still cleaning up toys.

7:33 - We finally clean up all the toys

7:34 - Sammy and Caleb pick out 6 stories for me to read to them.

7:54 - Hannah starts crying...loudly.

7:55 - Caleb has an accident...all over his toys and bed.

8:03 - I finally clean up everything and try to ignore Hannah's growing screams as I....

8:04 - sing two songs with the kids and tuck them into bed.

8:05 - I pick up Hannah, calm her down...

8:10 - and start to nurse her.

8:22 - I call my good friend Gianna and chat with her for a few minutes before...

8:35 - she has to go and put her girls to bed.

8:52 - I call her back and chat with her some more and wish we could see each other's new babies soon!

9:16 - I tidy up my house a bit before my...

9:22 - mom calls to talk about maybe meeting in Fargo on Friday.

10:01 - I finally hang up with my mom and Brad calls to say he's on his way home.

10:10 - He arrives home and we talk about our evenings and then I...

10:31 - wake up Hannah to nurse for the final time tonight and play games on Brad's ipod touch while he...

10:38 - does who knows what on the computer.

10:47 - I beat one of Brad's records for his bubble wrap game.

10:59 - I put Hannah to bed and get ready for bed myself.

11:15 - I tell Brad I'll be to bed soon...

12:45 - but I don't because I'm still up blogging.

Memorial Day Weekend part 2

When we first moved to Brainerd 6 years ago, I thought I would never find friends like the ones we had in the Twin Cities.

And we haven't...but we have come close!

I am so grateful for all my college girlfriends and fellow mommy's in Minneapolis. I miss all of them dearly and eagerly wait for our next visit...hopefully in the next month or so! We made so many memories together in college and during the 2 years we lived there before moving up north. They can never be replaced...but I knew it was going to be hard to find friends here that compared.

As I've been reviewing my Sabbath Rest notebook, I remember praying two years ago for good friends here in Brainerd. Not just friendly acquaintances, but real, transparent, and honest-to-goodness friends.

And God has answered that prayer.

The last few years, there have been a group of us that have gotten together for our children's birthday parties, Fourth of July fireworks, small group Bible studies, and game nights. We have treasured their friendships, and are so grateful for them.

This Memorial Day, we all got together to play at a GREAT park in Crosby and then finished off the day roasting hot dogs and smores over a bonfire.















This was one of a few pictures that I was in.

Nice, huh!

I really need to start remembering to have someone else take pictures so my kids actually know that I was there with them instead of them wondering...where was mom?

And, I should also start smiling and actually look at the camera next time!















Caleb is ALL boy! He just LOVES sand!


And what's summer with out some freezes! Yummy!











We played at a park on Serpent Lake...where there was this HUGE serpent. All of the men climbed on it...including Brad. But I liked this picture the best. It's true what they say...boys never really grow up! Even when they are 30 or older!






Look at my sweet baby girl! She pretty much slept the entire time!





Then we headed back to our friend's house to have a cook out.




















And, just to be clear...the kids were playing "Duck, duck, goose" and NOT that other game "Duck, duck, grey duck"...since there really is no such thing as a grey duck!

It was a GREAT day, and I am so thankful for the wonderful people God has placed in our life!

Completely out of character...

I've been realizing some things about myself lately...particularly in regards to my parenting habits. And I have decided that moms traditionally fall into two different camps concerning whether or not "certain" things bother them..ie, the cleaniness of their children and/or home.

The first camp that moms fall into would be...

"I let my kids make crazy kinds of messes, play out in the mud, pour sand over their heads, eat watermelon with a white shirt on, create all kinds of meals with ingredients from the kitchen, and finger paint anytime they wish."

And I know there are those of you out there!

Then there's the second camp..."I pick up the toys the moment my kids are done playing with them...my kids never paint except when plastic is covering every inch of the floor and table...my child's shirt is changed every time there is one spot on it...and, my personal favorite....I can't handle seeing a dirty child at the grocery store or at Target with chocolate or leftover ketchup on his or her face. I just have to grab a napkin and wipe that child's face clean!"

Yup, and those of you in that camp can completely relate!

Any guesses about which camp I fall into?

Before having children, my house had to be SPOTLESS before anyone...and I mean ANYONE entered. I would drive my husband crazy deep cleaning our home before youth group students or our families came to visit. I was seriously obsessive compulsive about it.

Thankfully, with the arrival of our first child, this condition began to change...slightly.

I mean, I still picked up every toy once Sammy was done playing with it.

Now I know what I did with all my time when I only had one child!

I did relax a bit on making sure everything was in its place and dusting every picture frame, but I found myself still flying into a frenzy before company arrived.

And my poor husband would just shake his head...

Now you would think that having three children would have completely cured me.

Sadly, it's not true.

The first few weeks after Hannah was born I tried to keep up...but I really found myself having to let go of a lot of things. Having a newborn who wasn't gaining weight and 2 other pre-schoolers who needed their mommy, forced me to let my cleaning slide. But now, I'm getting the hang of having three and am trying to return to my cleaning schedule.

But there is hope for a borderline obsessive compulsive cleaner like myself!

Take a look at what I've been allowing my children to do lately...

This would be my daughter playing in the sand and lake without a swimsuit on.


And this would be my little guy covering himself from head to toe in sand...


...and having the time of his life, I might add.

By the way, my husband took those pictures. I was chatting with a girlfriend and didn't see what my children were doing...they were supposed to be playing on the playground equipment near the beach...but when Brad told me what they were doing, I took a deep breath, restrained myself and just let them continue playing.

And just guess what I let my children do yesterday! It started with me filling a cookie sheet with a small amount of dried beans and letting Caleb drive his little match cars around in it. Giving him dried beans to play with was a stretch in itself! But they were contained and I told him he had to keep them in the pan on the table.

Well, then Sammy asked if she could make some "pretend" bean soup. I gave her just a few beans, but Sammy was NOT impressed with only having a few. So...I took a deep breath, opened a second bag of beans, and let my children go! I told them they could do whatever they wanted with the beans, as long as they kept them in the kitchen and cleaned them off the floor when they were done.







They had an absolute ball. They played for over an hour...cooking and pouring and baking. And they did an excellent job cleaning up.

I patted myself on the back for doing something I would have never had done 5 years ago.

But, do you notice something? Look back at the pictures... Aside from that first one, there are very few...if any beans on the floor.

That's when I realized I need to let them do this more often.

If not, I might just be raising little, obsessive compulsive clean freaks!

...but now I see.

Over the last year or so, God has really begun to change my heart is so many ways. This morning, as I've been reviewing my Sabbath notebook...which contains everything I have written during my weekly Sabbath Rest time over the last 2 years...I'm overwhelmed with how much God has done.

And I'm overwhelmed with how much more work needs to be done...

But THAT will have to wait for another time...

One area that I am so grateful that God has grown me in is what I call "seeing people."

I am a prideful person. I can be quite arrogant at times. I have a strong personality. I am quite opinionated. And I often am so set in my ways (because black is black and white is white) that I often focus on the behavior and overlook the person.

But God, in His goodness, has helped me to see people...I mean really see people. I often am so busy and in a hurry that I don't take time to really notice those around me.

Like when I'm in a hurry to get somewhere and I don't really see my children and their needs...like seeing Sammy and the disappointment in her face when I promised to make a card with her for a friend, but put it aside to make my grocery list and brush her aside again as we are rushing out the door.

Like when I feel rushed and neglect to smile and thank the person who has waited on me in a restaurant or at a store.

Like when I just want to hang out with my girlfriends and neglect to chat a bit and ask the Starbucks barista how her day is going.

Life is not about getting places on time, completing everything on my list, and rushing from place to place in record time.

Pretty sure Jesus never rushed anywhere...

So I have been so grateful that God is giving me moments to see people.

He's given myself and 2 friends weekly "appointments" during our Bible study time to chat and share with 2 baristas at Starbucks.

He gave me an opportunity last week to talk with Val, the lady who took pictures of my kiddos at Sears.

I was able to chat and connect with a new mom during a weekly play date.

And every day, He gives me chances to look into the faces of my children and husband and...

listen...

watch...

take in...

who they are and what they need.

If nothing else gets done on my list today, I pray that I will stop and notice those around me...like the worker at Cub Foods who laughs every week when my children listen and wait for the "thunder" and "rain" in the produce aisle...like the other mom in the parking lot with her 3 children...like my sweet daughter Hannah and her "coo's" and "ahh's".

I want to take it all in...I want to appreciate it...I want to utilize every opportunity.

And, I hope today, you will too.

Memorial Day Weekend part 1

We had such a great Memorial Day weekend this year! It was full of time spent with family and extended family, graduation open houses, and a super day with friends here in Brainerd. And the weather was glorious...a great treat for our outdoor activities.

My brother, Jim, lives in Grand Forks, ND and we don't get to see him or his kids very often. But he was heading to Detroit Lakes to meet up with his wife's family, and decided to swing by Brainerd.

For those of you who know the area, Brainerd is about an hour and a half east of Detroit Lakes...

"swing by" is really a relative phrase...

But I'm grateful that he came a little out of his way to see us.

He was only able to stay about a day, but we managed to do a lot in that time. We grilled out and spent some time playing outside.

We walked to a playground and spent some time talking and playing some more.

Sammy adores all her cousins, but has a special place in her heart for Beth. They are like two peas in a pod and we can definitely tell they are related!


Jess, who is the oldest cousin at 13, loved taking care of Hannah. She is such a natural with babies!


Beth also enjoyed getting to know Hannah. And boy, oh boy, could she make Hannah smile!


We actually remembered to take a picture of all the Wiese grandchildren before my brother left. I think we took a couple hundred pics (okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration...) and only 1 or 2 really turned out. Even though there were better ones than this, I just had to post this one because my daughter is so FUNNY!


Here's one with the adults too...minus my sister in law and her 2 girls.


I often take my family for granted, but I am so grateful for them right now. My brother and Brad and I stayed up late talking...while 4 of the 6 kids slept in the same room...which went quite well, I might add.

Seeing all our kids together was such a joy. This life is so short, and I don't want to miss any opportunities to spend time with those I love. Because, before I know it, Sammy will be having a graduation party like our students...

...and I will greatly miss these warm summer evenings with family.

Out and about

It's been quite awhile since I last blogged. A lot of it has had to do with some sickness around the house. Sammy caught a terrible cough a couple of weeks ago. She was miserable and was up several times throughout the night. She in turn shared it her cough with me...

nice

...and I gave it to Hannah...

poor thing!

For over a week I sounded like a chained smoker and felt achy and had headaches most of the day. Hannah stopped sleeping through the night...

bummer!

...and struggled to nurse with her stuffed up nose.

It's been just lovely.

But aside from caring for the sick kiddos, falling into bed each night completely exhausted, and thanking my husband for letting me sleep in or take a nap, we have been enjoying our beautiful Minnesota summer.

At our youth workers retreat at Camp Shamineau a few weeks ago, Sammy spent an hour riding ponies in the stable.


My 4 year old remembered EVERY name of each pony she rode last year at camp...you know, when she was 3. She is seriously going to ask for a pony one of these years for her birthday.

Poor Caleb was completely tuckered out by camp and took almost a 4 hour nap one afternoon.


I love this picture...he seems so peaceful...and the best part is that he's not running away from me!

We've also been swimming quite a bit in our bath tub since the kids are getting quite filthy with all the outside activity.


I've decided that the dirtiness of the bath water is directly related to how much fun Sammy and Caleb had that day.

We're also spending countless hours playing on the swing set.

(Sammy's stuffed animals are enjoying the swing set too.)


Apparently Caleb doesn't realize he's not big enough to do the ladder and monkey bars.


Oh, and let's not forget the kitty that wandered into our yard one day. Sammy and Caleb had a blast...and spent the next 3 days begging us to get a cat! Sammy thought the cat needed to swing as well.

Interesting enough, the cat didn't seem to mind.


We've also been busy doing individual dates with the kiddos. Brad took Caleb to the train yard...which is tresspassing and just a wee bit illegal...but the boys had a great time looking at the oil cars.

Caleb was quite pleased with the railroad spike he found!


We also took a family walk to the local "Ma and Pop" ice cream stand near our house. The kids cones were 50 cents and our sundaes were a buck.






The kids seemed to enjoy it.