Blogging about blogging

For the last day or so, I've really been pondering and wrestling with "the blogger world" and all that it encompasses...the blog frog, blogging networks and discussion groups, media advertisements, posts and comments, and the simple fact that 21 million women a week read blogs and 15 million more write their own blog.

And I'm one of them.

Two and a half years ago, I began this little blog because (1) my friend Gianna had one and I really LOVED reading it, especially since we didn't live in the same city anymore and (2) I really wanted a place to express myself, vent frustrations, process my thoughts about parenting, marriage, what God was doing in my own life, and keep a journal of the happenings of my family's life.

And I was very content with that. I knew there were a handful of people who read my blog, but blogging for the sake of blogging was my intent and goal.

Then, about three months ago, that all began to change. I had about five blogs that I followed, but then I began looking at other people's blogs that were linked to my friend's blogs. The first one being MckMama. I went to college with MckMama, and was drawn into her son's battle with SVT. I prayed daily for her while he was in the hospital, and was captivated by her beautiful photography, wonderfully spirited writing and her overall charm.

And so I added MckMama to my list of "blogs I follow" and continued on in my now slightly larger blogger world.

This brings me to about five days ago. This entire week, I have been completely sucked into the blogger world. I've joined MckMama's discussion group, spent countless hours reading COMPLETE STRANGER'S blogs, and have been fixated with reading other people's comments to, again, COMPLETE STRANGER'S blogs.

Seriously, I've been living in a virtual world.

So yesterday and today I have been pondering over (1) why I have been sucked in, (2) is all of this really legit, (3) are true relationships being built and is that the goal, and (4) are we all really just wanting, desiring, praying that someone, somewhere will read our blog and want to know us?

I have personally struggled with these questions.

Does it really, deep down inside, matter to me if I have 0 followers or 100 followers? Am I writing for the sake of writing or am I writing to give my audience something to read about? Even though I feel a sense of community with these women and LOVE the fact that I am NOT the only stay at home mother with struggles, issues, joys, sorrows, victories, and CRAZY days, can we truly know one another in the way God has called us to know and serve and love one another? Are we all publishing a version of our own "reality show"? How would I feel (and what would it do to my self-esteem) if I stopped blogging or if others stopped reading my blogs?

I love that blogs allow us to be vulnerable (like in Not Me, Monday) and be real and authentic with our daily struggles and lives, but just because I write about letting Caleb play with my only set of car keys while at a park with LOTS of sand just so that he'll be happy and content so I can chat with my girlfriends...which I let him do today and which WILL be discussed next Monday...doesn't necessarily mean my "followers" will keep me accountable, pray daily for me, and, at times, speak truth into my life.

My greatest fear is that instead of us helping one another realize we are all human and taking comfort in the fact that we all have struggles and sin, that we will begin to compare ourselves to one another. Case in point--I used to think I was "semi-healthy" until reading about MckMama's choice of foods and how I wished I could take pictures of my kids like countless other moms...who, by the way, are PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHERS) instead of focusing on how God has uniquely designed each one of us and rejoicing in that.

Yup, BIG struggle for me this week...

And I know for me, and many others, the source of life and hope and peace comes first from Jesus Christ, second from our husbands and family, third from our "real" friends and church community, and coming in at last on the list...our blogging community.

But, I know for me, it's easy to get sucked in.

And I DO NOT want this little hobby to take over my life or take the place of my Savior or my family or my obligations and responsibilities. And I DO NOT want another person's blog or life to cause me to feel shame or guilt as a mother.

I DO want my blog and others to make me smile, remind me that I am NOT alone, and give me great comfort and joy that the body of Christ encompasses every community, every city, and every country.

Make God receive ALL the praise!