Last night while trying to fall asleep, I was overwhelmed with how faithful God has been to me, in spite of my great unfaithfulness to Him.
I am so undeserving of His love and goodness...
...both on bad days AND on good days...since there NOTHING I can do in and of myself to earn His love or goodness.
For the past two weeks, my quiet time has been very sporadic, and I even skipped my normal Sabbath time (2 hours of uninterrupted time AWAY from my home and family...just me and God) last Friday so I could sleep.
I was so tired of being a single parent and also having someone in my home...even though I was SO BLESSED by having Brad's mom here, but, you know, having a spouse gone and someone else in your home can be pretty exhausting. Add in several nights of Caleb crying for "daddy" will make for one tired mommy. I just couldn't get myself out of bed before the kiddos woke up. Thus quiet time faded away.
And I've been feeling it. It doesn't seem to affect me at first, but little things start to creep in...a bad attitude, bitterness, frustration, a complaining spirit.
But God has been so good! And so FAITHFUL!
In spite of my almost total neglect of His Word, He has still chosen to bless me with some precious verses from His Word so that I can bless others. In my very short time with Him, He has given me peace about my struggles and also wonderful words of encouragement. He has reminded me to pray daily for Stellan, his mom, my friend Megan (who is in great turmoil), my friends Jemi and Gianna (who have been sick), my brother (who is taking his bar exam today and tomorrow) and countless others that I should have easily forgotten to pray for.
Why does He do this when I am so undeserving!
Plus, this morning at a play date, He brought a wonderful mom to the park that my friends could love on and encourage! It was totally a God moment!
Amy, my new friend, had wanted to go to the library, but her daughter...get this...had accidentally dropped her car and house keys in an elevator shaft. You know, the very small and narrow shaft between the elevator and both floors! Anyway, so she decided to go to the park instead...where she met me and my friends. (Seriously, to have a bunch of keys fall like that has GOT to be a God thing.) I knew she looked familiar, and once we started talking, we realized we had run into each other on Sunday in children's church. (Her daughter was crying because she was being dropped off and my child was crying because I was picking her up.) Sammy LOVES her friends, in case you didn't know and cries often when she has to say good-bye! God used Sammy's crying to help us recognize one another...thus making a connection.
Anyway, so we all began talking, sharing with her about our church and ways to get connected, telling her about free babysitting next week at our church, talking about the great nurses at St. Joe's (our town hospital...Amy is due with her third child in just under two weeks and hasn't delivered in Brainerd before), and all around getting to know her better. It was such a treat to be able to connect her and also to love her and her kids.
Again, I sit here wondering why God chooses to use me, despite my utter unfaithfulness.
He could use someone else...someone who has been more faithful...someone with more experience...someone who knows His Word better...someone else...
But no, He chooses to use me...
and I am so grateful.
The only thing greater than raising my children to know and love God and building a healthy marriage that will be an example to my children, our youth group students, and other couples is being used to glorify God and spread His kingdom.
And even though "my thoughts" of what "kingdom work" is may be very different from God's, I'm grateful for every conversation, every connection, every verse, every reminder to pray because even though I may not be in a classroom teaching and loving 140 7th graders or at every youth group event pouring into students, God can still use me at a park, in a hallway at church, and on my knees at home to further His kingdom.
And today, I am so thankful!
3 comments:
Amazing! Jenny you are such an amazing person and such an inspiration! God has definitely put you in my life and I thank Him every day for putting you and the other mom's from our church in my life. I have so much spiritual growing that I need to do but talking with you and the other's makes me realize that I just need to keep trying! Thanks Jenny for being such an inspiration!!! Cheryl Garner
thank you SO much for praying for me. seriously, jenny! i love you so much! and it's good to know that he is faithful no matter what, isn't it!
urgh i wish i had as much faith as you. i think about death and WHAT if god really didnt exist what would happen then. After Reading about this and your life i think i might be able to sleep better tonight, thank you god. amen.
Post a Comment