Simply TERRIBLE!
I don't know where I got the notion that asking someone for help equalled...
...looking like I am weak.
...looking like I don't have my life together.
...looking like a charity case.
...looking unwise or incompetent.
Maybe it's because of the example I had growing up.
Maybe it's a defense mechanism to protect my pride.
Maybe it's because I'm German.
Regardless of why, I am realizing that asking for help has NOTHING to do with the things listed above.
I LOVE helping people. I love making meals for new moms. I love watching my friends' kids so they can go on a date with their hubby. I love having students over and hanging out with them while playing on the Wii and eating cookie dough.
Yummy....Cookie dough....
Anyway, it's not hard for me to help someone else out. I actually offer to help my friends (and complete strangers) quite a bit.
I just don't like to ask for help for myself.
I've justified my actions and attitude my entire life.
"I really don't want to be a bother."
"I really don't want to make more work for someone."
"They are just saying they want to help, but really they are just being nice and just saying it."
"They have 4 kids, and I know that would cut in on their family time."
I could go on, but I won't.
But God has really been doing some remodeling in my heart concerning this.
Perhaps due to the fact that my children now outnumber me.
The last few weeks have been perfect examples of the change taking place inside me.
A mother of one of our students texted me about three weeks ago and asked what my plans were for supper. I think it was like 4:30 and I had not gotten around to thinking about supper yet. I could have told her I would be fine, but instead I asked her what she had in mind. She was making a double batch of her homemade burritos and wondered if she could have her son bring some over. I, again, almost said, "oh, don't bother, we'll be fine" but I found myself saying, "that would be GREAT!"
Her burritos, seriously, were amazing.
Brad was gone for an overnighter with our seniors almost 2 weeks ago, and it was my first night on my own since Hannah was born. It also fell on a Friday...which meant that I wouldn't get an opportunity to do Sabbath. I didn't know what to do. I thought I would just skip it for a week, but I knew it would be a hard week (and my kids and husband would suffer) if I didn't have a couple hours away with God.
So, I did it. I called a family in our church...a family that had told us if we needed anything, to not hesitate to call...and asked them to watch Sammy and Caleb so Hannah and I could spend 2 hours at Caribou.
I felt so bad leaving my kids so I could "go to Caribou", but I kept repeating to myself that I was honoring God in what I was doing.
Two days ago, I took a friend up on her offer to watch my two older kids so I could have a couple of hours at home by myself to spend time with Hannah and relax. By the way, she's only been reminding me to do this...like every week since Hannah was born almost 12 weeks ago! I had put her off for too long, and she finally forced me to pick a day. I dropped them off, and had a glorious 3 hours at home with Hannah...relaxing, and cleaning, and organizing. And she actually got more done with 5 kids than just with her 3!
And just tonight, we dropped off Sammy and Caleb at their "adopted grandparents" house for 3 hours so Brad and I could go on a date. Beth had kept asking to let her (and her hubby Larry) watch the kids more often. It wasn't until the last few months that I really let go and asked them to watch the kiddos once a month.
And you know what, it is a win-win-win situation for everyone. The Lindman's simply LOVE our children, and Sammy and Caleb LOVE going to their house, and Brad and I LOVE having free babysitting! It has been such a precious gift to our marriage.
Tonight, as I'm blogging into the wee hours of the morning, I am struck at my sin. Yes, it may not be overt or blatant, but it is there. My pride is causing a rift between me and my friends (because I keep turning down their offers) and me and my Lord. My lack of asking for help is nothing but...
...me thinking that I can do everything myself.
...me taking charge of my life and not allowing God to be in control.
...me not allowing others to live out their giftedness and spiritual gifts.
My pride is quenching God's amazing plan for us as a body of believers.
It is inhibiting people from the the joy that one feels when they help another.
It is robbing them of an opportunity to be God's hands and feet.
And, ultimately, I am stealing precious times that God's glory...His deserved glory...would be shown.
I pray that I would, and you would as well, start relying on one another the way that God intends us to do.
4 comments:
I totally blame it on being German, but you're right, it's because we're human. You hit the nail on the head Jenny. Yet I don't hold out hope for myself ever overcoming that one.
Yeah, I'm German too.
And yes, I could have written the same things about myself that you wrote about you. And yes, you are right. :)
Did you know that YOU are being a blessing people when you let them bless you? I LOVE when people ask me to help. I HATE when I have to CONVINCE them they should take me up on my offer.
I ask for help all the time. I am embarrassed by how much I do and I think I ask too much.
But we gotta start helping each other out even before we ask for it (like the Lindemanns and some of the others you talked about!)
I love you, Jen, and I miss you. And HANNAH is so CUTE!
With age comes experience & life events. As I had more children I realized that I could not do it all myself. It was a blessing to be helped & to help others. We rob someone a blessing when we don't let them help us or we help them. Also, with Dick's 1st heart attack at age 37 & 3 small kids, 7 yrs., 4 yrs., & 8 months, I knew I needed help! We are not meant to be super heroes. We're human! So go ahead & bless each other by helping others & letting them help you! It makes the Lord & everyone happier!
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